Child of Darkness
by Deliverer
Summary: Mommy, mommy, as you lie the dark man comes and makes you die. My daddy's hands are red with guilt because he killed the life we built... You will never know how you ruined my life. Words cannot describe what you have done to me... You are wrong, child of darkness. I remember. I remember everything. You never knew. You never knew all I would have done for you...
1. Child Of Darkness

_**Elder Scrolls**_

Kill Him, Kill Him, Kill Him

You will never know how you ruined my life… Words will never begin to describe what you have done to me, how you have destroyed me, the pain I suffer every day, why I pray for death, the reason I became _this_… This traitor and madman. KillhimKillhimKillhimKillhim …

ES

"Mommy, mommy, count again!" Little Mathieu begged.

She laughed, voice ringing clear like silver bells. "All right, Mathieu. Hurry darling. Run off and hide," she replied. Giggling, Mathieu bolted. "One, two, three, four, five…" Mathieu raced inside her bedroom quickly. Panting excitedly he looked around. His eyes fell on her bed and he giggled, crawling under it. "Six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Here I come, ready or not," she called. Giggling, laugh echoing through the house, his mother wandered in search of her child. She knew where he'd gone, or had an idea, but she would humor her baby.

Mathieu giggled and covered his mouth to keep quiet. He knew where she was, but she would never find _him_. He felt so safe when she giggled and called out to him asking where he'd gone. Safe and protected and loved… His smile fell, though, on hearing a window open in their house, in his mother's room. What was _that_? He heard nothing more and decided it was nothing.

His mommy came into her room, lightly calling to him. A smile was in her voice. "Mathieu, where are you? Now where could he have gone?" Mathieu grinned in anticipation. Just then a set of boots appeared in front of him, right behind mommy's bare feet. He paled and opened his mouth to scream when all at once he heard his mother shriek in terror! She was lifted from the ground; she was trying to fight back but couldn't, begging and pleading for her attacker to let her live! Mommy, no! He wanted to scream, but his voice wouldn't work! He heard the person draw a blade, then mommy went quiet. This was a dream, it had to be. This wasn't real, it wasn't happening. Mommy, wake me up, please, mommy! But no one came to wake him up. No one ever _would_.

ES

Mommy, mommy, as you lie, the dark man comes and makes you die. My daddy's hands are red with guilt because he killed the life we built.

Mommy, I'm so afraid. I miss you mommy… When in the snow I like to lie, and fold my arms and wait to die…

ES

The man began to walk away. Then Mathieu heard something fall to the floor and roll. All at once he saw his mother's head, her dead eyes looking lovingly into his, a tear still on her cheek! He gasped loudly. The man froze and turned swiftly. Mathieu held his breath. The man was coming back for him! The man stopped by the bed then Mathieu saw a bloody blade appear. In its reflection he saw the face of his mother's cold-blooded murderer. The Black Hand insignia, sign of the Dark Brotherhood! And the man… His eyes met the reflected eyes of this murderer, this assassin. The assassin could see him in the glint of the blade, he knew he could. Mathieu sobbed, waiting for the man to reach down and take him and kill him. But no… the man did nothing. He just turned and walked away.

Mathieu came out from under the bed and stared numbly at his mother's body. All at once he burst into tears. "Mommy, mommy, come back!" he screamed. Daddy had killed mommy, he knew it! Daddy had threatened her with the Dark Brotherhood, but mommy had laughed; and daddy had done it. He'd summoned them. Mathieu screamed in anguish and misery, collapsing onto his mother. Daddy would pay for taking mommy from him, for destroying the life they had built… And the assassin… The whole of the Brotherhood would suffer for the life they'd destroyed, for everything; and he… Mathieu Bellamont, would be the one to end them.

ES

What did he say to you? What did he offer you that made you accept? What did he tell you she had done to deserve death? Did you even wonder? Did you even care? Did you even stop to think that perhaps this was a life, just like yours; a woman who was loved and needed; a woman who'd had dreams and hopes? You just… You just cut her down like an animal!

ES

"She is a little shrew; worthless, useless, and I want my wife dead," the man told the killer.

"It will be done," the assassin had agreed.

"Good. And one more thing. For a bonus kill everything that moves in that house, be it man, woman, beast… child. Kill everyone who is in there with her, no exceptions. And do it between nine and ten," the contract ordered.

ES

You didn't suspect anything. You didn't suspect that you had signed a death warrant for more than just her, did you? After all, it wasn't your job to question your contracts… Why did you spare me? Why couldn't you have killed me and stopped any of this from ever happening? Your family is dead because of _you_! You spared _me_! I wanted to die… You couldn't grant me even that one wish, though, could you? That would have been too easy. Mommy, mommy, I miss you. I want you to hug me and kiss me again and tell me you love me. Oh mommy, if only I could feel your kiss, hear your voice, one last time…

ES

The assassin had gone without a word more, only bowing to the client. He had done what the man had ordered. He had killed the woman in cold blood, but there had been no one else, so he'd thought. Until he'd heard a little gasp… He'd returned to the bed. There was someone under there… He had lowered the blade down, looked into its reflection, and met the eyes of a small and beautiful little boy looking shocked and terrified, tears in his eyes.

The contract had been to kill him as well, anyone who was in the house, no exceptions, and for a moment he seriously pondered dragging the child out and slaughtering him then and there. But he'd guessed at the father's motive, and he was none too impressed. And the boy… He wouldn't do it. He'd never killed a child in his life; he wasn't going to start with this one. He didn't care for the bonus. Even if he _had_ cared, he could have tricked the man into giving it to him. He'd left the boy alive.

ES

You don't know half of it. You don't know how irreparably you destroyed me that night. Do you know what he did to me when he came back and saw his son was still alive? No, of course you don't; and you wouldn't have cared if you'd known, would you have, _would_ you! …

_Would_ you…?

ES

His father entered, smirking cruelly. It had all come into place. But then he heard sobbing and crying… Sobbing and crying? Impossible! He raced into the room and spotted the child weeping over his mother's body. The boy cried out to him, ran to his arms seeking comfort, but the man didn't care. He grabbed the child by the throat, eyes burning with hatred and murder. He threw the boy onto the bed and proceeded to beat him mercilessly, screaming curses at him for living. Screaming curses at the assassin for going back on the contract bonus. He beat the child until he heard bones snap, and then he threw the boy out into the snow.

ES

He kept me alive, his little ragdoll. Physically and mentally he abused me, no pity, no mercy, no break. Mommy is dead because of you. Why didn't you try to help mommy? It's your fault mommy is gone. Your fault the assassin came. Oh Mathieu, I hear mommy crying in the Void. She's so sad and lonely and angry because _you_ didn't go _with_ her. How dare you make mommy cry?

You, shut up! Just… just shut up! Assassin, I don't want to hear your sympathies in my mind! You're not even here! You're dead! You destroyed my everything! He began to neglect me and then… then he spiced things up… Then he became sexual. Oh why didn't you kill me Lucien, why couldn't you have killed me?! The-the first time it happened he came into my room and said he was lonely without mommy. He missed her. I thought he loved me again.

Where were you then Lachance? Where were you when I had screamed out for an avenger day in and day out, night after night? It was my fault mommy was gone; I had to make him not miss her as much. I-I couldn't get away. I-I tried so hard to… I screamed and tried to run, but he wouldn't let me go. He-he wouldn't let me go… And he, he… again and again and again each time growing worse until I couldn't even scream anymore, could hardly move. Then every time he said he missed her… Oh gods, every time...

Props, friends, he loved to share me. He said he was so proud of me. Would you have acted? Would you have stepped in if you'd known? No… No! You are a monster! You would have watched! You would have laughed and joined, I know you would have! No… you wouldn't have… You wouldn't… But you… you would do nothing for me.

Stop it. Stop the voices, make them leave me alone! I don't want to be insane! I don't want this destiny! I refuse this life, please! Spare me, please spare me! That's what I said over and over, every night, every day, whenever he darn well felt the urge. He never listened to me… Neither will you, neither will the Aedra or Daedra or anyone… Lucien, Lucien help me. Take me away like you did before. Do you remember that night? No, why would you? KillhimKillhimKillhimKillhim !

ES

The man brought the boy to the worn down shack where voices and laughing of men and women alike was heard. But the boy had had enough. It was time for his father to pay the price for the crime he'd committed. Not for what he'd done to the child, oh no. For what he'd done to his mommy. The child had killed the man, taken his heart, and then… Then the assassin came. The boy gazed up at him in terror. No, it couldn't be! He thought he wouldn't be hurt anymore, but the Dark Brotherhood man would do what daddy always did because that's what everyone _else_ did; and when he was done he would finish him off. No… No, it never happened.

"You are rather young to be a murderer," the man said gently to him. The boy gazed up at him in fear, curling into himself and gazing wide eyed up at this Black Hand. "Hush, child, don't be afraid. I won't hurt you," he said, noticing the child's fear. Gently he offered his hand. The boy looked at it hesitantly, looked up at him. Then… then he took the hand of his mother's murderer, drew close to him and hid in his arms sobbing uncontrollably… And the man held him gently, protectively, lovingly, waited until the sobs had stopped. The man took his hand and led him back to the sanctuary, took him under his wing and gave him a family.

ES

You don't know how you've ruined my life… I felt more protected and safe than I ever _had_ just listening to your voice. You trained me, you… you _raised_ me. You read bedtime stories to me and soothed me from my nightmares. You will never know how you destroyed my life! You will never know! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! I hate everything about you! I… you made me _love_ you, but I hated you with so much passion it could never be described, will never be described. You were my father, my protector. You were so stupid, foolish, blinded, and I hated you all the more! Why couldn't you see, Lachance? Why couldn't you open your eyes and realize that the boy you had practically raised, the boy you had grown to love, would be your traitor, the one who would destroy your family and everything you held dear.

You could have stopped me… You could have killed me… If only you had known… If only you had clued in, hadn't been such a fool… You could have killed me any of those times I ran to you for comfort, seeking your love and protection as I wept for things you never knew of; things you would never understand… Your Silencer blinded you. You were so obsessed with ensuring her safety, ensuring her innocence, that you never took the time to step back, look at everything, and realize that all that had happened revolved around _me_.

ES

I grinned victoriously as they tore into you as if you were nothing but an animal to be slaughtered and butchered, just as you had once done to my mother. I stifled laughter as we attacked, hid my smirk… But I couldn't watch the others finish you. I laughed, grinned, felt like dancing as they tore into you, humiliated you, but I couldn't watch you finally die… And near the end… Near the end of your life I had stopped laughing, stopped smiling; and I fought back tears because you had made me love you so, so much, and hate you at the same time! I didn't-I didn't know what to do! You were my reason for living…

And you looked at me when we first surrounded you, and you were surprised, I saw it, and then hurt. But you realized, then, everything you had missed. Why couldn't you have caught on sooner and stopped it all from happening? Hurt turned to fury, then realization. You remembered me as your life flashed before your eyes. You saw the beautiful little boy hiding beneath the bed watching his mother's murder; you tied him to the young lad who had mercilessly butchered his father and you knew… You knew that fate had sealed this path long ago for all of us. KillhimKillhimKillhimKillhim SparehimKillhim…Spare him, _please_! He was never the traitor, you were never the traitor! I was, I was! Kill me, let him live, set me free and let me join my mother again!

Mommy, will I _ever_ see you again, or have I destroyed that chance and you will be somewhere else? Daddy…Lucien…Daddy… I don't know what you are to me anymore. Will I ever see _you_ again? Will you be able to look at me like once before? Look at me again, please! Just look at me! See what you've done to me, what _I've_ done to me! Please, let me find you there in the Void! Please, do not turn your back on me! Don't forget me when everyone else has!

KillhimKillhimKillhimSparehi m… I hate everything about you, so why do I so love you? KillhimKillhimKillhimKillhim SparehimSpare_me_. Help us both, oh destiny please have mercy. But there will be no mercy, will there? I've destroyed that too. What is life's greatest illusion? Innocence, my brother, my father. Innocence is an illusion, a lie, you always told me that. I understand now. I understand. I will not apologize, I will not say I'm sorry for what I've done. I regret nothing, but at the same time I regret everything…

…

-Mathieu Bellamont to Lucien Lachance

Child Of Darkness

Have you heard the tale of Mathieu Bellamont, and the great treachery of Cheydinhal? Kill a boy's mother, and vengeance festers in the son… Have you heard the tale of Mathieu Bellamont, and the great treachery? Of Mathieu Bellamont, Mathieu Bellamont…

ES

I know, child of darkness, what I have done to you. I see you suffer unbearable pain every day and every night, praying for death, because of me. I understand how I have robbed you of your innocence. I remember, child of darkness. I remember everything. I remember the night your mother's husband called out to the Dark Brotherhood. I remember his words to me. I remember his conditions. It was never the place of an assassin to question why, but I questioned… Why such detail, why such rewards, why, why, why. I remember her screams, her sobs, her pleas for mercy. You were right. I cut her down like a sacrificial beast. Never humanize your victim, never; for if you do you will weaken, you will fall, you will not go through with it… I never stopped to think she was a human just as _I_ was. I never gazed upon her beauty, I never heard her pleas. She was nothing, and I treated her as nothing.

I remember you too, child of darkness. A little gasp. Piercing eyes, hurt and frightened and vulnerable, gazing into mine in the reflection of the blade. Light brown hair in soft curly waves, falling around an innocent face, showcasing your expression of horror and misery. I did not know what your father's reaction would be. Perhaps I did not want to even think… Perhaps part of me hoped he would kill you himself so the bloodguilt of a child wouldn't rest upon my hands, already red and stained with the blood of so many victims… You believe I wouldn't have cared, that I would have watched and laughed as he treated you as a ragdoll. You believe I would have relished in every moment, watching as he systematically ripped you apart fibre by fibre. You believe so much that isn't true…

I would not have stood idly by; I would not have taken joy from your suffering. You cried out for an avenger every waking moment. Had I heard, I would have been the one to come for you, because you had reached something deep inside of me that I had long forgotten I possessed. Humanity…

ES

I remember the night you murdered your father. I was there, waiting in the shack, watching a contract. The man fell dead at my feet in secret, poisoned by an apple; and that was when a man entered with a small boy… The child was shaking, gazing around with tear-filled eyes. He made no move when men came to him, leered at him. He brought you up the stairs, calling out to the others, inviting them. Some began to follow; _I_ began to follow. I cut them down in the halls, no one the wiser. Death was all around me as the revelers ate of the poisoned fruit bowl, and those who never ate fell to my blade.

I remember walking into the room and seeing you bent over your father, holding his heart in your hand, pale and disbelieving. You were naked, young child, and I felt sick to the stomach. Humanity… Never had I felt it since the night I spotted the little boy hiding under the bed, gazing into his dead mother's eyes. And I told you that you were rather young for a murderer. You said nothing, gazing at me in fear.

I knew then my child, my son, what you thought. I know that you feared I was going to hurt you like daddy had been doing, like all the revelers below would have done; and it hurt me to see a child who had long ago forgotten how to trust, who had long ago lost the innocence that was rightfully theirs. I told you I wouldn't hurt you. You took my hand then burst into tears in my arms. A weight had been lifted from you in that moment, I know; and I wrapped you in a linin wrap, sparing you your modesty. I concealed you in my robes as we rode into the town. I clothed you in the garb of the brotherhood, and I brought you into my home, into the midst of my family.

ES

I mentored you, took you under my wing, raised you, loved you… Do you remember when you used to crawl into my bed timidly, bury yourself beneath the blankets, curl up close to my side and ask for a story? I read to you almost every night, sang songs of days passed, soothed away your nightmares, did everything for you that your father had failed to do. You do not think I realized who you were, but all the while something inside of me told me _exactly_ who you were. The beautiful child I had once found hiding beneath his mother's bed; the beautiful child who had cowered naked and vulnerable in a shack filled with revellers and drunkards who would have had their way with him. Your avenger came, Mathieu. I know he came late, so, so late, but he came… He came… And he regrets every waking moment that he never came sooner.

He gave you a place to hide, a place to feel safe. He protected you, comforted you, did all he could possibly do for you. Yes, I was stupid and blind. I never saw you for what you were becoming. Despite everything I never saw. I was so busy trying to redeem myself in my _own_ eyes that I lost sight of where I was in yours. Your treachery… I didn't understand why, but as I met your eyes I knew… I understood and knew, and at that point I stopped fighting. You thought you'd all broken me, become too much for me. No… I would have died fighting; but I surrendered to them all. Love had blinded me, yes, but you were wrong. It wasn't the love for my Silencer that destroyed us all.

Come back to me, my child… Come back to me my child… I wait for you in the Void. I will not turn my back on you. I will not forget you. I will not hate you even after the rest of the world has come to despise you. My son, I could never forget… I could never forget my errors, you, anything. And as long as this speaker has a voice to speak, your name will not be forgotten. Over and over I will speak to the treachery of Cheydinhal; over and over I will tell all who care to listen why.

Have you heard the tale of Mathieu Bellamont, and the great treachery of Cheydinhal? Kill a boy's mother and vengeance festers in the son… Come back to me my child… You will never know how much I loved you. You will never know how sincerely I forgive you. You will never know that each time I called you my son, my child, I meant every word. You were mine, the child of my body and flesh of my soul… Your mother's husband I do not even call your father any longer. How can I?

ES

You will never know how I longed to change the world and erase time, if only to spare you pain. You will never know how desperately I want to hold you close again and swear on every divine and immortal that exists that nothing will ever hurt you. These words I never spoke to you. You never knew that I would have left alone everything I knew and loved to make you feel that it wasn't too late for you. These actions you will never accept if I am ever given the chance. We are lost now, you and I; and as my Silencer ends your life, only pity in her eyes, I realize how true this is.

As you breathe your last a tear falls from my eye. I pray that I will find you again, child, here in this emptiness. I will not stop searching and proclaiming your name throughout to all I encounter. I know that you will never forgive me, can never forgive me. I cannot forgive myself for what I have done. But I will speak these words to you one day my son, my child, my little boy, and you will know the truth about your father. Let mercy come to you, child of darkness. For me it is too late, but let mercy come to you. I love you… I love you so, so much. Peace find you brother, son, and until it does there will be no respite for me either. I will not leave you to suffer alone in this Void.

...

-Lucien Lachance to Mathieu Bellamont

* * *

A/N: Complete unless my readers want me to continue.


	2. Journey Into Skyrim: Riften

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: After much thought I've decided to continue with this story, though I can't promise quick updates like usual. Since I've never played Oblivion before, I know next to nothing about Cyrodil beyond the Dark Brotherhood quest line. I have chosen Skyrim as a setting under the guise of a journey, but if anyone can tell me about the Thieves Guild, towns, and other things in Oblivion, perhaps I can change things around. Forgive me if some parts seem to have Lucien out of character. If it really bothers you please tell me and I will fix it to the best of my ability. Until then, enjoy. The story will follow both Mathieu and Lucien's paths from the moment Mathieu was brought under Lucien's care to the end of their lives.)

Journey Into Skyrim: Riften

"Lucien, Lucien, where are we going?" Mathieu demanded, trying to keep up to the man through the snow. He cried out in pain as he slipped and fell. Annoyed he rose and hurried ahead once more to where Lachance now waited, smirking in amusement.

"To another province nearby," Lucien answered.

"But why!? And why is it so cold?" Mathieu demanded, shivering and wrapping his arms tightly around him.

Lucien chuckled then went back to the boy, giving a cape to him. Mathieu snatched it and wrapped it tightly around himself, teeth chattering. "Only to journey there, child; for curiosities sake."

"Liar," Mathieu flat out accused, grouchy at the early start they'd gotten.

Lucien smirked and answered, "Only partially. In my youth I travelled quite extensively. I cannot say I do not miss that. I have waited for an excuse to travel once more, and finally it has come. The sanctuaries in Skyrim have run into some problems with the Thieves Guild. We are going to aid them."

"They can solve their own problems," Mathieu complained, tying the cape around his neck and drawing up the hood. He adjusted the long black gloves that practically covered his arms. Sulkily he marched after Lucien cursing him a thousand times over.

"Watch your step, Mathieu," Lucien warned, examining a snowy trail and relatively steep drop. Probably not steep enough to kill anyone if they fell, but certainly enough to injure them.

"I'm fine," Mathieu argued. Just then the ground began to slip and he caught his breath. He screamed as it gave out beneath him. All at once his fall was stopped. He looked quickly up. Lucien had seized his wrist firmly, trying to appear angry and stern; his eyes, though, were dancing with quiet laughter. Lucien pulled him back up and placed the young child in front of him, nudging him along. Mathieu glared back and stuck out his tongue. Lucien ignored, which burned the put out child more. "I hate you," Mathieu sneered.

"It was bound to happen at some point," Lucien teased.

Four Days Earlier

_Silently he stalked his victim. His eyes glittered. So close… He was so, so close… It would only be a little longer. As soon as the man turned, he would have his victory. One attack and his prey would fall. There would never be a more perfect opportunity. He was alone, Lucien was all alone, and he was completely unaware of the predator creeping towards him. Moving cautiously forward he paused. Just a little more. Lucien's back was turned… Now!_

_All at once he sprang from the cliff with a battle cry and landed on the shocked man's back, knocking him down. Lucien cried out in alarm as he tumbled down a hill with the assailant still on his back. Lucien grabbed hold of his foe. Unbelievable. He'd done it! They came to a stop at the bottom of the hill laughing, the little attacker laying on Lucien's chest._

"_I did it, I did it! I got you Lucien, see! I told you I could!" the little one exclaimed._

"_I can't believe it. You did! I couldn't even hear you. Excellent, Mathieu, excellent," Lucien praised. "But you aren't supposed to relish a victory until it is a victory." Mathieu's smile fell on seeing the glint in Lachance's eyes. He gasped as suddenly his mentor rolled, pinning him beneath. Mathieu screamed then burst into laughter as Lucien tickled him mercilessly. The child's eyes sparkled with excitement and happiness. Lucien suddenly scooped him up and tossed him into the air. Mathieu laughed in glee and excitement. Lucien caught him and nuzzled his nose with his own._

_ES_

_It was moments like these when Mathieu forgot. He forgot everything. It was moments like these when he forgot that this man had murdered his mama. It was moments like these when he forgot this man was not his father, forgot that he himself was a member of the organization he despised, forgot everything but happiness and love and protection and contentment. Nothing mattered, not the past, not the future, just now. It was moments like these that he felt so safe, so loved, that nothing could ever hurt him because daddy was always there… Except he wasn't daddy…_

_Daddy was dead. This was Lucien Lachance. This was the reason mommy wasn't here with him now. When that realization caught up, his smile fell to a sad look, then angry, then hateful, then miserable again. But then Lucien's gaze would soften, like now, and he would put him down and whisper like it was a secret, "I have something for you."_

_Instantly Mathieu's hatred and sadness gave way to curiosity. His eyes lit up in intrigue. "What?" he whispered back, eyes wide, pupils large. He wondered what it was this time._

"_Three things, actually. One of them is sweet and warm and covered in a glaze," Lucien hinted, tapping Mathieu's little nose each time._

_Mathieu's eyes widened excitedly. "An apple honey nut treat!" Mathieu cried out in excitement. Lucien laughed and produced the sticky goody from a bag. He marvelled at how a child could take such happiness from such a small thing. Mathieu clapped, laughing, and took it. Eagerly he bit in. It was his favorite thing to eat in the world! Lucien beamed at the little boy, grinning lovingly at him. He hadn't meant to get so attached to the child, you know. He'd never planned on it. The boy had just grown on him._

_ES_

_Lucien sat down and brought out a book. Mathieu waited, eyes excited to hear the story Lucien had selected. "What do you think this book is about?" Lucien asked, pointing at the picture on the cover._

_Mathieu, curious, looking it over trying to guess. His eyes lit up and he replied, "A Dragon!"_

"_Let's see," Lucien answered. "Would you like to read it, or should I read it to you?"_

"_I can't read very well yet. You," Mathieu answered, still busily eating his treat. Lucien did so and Mathieu listened in rapt attention. As the story closed he said in awe, eyes wide as he looked at the last picture, "Wow, the Dragonborn. That's from Skyrim?"_

"_Yes," Lucien said. "Skyrim is a beautiful land, but very cold and very snowy."_

"_I wanna go see it one day, and talk to the Dragonborn!" Mathieu exclaimed as Lucien shut the book. Quickly turning to the man, Mathieu added, "Lucien, you said you had more surprises!"_

"_So I did," Lucien answered. "Close your eyes." Mathieu did so. He heard Lucien draw something out of his cloak and shifted impatiently in his spot. "Open them."_

_Mathieu did so immediately and gasped, eyes widening. There in a little case lay a dagger, sharp and deadly, glistening against the velvet! "Is that… Is that for me?" Mathieu asked in awe._

_Lucien smirked. "Yes. A present just for you."_

_ES_

_Mathieu took it carefully and admired it in awe. Suddenly realizing what he held he grinned excitedly. "I wanna try!" he insisted._

"_In a moment, Mathieu," Lucien replied, laughing. "Don't you want to see the last gift?"_

"_Yeah!" Mathieu replied._

"_I'm afraid it's not quite as unique as the dagger, but I believe you will like it," Lucien remarked. Quickly he pulled out one more object._

_Mathieu beamed and exclaimed, "A dragon!" He grabbed the soft teddy eagerly. Laughing he held it tightly and close._

"_Perhaps he will help you sleep better," Lucien gently said, ruffling the boy's hair. He knew that the child had a lot of difficulty falling asleep and staying that way. "Don't forget him."_

"_Forget?" Mathieu asked, confused._

_Lucien smirked and said, "We're going on an adventure in a week, to another province."_

_He was winded when Mathieu flung himself into his arms and said, "Thank you Lucien." Lucien smiled and held the boy back._

Present Day

They approached a rather large city. Mathieu crinkled his nose. It appeared prosperous, but the buildings looked run down. "What is _that_?" he disdainfully questioned.

"Riften. I do so love Riften. I journeyed here in my youth. A thief took my purse, so I took his eyes. It was a fair trade," Lucien replied, eyes glittering at the memory. "City of thieves, my son; the main operating point of the Thieves Guild. Hold your purse tightly."

Mathieu blinked then took his little coin purse, checking its contents. He couldn't see why anyone would want his purse. It wasn't much. "They wouldn't steal from a little kid," Mathieu argued.

Lucien laughed and replied, "They would rob their grandparent's blind if it meant gold! Watch anyone within an arm's length of you." Mathieu shifted uneasily then tucked his coin purse into the hood of his cape.

"Halt, you need to pay the visitor's tax," a guard at the gate declared.

"What's a visitor's tax?" Mathieu questioned blankly.

"A shakedown, child. What say you, Mathieu? Shall we humor the thief or… 'deal' with it?" Lucien asked.

The thief's eyes widened and he quickly unlocked the gate, saying, "Welcome to Riften." Lucien grinned coldly then took the boy's hand, leading him into the town.

ES

Mathieu gaped in awe at all the people in the city, eyes wide. It was busy, _very_ busy. "Wow!" he exclaimed on seeing the jewels that merchants were holding up. No _wonder_ thieving was a problem! He gasped on watching a thief snatch a necklace from around a woman's neck while putting on a juggling act to entertain the crowds. "They're good," he remarked.

"And you will get to see their headquarters, child. The Thieves Guild is beginning to get in the way of the Dark Brotherhood in Skyrim. We have a conference to carry out," Lucien said.

"Why did you bring _me_?" Mathieu questioned.

"The experience. You have often said you longed to travel Tamriel and here we are. Surprise. And this is only one of the many journey's to come," Lucien said, smirking.

"Really?!" Mathieu exclaimed excitedly, eyes widening in delight. "Thank you sir, thank you!" he exclaimed, launching into Lucien's arms, grinning. Lucien smirked and held the boy back.

ES

Lucien led Mathieu down beneath the city and towards the Thieves Guild headquarters. Quickly the two slipped inside and walked through the catacombs silently, weapons ready. "Why do we need weapons?" Mathieu questioned.

"Because all manner of unsavory character hides down here. To get to the Ragged Flaggon we must first make it through the Ratway. Murderers, traitors, petty criminals… predators… Do not leave my side, boy," Lucien warned seriously. This time there would be no antics pulled, accidental or on purpose, on Mathieu's part. He shuddered to think of what some of the men and women down here would do to a lost child. Mathieu was skilled with a blade; there was no doubt about it. One of the greatest he'd ever seen, in fact; but numbers could overwhelm, and the child was only that, a child, and a very young child at that.

All at once Mathieu whirled and attacked something behind them, bringing it quickly down. Lucien started and gazed back at the now dead man. He hadn't even _seen_ the person sneaking up on them. "I can take care of myself," little Mathieu sulked.

Lucien would have smirked and chuckled, even teased the boy, except he knew that defiant glint all too well. Mathieu loved proving his points, and if he didn't watch the boy, Mathieu would make a break for it. "Numbers overwhelm even the best of us," Lucien simply answered with a serious glare, hoping the phrase would erase any such ideas from the child's mind. No such luck. If anything, Mathieu looked even _more_ determined.

ES

As Lucien and Mathieu took down yet another attacker, Lucien wiped his blade, now annoyed. The way to the Ragged Flaggon wasn't even long, yet it was taking almost twenty minutes to reach it with all the thieves and ruffians that had attacked them so far. "They have better things to do, why are they trying to hurt _us_?" little Mathieu demanded, more angry than annoyed.

"Because we aren't supposed to be here," Lucien growled lowly, seeing another impending attack approaching; this time three men and two women. Lucien looked over at Mathieu, checking the boy's progress. Bellamont was beginning to look worn and tired. Not good. When he was worn and tired, the boy got careless. When he began to let anger and hatred rule him, he got sloppy. They still had a lot of work to do in that aspect. He would slash at anything and everything, often with poor judgement. It would be the child's downfall one day if he wasn't careful. Biting his lower lip Lucien made a quick decision. "Do not interfere in this battle, little one. You are tired," he ordered.

"I can do it!" Mathieu protested angrily, put out at the insinuation.

"I want you out of my way, Mathieu. That's final. You have a bad habit of getting in the way of my blade when you are worn out and angry," Lucien argued.

"I do _not_!" Mathieu protested, stomping his foot and clenching his fists.

ES

"Well, well, look what the cat dragged in," one of the thieves, a woman, said. Lucien pushed Mathieu lightly behind him.

"Out of the way," Lucien growled lowly. "We have an appointment in the Ragged Flaggon."

"Oh do you now? Well, that's one appointment you won't be making," a man declared.

"Not so fast. Let the man go. We can watch his little whelp while he's busy," another man said, grinning cruelly at Mathieu. Mathieu's eyes widened in fear and he hid farther behind Lucien, all bravery suddenly fleeing. Too many memories had been forced back up; memories he'd longed to be rid of but probably would never lose.

Lucien silently cursed. Some scars were so deep no amount of training would ever fix them, and the thinly veiled innuendo plunged the boy into a time and terror no one would ever conquer but the child himself. When such memories resurfaced, the boy regressed to the helplessness he had once felt so long ago, the sense of being overpowered, worthless, unable to fight back, a victim. His abilities suffered drastically, and now Lucien was left the boy's only protector, a role he was all too willing to fill, and violently at that.

"You have one more chance. Leave or die," Lucien growled lowly to the attackers, as Mathieu whimpered meekly, cowering behind him. When one of the women blew a kiss at him tauntingly, Mathieu buried his face in Lucien's robes.

"Daddy," he meekly said. Lucien turned, concerned for his ward, then looked sharply back.

"You've chosen die? Good. I do so long for a challenge," Lucien growled. They attacked. Lucien seized Mathieu's hand and thrust him to the side. Mathieu, eyes wide, quickly crawled behind the barrels and peered out as Lachance whirled on the attackers, dealing with them as easily as anything one by one.

Some Time Ago

_Lucien leaned against a pillar, eyes scanning with disgust the revellers inn. He heard a loud laugh and spotted his contract, as drunk as anything. The man was eyeing him and Lucien grimaced in disgust. Still, he had a job to do. He raised his glass to the man then turned away. Any second now… Sure enough he soon smelled the mead, heard the heavy breathing. He fingered the apple in his pocket and smirked. It would be over soon. He just had to hold out a little longer. He scowled as he felt the drunken contract kiss his neck. It took all his restraint not to draw his dagger. A little longer, just a little longer. The poisoned apple would be so much more satisfying._

_He nearly snapped when the man put his lips to his ear, nipped it, then growled, "Newcomer, don't be shy. Why don't we go upstairs? There is no need to be ashamed of what you are here. I can show you how. You don't have to be worried."_

_With unbelievable willpower, Lucien drew the apple from his cloak and smiled at the man. "Perhaps. Here, have an apple," he virtually purred._

_The man was too drunk to see the murder and delight in this strangers gaze, but he was fully aware of the seductive tone, the sultry voice. It could make a lion purr. He chuckled and took the strangers gift, biting into it without question. The man made a face, choked and gasped a moment, then fell to the ground dead._

_Lucien retrieved the apple and chuckled darkly, placing it on the table. Quickly he injected the fruit bowl with the poison. What was his bonus? Kill off every reveller there. One of them came and took the bowl, bringing the fruit to the front counter. People began taking the poisoned items. Now all he had to do was wait and watch… and pick off the survivors._

_ES_

_All at once the door was opened and he glanced over, slightly curious. His eyes widened and his breath caught on seeing the newest arrivals. A man entered holding the hand of a small boy. A father and son? Here? But then that would mean… His stomach churned on seeing the cold and lustful look in the man's eyes as he looked down upon his child. His child. This boy that was part of him, his flesh and blood, and he gazed at him like that?_

_And the boy, he was beautiful. How could his own father even think of hurting him so? Lucien's eyes narrowed coldly as the revellers without 'partners' took notice of the boy. They came to him, leering at him, touching and feeling the child; and all the while the boy only stood there, silently weeping, frightened and helpless yet resigned and brave. He wouldn't draw near his father for protection. The man would give none._

_Lucien stood straight, eyes glittering. He drew his blade and caressed it. A comfort. He gazed at the boy. Thick, curly brown hair that fell in waves around his innocent face… No, not so innocent. Not anymore. Anymore? Had he seen this child before? A chill ran through him and something inside screamed that yes, yes he had. But from where? And the boy's father… He looked familiar as well._

_The father suddenly called out, "Come, my friends. You like what you see, no?" As if the boy was a prize, the man lifted him up displaying him for all eyes to look upon. Placing the boy down the man said, "We'll be upstairs."_

_Lucien felt something inside of him drop to the pit of his stomach as he watched the boy sob, as he saw, yes saw, the child's little heart breaking into pieces. Gentleness came to his eyes, concern, and a surge of something shot through him like a shock spell. Protection. Why? Could the thing that had dropped have been the heart he'd long thought dead? He nearly scoffed at the idea, but then the father dragged his child towards the stairs, and he knew… That was exactly what it had been. Laughing, many of the revellers followed, calling to others that it would be their turn next. That was when the boy began to sob uncontrollably. That was when Lucien acted._

_ES_

_Revellers were partaking of the fruit bowl. One by one they were dropping, their 'friends' becoming suspicions. Now was the time to move. He drew the Blade of Woe and finished the stragglers. Swiftly he went after the revellers that had headed upstairs, and one by one he cut them all down. There wasn't even any suspicion. He was too quick, too quiet. And now he was alone in the upper hall._

_Silently he stalked it, listening for the sound of a child's sobbing. A child's wasn't the only sobbing he heard. Apparently there were many victims, but they would have nothing to fear anymore. Where was the little one? Desperation playing on him he threw open every door he came to silently until finally he froze. He'd found the room, and he went white on seeing the scene._

_The child was there. The child was naked. He felt sick to the stomach. He saw that the bed was covered in blood, and for a horrifying moment he thought it was the child's. He nearly threw up. But then he realized something. The man wasn't moving. The father wasn't moving, the child was pale, and the little one held a dagger in one hand, a red object in the other. Lucien's eyes widened in shock. A heart… The boy had taken out his father's heart… The child began to shake and dropped both the heart and the knife, still unaware of the presence behind him._

_Lucien watched, now very attentive. Such skill could be very, very useful to his associates. The young boy was trying to comprehend what he'd just done. The boy gasped in shock as it hit him. It was then that Lucien made his appearance. "You are rather young to be a murderer," he declared, approaching._

_ES_

_Mathieu gasped and spun, eyes wide in terror. His face crumbled into anguish and hatred on seeing the figure. No… he thought he was safe again… He was frightened. He was frightened because this assassin was watching him. This stranger would hurt him and do what daddy always did because that's what everyone else did… No, not a stranger. He knew this man… He knew those eyes. This monster had murdered his mommy and left him for daddy to play with. He burst into tears, exhausted. He wouldn't fight back. He couldn't anymore._

"_Hush, little one, shh. Don't be afraid. I will not hurt you," the murderer breathed. Mathieu looked up slowly in disbelief. What? The man neared again. Mathieu tried to disappear into himself, but the man drew out a linen wrap and sat on the bed, wrapping him softly in it. All at once Mathieu could control himself no more._

_Before he knew what he was doing, he was in the arms of his mother's killer, the man who had destroyed his life, sobbing helplessly. What else could the assassin do but hold the sobbing child back? He scooped Mathieu up tenderly, rocking him as he wept, and brought the child from the inn where so many bodies lay now. Mathieu looked at them in morbid fascination, but he couldn't look for long. Again he hid his eyes._

_ES_

_Lucien swung up onto Shadowmere's back, the child still in his arms. Gently, protectively, he concealed the boy in his robes and rode towards the nearest town. The child would need clothes, he determined. And food. He would need to be cleaned up. He would need to be returned to his family… But something inside told him that the boy had none. Something inside of him told him that he knew exactly why that was so. "What is your name, child?" Lucien soothingly cooed as he felt the little boy drifting off, exhausted both physically and emotionally._

"_Mathieu…" the little one hardly whispered. "Mathieu Bellamont."_

"_Mathieu Bellamont… I like it," Lucien remarked, though his heart was pounding harder in alarm. Bellamont, Bellamont… It sounded so familiar…"Do you have a family, Mathieu?"_

"_No," he hardly whispered._

"_You will," Lucien replied, throwing the thought that had come to him away. It couldn't be. The boy's eyes widened, now fully awake._

"_What do you mean…?" Mathieu gasped._

"_Have you heard about the Dark Brotherhood?" Lucien questioned. Mathieu caught his breath. Yes, yes he had heard of them… They had killed his mother. You killed my mother._

"_No," Mathieu answered._

_Lucien darkly chuckled and declared, "You will."_

Present Day

Two of the attackers went to stab him from behind, but Lucien spun the body of a dead member around to take the blows. He took down the two behind him swiftly, finishing them all with nothing but a dagger. Softly panting he looked around. No more interruptions? Good. He went to the barrels and knelt. He became immediately alarmed. The boy wasn't there! He cursed again. "Mathieu, Mathieu, answer me!" Lucien called sharply. Of _course_ the boy would decide to go on ahead.

"Is this it?!" Mathieu called, coming up a path. Lucien sharply looked over and resisted the urge to lose his temper.

Angrily he marched over and firmly took the boy's hand, growling, "I told you to stay near."

"I did," Mathieu argued. Lucien scowled at him and Mathieu backed down. Apparently they had different viewpoints about what was close or not; and ultimately he had lost this argument.

Lucien shook his head then went to the door. "It is," he confirmed. Quickly he walked in before Mathieu could decide to bolt again.

ES

The two walked towards the leader of the guild. The man stood, arms folded, waiting for them to approach. "What business does the Dark Brotherhood have with us _this_ time?" the leader asked, obviously uninterested in whatever it was they had to say.

"I'm sorry, was that exasperation I heard," Lucien lowly growled. "I pray for your sake it wasn't."

"You are on our territory now, Speaker. Lucien Lachance, was it? You will respect _our_ rules _here_," the leader warned.

"The Brotherhood has never done anything less, but _you_ have," Lucien said.

"Oh? And what do you mean by _that_?" the leader icily questioned.

"Intruding on our contracts, defying the Dark Brotherhood at every turn. That was _not_ per our agreement. Nor was your stealing of our contracts, or your looting of the bodies. Nor was your overcharging for anything we do in this province, especially near and around Riften. Stay out of our business, if you want this guild to prosper another two-hundred years," Lucien ordered simply.

"Are you threatening us, Black Hand?" the man warned icily.

"Six ways to Frostfall," Mathieu replied for Lucien, not liking the thief.

"Hush you," Lucien warned.

ES

"And who is _this_ defiant little whelp?" the leader questioned.

Mathieu stuck out his tongue. Lucien covered the boy's mouth and answered, "My son, Mathieu."

"A mistake to bring your child alone," the thief stated. "What if things turned… ugly?"

"I would be victorious. But of course I would not want the child to be harmed. Why don't you call on some of your men to take him to another room while we… _discuss_, matters?" Lucien asked.

The thief was quiet a long moment. Finally he replied, "Fine, but there is no need for bloodshed, friend. The Brotherhood and the Guild have always been close allies. We'll see if we can't work something out." The thief gestured for the woman at his back to take the child away.

The woman smiled sweetly at Mathieu, saying, "Come on honey, let's bring you to get something to eat." She offered her hand. Mathieu suspiciously looked at it, then Lucien. Lucien nodded and smiled reassuringly. Mathieu looked back and took her hand, following her away from Lucien and the thief leader. Uncertainly he glanced back, but the woman assured, "Don't you worry now. Papa will be fine. It's all words, no more."

ES

Mathieu struggled angrily, furious. Of course the younger women in the Ragged Flaggon would start gushing all over the 'adorable little baby with the thick curly brown hair.' Mathieu struggled, angrily shouting at them to let him go as they were brushing his hair and trying to pamper him. He cried out in pain as a knot was pulled. Viciously he made a rude noise with his tongue at the young woman who had pulled. The older women took a sort of sick amusement from it all and let the younger ones have their fun. Mathieu coughed as one girl sprayed him with a perfume. He gagged and made the same sound at _her_, but what could he do?

Finally he was sulking, arms folded angrily as he helplessly let them completely destroy any dignity he'd had. They were even trying nail polishes on him! _Nail_ polishes; and blushes and bows too! At least they hadn't tried lipsticks yet. He looked at his hands, vaguely amused at the intricate pattern they'd managed to design on such a little nail. He had to give them credit; it had to have taken a lot of hard work to make it. But did they have to do his hair up?

"I'm not a girl," he sulked, annoyed.

"Oh but sweetie pie, you have such beautiful hair," one girl argued. "Can we cut it?"

"No!" Mathieu yelled angrily. "Ow!" he exclaimed as a pin stuck him. "Let me go!" he ordered. "Daddy! Lucien!" he shrieked angrily.

"Oh stop being annoying," one of them ordered, dressing him up in a little jacket. He blinked blankly at it. It looked ridiculous! Even _he_ could see that!

ES

Just then there was the sound of someone clearing his throat. They all turned curiously only to see Lucien and the Thieves Guild leader staring in shock at the sight. "Done so soon?" one of the young women asked in dismay. She'd been having fun with their live doll.

"Just look at him, isn't he adorable?" another girl asked, picking Mathieu up.

"Um, yes?" the leader more asked than anything. Lucien, however, burst into laughter.

"It's not funny!" Mathieu screamed angrily at him; and he knew that it really must have been a sight to see because Lucien never laughed, _ever_. Unless it was while taking a sort of sick delight in a kill or method of dying.

"Oh stop being such a baby. I'm sure your mother does this on a regular basis," one of the young women nipped at Mathieu.

ES

Abruptly Lucien stopped laughing, catching his breath and looking immediately concerned, eyes falling on Mathieu. Mathieu looked suddenly pale, suddenly terrified, suddenly so many things that Lucien couldn't even _begin_ to identify them all. All at once Mathieu burst into tears. "What did I say?" the young woman concernedly asked, taken aback.

"Let go!" Mathieu shrieked in fury. He struggled violently loose and bolted before anyone could react.

"What on Earth…" the woman who had taken him here asked in concern.

Not bothering to answer, Lucien raced after the boy, calling, "Mathieu! Mathieu, wait! Mathieu!"

ES

Mathieu ran desperately, not even acknowledging the voice begging him to wait. He didn't care. He never wanted to hear or see the man following him _again_! Murderer, monster, how could you? How _could_ you?! He viciously tore off the ribbons and clothing the girls had dressed him up with. There were attackers who tried to catch him, take him, but he was too fast, he didn't wait, and those who didn't move were stabbed violently. Not killed, stabbed. He burst from the sewers and raced up to the city streets sobbing now, shaking his head in denial, desperately trying to flee from the voices speaking to him in his head. Where was she among the voices? Where was _she_?! He wanted _her_, not _them_, _her_! Mommy, mommy, come back mommy!

"Mathieu!" Lucien cried desperately out, making it to the main streets. Where was he? He looked desperately around. He saw nothing. "Mathieu," he gasped, pushing through the crowds. He couldn't recall ever feeling so desperate and afraid before. "Mathieu! Please, has anyone seen a little boy? Brown hair, curly," he pled to each civilian he passed, each one answering in the negative. "Little boy, this high?" he demanded from another. Another negative. Gods! Where was he? "Mathieu!" he called out.

All at once a guard grabbed his arm and turned him, saying, "Whoa, what's the trouble?"

Resisting the urge to kill, as was his nature if suddenly accosted, he replied, forcing himself to calm down, "My son, he ran off and disappeared. I can't find him." He would have loved to say he was only acting the part of concerned citizen, but this was far from an act. He was afraid, he was desperate, and he wanted the child back. "Please, no one can leave this city until I _do_!"

"Calm down, citizen. The gates will be shut, the guards given orders not to let any child out, or caravan. We'll find him," the guard assured.

Lucien hated pleading, hated expressing gratefulness, but before he could stop himself he'd gasped, "Thank you!"

ES

Mathieu sniffed, huddled in a back ally and burying his face in his knees, rocking back and forth. He held his dragon toy tightly, tears soaking the teddy. He wanted to go home. He wanted to see his mommy over the stove cooking, he wanted to play with her again, wanted her to read to him and sing him lullaby's… but he couldn't go home. He had no home anymore. The Dark Brotherhood wasn't a home, it wasn't! He wouldn't let it become a home, he wouldn't! And he wouldn't let Lachance become a father, never ever! Mommy would hate him then, she would be angry with him and she would stop appearing in his dreams and stop talking to him. He didn't need a father, he didn't want a father, he _hated_ fathers! He wanted his mother.

"What have we here?" a voice asked coldly. Mathieu looked sharply up with a gasp. There was an old woman standing there, hands on her hips. He sniffed and gazed helplessly up at her. After a moment her gaze softened and she asked, "Are you lost?" He sobbed and shook his head no, but he was telling her yes, he knew he was speaking, probably screaming. "Hush now, little one, hush," she soothed, bending down and picking him up. "Where are your parents?"

His eyes filled with tears and he sobbed, saying, "Mommy is dead, mommy is dead! He-he killed her, he killed her!"

Horror overtook the woman's features. A murder! The child had been witness to a murder! "Who, child, who killed her?" she asked fearfully.

"The-the dark man!" Mathieu replied through choking sobs.

"Who was the dark man?" she asked. Mathieu shook his head in denial, closing his eyes tightly. "Listen to me, little one, I am going to bring you to my orphanage. Tomorrow we will start looking for someone. Do you have family here, an uncle, cousin, or grandparent? What about your father? What is your name?"

"Mathieu," Mathieu replied. "I have no family," he answered.

"There, there, it's over now," the old woman soothed.

ES

Lucien leaned against a wall, exhausted. He'd searched this town top from bottom. Where was he? He looked around. It was dark, the streets almost empty. Where was the child? He couldn't have disappeared unless… Unless he had been taken… Lucien shuddered at the thought. He had to find that boy, and immortals curse him if he slept at all before finding him. He took a deep breath, calming down. The little one was somewhere here; he could feel it, sense it. He looked around at the buildings. "Sithis help me," he murmured aloud. "Night Mother, guide me to my child… _your_ child."

All at once his eyes fell on the orphanage and something told him to stop. He froze and gazed at it. Was it possible? Could it be? His eyes widened hopefully. Quickly he went to it and knocked, praying someone would answer him. "Come on, come on," he willed silently.

He heard shuffling and hope came to his eyes. The door opened to reveal an old woman. "We're closed," she said simply.

"I'm looking for a little boy. Light brown hair, long, slightly curled. He may have a ponytail. Please," Lucien fearfully declared.

The woman looked alarmed, then curious, then quickly hid all emotion, but her reaction had been enough. Mathieu was here! "We have many little boys," she replied. "Come back in the morning. There's been a murder in town, the mother of a young boy killed by a mysterious man. No one is to enter here. Jarl's orders. He fears the man is looking for the child now, fears the boy is here and the murderer will find him, but he isn't. I would know."

"Liar," Lucien growled to her. "Please, that boy is my son!"

ES

The woman looked uncertain. Finally, though, she drew a dagger and beckoned for Lucien to follow her in. Lucien immediately did so. Quietly she led this stranger into the room the children slept in. "One wrong move you die," she warned. Lucien didn't hear. He approached the beds noiselessly, quietly looking down on the faces of the little ones. All at once he froze by a bed, the child buried beneath the covers. Softly he reached down and drew the covers back. Relief filled him. It was Mathieu, clutching his dragon teddy and curled up. He nodded to the woman, beckoning her over.

The old woman came and looked down on the child. "This is him?" she asked.

"Yes," he replied in such relief the old woman almost let her guard down and handed the boy over then and there.

Quickly she forced the thought away and said, "You'll have to wait until morning, when he can back up your statement. He's exhausted, let him rest. I found him crying in a back alley."

Lucien inwardly cringed. He wasn't honestly sure if Mathieu would back up his claim or _not_. Not after the incident in the Thieves Guild. Finally, though, he nodded, complying with the terms. He sat down next to the bed and watched. Gently his hand went to a loose strand of hair and brushed the lock away from his eyes. "I'm sorry," he quietly said to the child. He knew the old woman wouldn't let him alone with the children. Sure enough she sat on a rocking chair and began to knit. He didn't honestly think she would stay awake long. He was right. Soon enough age caught up to her and she drifted off. He wouldn't take Mathieu now, though, let the child rest.

ES

Morning came. Lachance hadn't slept once through the night. He heard the old woman start awake and curse. She probably was afraid he had taken the child, or killed him. She calmed down, though, on seeing him still beside the boy's bed, holding his hand softly. "My lady," Lachance vaguely greeted.

Mathieu yawned and stirred, slowly waking. He felt someone holding his hand gently, tenderly. Mommy? Mommy, is that you? No, the hands weren't the hands of a woman. His eyes flickered open fearfully. He gazed up at the man sitting at his bedside. He caught his breath and paled. "L-Lucien," he breathed weakly.

"Shh," Lucien soothed, brushing a hand over the boy's hair lightly, calming him down. He sensed the boy's panic.

Mathieu began to sob again. Quickly the old woman was at the bedside, saying, "Hush, child, hush. Nothing is going to happen to you. This man says he is your father. Is that right?"

Mathieu sniffed, looking up in terror. No, it's not true, he killed my mother! Yes, yes it is true, he _is_! Wh-what was the answer? He didn't know anymore. He spotted a knife pressing at the back of Lucien's neck and sat up straight, fear in his eyes. The old woman held Lachance at knifepoint. Lachance must have known, though, so why wasn't he attacking or fighting back? "Answer her, child," Lachance softly ordered, and Mathieu began to shiver. He knew now what the story was. He could say no, say no and his mother's murderer would be dead; but not by _his_ hand. But to say yes… What if he never got another chance? And you, Lachance, why are you sitting so calmly, so sure of yourself, of my answer! I could betray you here and now, you wouldn't have a chance! But… but then who would protect me?

"Yes," Mathieu finally replied in a harsh whisper. The lady moved the knife from Lachance's neck and tucked it away.

"He wants to take you home, Mathieu," she said cautiously. Before she could continue, Mathieu had launched himself into Lucien's arms sobbing uncontrollably. The man held him tightly back, rocking him protectively.


	3. Journey Into Skyrim: Bleakfalls Barrow

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: Next chapter will take place back in Cyrodill, though I still know nothing about it.)

Journey Into Skyrim: Bleakfalls Barrow

They arrived in Riverwood silently. Neither had spoken since Riften. Lucien rode up to the inn door and leapt nimbly off. He reached up and took Mathieu from Shadowmere's back. Mathieu gazed woefully up at him then into the distance. His eyes became curious and he asked, "What's that?"

Lucien followed his gaze. A ruin. "Bleakfalls Barrow, an ancient Nord Crypt," he answered.

"What's a crypt?" Mathieu questioned.

"A place where the bodies of the honored deceased are laid to rest; or unrest, in its case," Lucien answered.

"Unrest?" Mathieu asked.

"The Draugr walk its halls, the dead who have not died. Walking skeletons, powerful, dangerous, deadly. Few who meet them ever return," he replied.

"Have you…" Mathieu began.

"No, and I hope never to," Lucien answered. Mathieu gazed up at it in awe and slight fear. Horror stories, just what the boy needed this late at night, Lucien wryly realized. Quickly he brought the boy into the inn and out of sight of the ruin.

ES

"And late at night they rise, and they creep down from their resting place to stalk the unaware," a man eerily declared, the fire's glow casting haunting shadows all around him. Lucien frowned coldly at him. How dare he tell such fables in the presence of a child? Mathieu listened, wide eyed. "Sometimes, they creep from the river and enter Riverwood to steal the heedless from their beds," the man finished.

"Enough from you," Lucien growled as Mathieu gasped in horrified fascination.

"Does it frighten you?" the man asked.

"Me, no, the child, yes," Lucien replied.

"I'm not scared!" Mathieu argued.

"Boo!" someone exclaimed from behind. Mathieu screamed and leapt into Lucien's arms. Lucien scowled at the other traveller, the story teller's brother, he believed, a bard.

"Enough of this. It's bath time, Mathieu, and then you are going straight to bed!" Lucien shot, putting Mathieu down and leading him up to the room, highly annoyed.

"Something isn't right. The ruin, it's acting strangely," he heard a woman quietly remark to the storyteller. The words caught his attention and Lucien glanced down. He saw the story teller looking suddenly uncertain, suddenly nervous and serious and afraid. His brother the bard drew a weapon and handed another to his sibling.

"We'll keep watch," the bard declared.

"Be careful," the woman pled.

ES

"Do you believe the Draugr come down the mountain?" Mathieu asked as Lucien poured water over his head. Mathieu floated a block of wood he was pretending was a boat in the warm tub while Lucien was washing his hair.

"Close your eyes," Lucien directed. Mathieu did so and leaned back, holding his breath too, though it wasn't really necessary. Lucien poured another bucket in order to wash the soap away.

"Well?" Mathieu asked when he could.

Lucien sighed in annoyance. When Bellamont's imagination was activated, there was no stopping it. He shook his head and answered, "I know they stalk the halls of that ruin, but I do not believe they come stalking down the mountain like some sort of boogeyman and steal children from their beds.

"But they _could_!" Mathieu argued, leaning on the edge of the tub with wide eyes.

"That's enough, Mathieu. I won't have you filling your head with these horror stories before bed," Lucien strictly ordered. Mathieu stuck out his tongue. Lucien sighed in frustration. "Come on now, wash your face." Lucien offered him the soapy cloth and Mathieu obeyed.

"I'm done," Mathieu said.

Lachance lifted him from the basin and wrapped him quickly in a warm blanket in order to dry him. "There you are. Now, what story do you want tonight?"

"I want the one about Sheogorath and Hircine!" Mathieu exclaimed excitedly.

Lucien smiled dryly and answered, "All right, Sheogorath and Hircine it is."

Lucien let the child get dressed. As he waited he went to the window and looked out. A frown came to his face. The wind was blowing, but something seemed off about the ruin… He shivered. He didn't like it. He didn't trust it. This aura that was washing over the town… Again he shivered. He pursed his lips. Hmm, perhaps Mathieu's wasn't the only imagination running wild. Lucien quickly shut the window and locked it tightly.

"I'm ready for my story," Mathieu said, clambering onto his bed. Lucien smiled and went to him, sitting as well. He searched for the book and selected it. He looked back and started. The boy was already fast asleep. He smiled affectionately then bent down, kissing his forehead.

"Goodnight, my little one," Lucien said. With that he quietly left.

ES

Mathieu screamed from the bedroom. Lucien shot up from his own bed in the next room, pale. He leapt from the bed and raced into Mathieu's room, exclaiming, "Mathieu!"

Mathieu was looking around in terror. On seeing Lucien, however, he burst into tears and reached out to him. Lucien hurried over and hugged the boy tightly. "Th-they were trying to take me!" Mathieu exclaimed.

"Who were?" Lucien asked.

"The draugr! They-they were creeping down the hill to steal me from my bed. They-they tried to come through my _window_! I could feel them, smell them, oh gods, daddy, don't let them get me!" Mathieu begged.

"Mathieu, calm down. There are no draugr here, I promise," Lucien vowed. Mathieu refused to be calmed until Lucien had checked the closet, under the bed, and out the window two times each. Finally he returned and said, "See, nothing."

ES

Mathieu guardedly looked around then remarked, "It was so real… I-I felt the bones… I-I smelled death."

"Hush, little one, you're safe now. I'm here," Lucien promised, letting the boy curl up into his side. "Do you want a story?"

Mathieu looked up hopefully and nodded. Lucien laid him gently back down and tucked him in the thick blanket. Mathieu curled into Lucien's side and held him tightly. Lucien smiled, protectively putting an arm around the child, cuddling him as Mathieu selected the story book Lucien hadn't had the opportunity to even start. He held his dragon close. Soothingly Lucien began to tell the tale of Sheogorath and Hircine, and the great competition between the two. Mathieu listened attentively, looking at the pictures as Lucien flipped through the book smiling at the child's enthralled expression. Just as the book ended there was a knocking at the door and Mathieu gasped. "Daddy…" he tightly whispered, curling tighter into his adoptive father's side.

"Come in," Lucien called. Mathieu curled up even closer, whimpering.

The door opened and the story teller and his brother entered in terror, saying, "W-we have a problem, a big one. All hands who can be spared must come immediately. The Draugr, they're…" He trailed off on noticing Mathieu looking terrified.

"Just a story. But we-we need, we need every able bodied man out there," the bard shakily pled, covering for his brother. Lucien looked as pale as _them_.

"I'm coming," he replied, sensing with a chill just what they were trying to tell him. This wasn't happening. It was a fairy tale, a story, a dream. This couldn't be happening. He looked down at Mathieu and kissed his forehead lightly, saying, "I'll be back soon."

"Daddy?" Mathieu meekly asked.

"Do you know what to do if… if someone comes through your win… tries to take you?" Lucien asked.

"Stab, stab, stab, stab, stab!" Mathieu proudly exclaimed, beaming and showing his knife. When Lucien didn't smile back, though, terror gripped his heart. "P-papa?" he questioned, tears of fear in his eyes. His voice cracked.

"Scream. Scream as loudly as you can," Lucien ordered.

"B-but you said only the weak scream," Mathieu replied.

"So I did…" Lucien mused. He gazed down at the boy and continued, "I lied." Mathieu shivered. "Scream, and know that you'll be hearing your share of screaming tonight," Lucien finished.

"Why?" Mathieu tightly asked. Lucien shook his head gravely then went to the window, double checking the locks. Quickly he drew the blinds and put out the light. He kissed the boy once more then hurried out with the two brothers, Blade of Woe drawn and glimmering.

ES

Mathieu, breathing heavily from fear, heard a creak and gasped, drawing the blankets up to his eyes. "H-hello?" he asked. It was just the sound of the building, he told himself. The wind moaned through the trees. Weeping… It sounded like the wind was weeping. He heard a scream in the distance and whimpered, burying himself beneath the blankets and shivering. There was growling, roaring noises from across the river, in the river, in the town! "D-daddy, come back," he pled.

He heard an owl hoot, a wolf howl in the distance, and tightly closed his eyes. Now there was more screaming, children, women, men. There were the sounds of fighting, of growls, of rattling bones. "No, no, no, no, no," he begged over and over. "Please no." He sensed what it was, what made those noises, roared, shouted some words in a foreign tongue he'd never heard before. "Help me," he begged. He heard scraping at the walls outside. Scraping, scraping, then suddenly he heard screaming from downstairs! Glass shattered and the screams grew louder, the growls coming closer! Oh Aedra, Daedra, help!

There was scraping at his window, growling. Shrieks echoed from downstairs, the sounds of fighting. All at once the window was broken open! Mathieu screeched and shot up. He dove to the floor and scrambled under the bed, shaking. A foot appeared, not human. Skeletal… It was a skeletal foot! He held his breath, trying not to move. He heard a roar and listened to something tear through the sheets and bed. He almost gasped as the point of an axe broke through the bed, hardly above him! He wanted to scream, but if he did this… this thing would find him! He was dreaming, he had to be! This didn't happen, this wasn't happening, please, no, no, no! The creature roared, shouted, and things went flying. The door was broken open. Mathieu looked sharply over. More skeletal feet! There was no more screaming, no more fighting. No, no, no.

Mathieu wanted to sob. Silently he buried his head in his arms, letting tears fall. He clutched his dagger tightly; so tightly it hurt. Lucien, Lucien, where are you? Help me Lucien! Help me! They growled. They'd heard something! But he hadn't moved! No… no, they'd sensed the presence of life in the room, not death, life! He could hardly function. The draugr creeping down the mountain side to steal him from his bed… Why him, why _him_? What was so special about _him_? Why were they all here? Was everyone else in town dead? He shivered at the thought.

ES

"Here," he swore he heard one growl.

"Child," another roared, he swore he heard them _talk_! He had to get out. All at once the bed was flipped over and Mathieu shot up, screaming as loudly as he could just like Lucien said to. At the same time, though, he was attacking the monsters after him with power unlike any he'd ever felt before!

"Help! Help me!" he shrieked desperately, trying to reach the door in a panic, dodging all blows from axes, swords, war-hammers, _everything_! He was almost there, though they were chasing him around the room. All at once, however, the most frightening of them all stepped in front, blocking his way, and shouted, sending the child flying back against the wall. Mathieu paled and shrieked as they all advanced on him together and grabbed him from the ground by his neck. He could smell death, smell the rotting corpses, yet here they were moving! "Help!" he screamed in a panic. Please, someone still be alive to answer him. Lucien, Lucien, Lucien!

He felt cold, almost blacking out from fear, but quickly regained his senses. They were taking him out the window. "Shadowmere!" he screamed in absolute terror. He heard the high pitched whinny. At least the horse was still alive, but what could a _horse_ do? The draugr roared in pain as the horse attacked them, but the most powerful one still held him, was taking him into the river! "Lucien, Lucien, help me, someone, help me!" he screeched. The biting cold of the river stole his breath away and he couldn't find his voice to scream anymore. He was still trying, still shrieking, but his voice was gone, throat raw from screaming to those who would never answer; all dead, all dead, they had to be!

All at once there was a war cry and the Draugr Death Overlord, as he'd dubbed it, was attacked from seemingly nowhere! Mathieu looked swiftly at his savior and his eyes widened. Lucien! Lucien was there slashing it viciously. It threw Mathieu violently into the rocks and turned its fury on the man. Mathieu lay still, crumpled at the base of the cliff. He tried to stay awake, tried to stagger up, but it was so hard. All at once he was up, dagger drawn. He attacked suddenly and furiously, body screaming in protest, but this thing had nearly taken him, nearly killed him, was killing Lucien now, had likely killed the nice people in the inn.

"Mathieu, run!" he heard Lucien order, but he didn't obey, mind focused on slashing his target. It turned on the boy knocking him from its back and shouted. Mathieu cried out in agony as he flew back against the rocks. "No!" he heard Lucien scream, then all at once the Draugr Death Overlord roared in pain and collapsed to the ground, dead; and Mathieu saw no more, world becoming black.

ES

Lucien sat by the child's bed looking worn, exhausted, afraid, and miserable. "Has he woken yet?" the bard questioned.

"No," Lucien replied in hardly a whisper. He looked back at the others in the room. The brothers had survived, by some miracle. The inn keeper and her family hadn't been so lucky, nor had any of the other guests, nor had almost a quarter or more of the town. He looked back at the boy. Four days. Four days and he hadn't even stirred. If not for the breathing, they would have assumed he had died. Four days… four days and he hadn't so much as closed his eyes to rest them.

"Why were they after him?" the storyteller quietly asked.

"After him?" Lucien asked suspiciously, looking sharply back. Until then he hadn't noticed, but yes… yes, they had all seemed to converge on the inn as they made it through the town. Yes, they had tried to take him alive; they hadn't killed him like the rest. He looked sharply at the boy, eyes wide with panic. They had been after _Mathieu_. Why? "I-I don't know…" he replied in harsh realization. He hadn't a clue…

"D-daddy…" Mathieu suddenly muttered.

"Mathieu," Lucien quickly replied, bending over the child and gently trying to coax him back to life. "Mathieu, it's all right. You're safe now. Come, child, wake up. Please… please wake up."

The boy's eyes meekly fluttered open. "They're gone?" he asked.

"They're gone," Lucien confirmed, voice cracking.

"Why were they after me?" he questioned.

"I don't know," Lucien answered, shivering at the thought. He drew the boy close to him, holding him tightly and softly singing a song to him. Quietly the brothers left the room. They had work to do in town anyway.

ES

They were leaving now, tired and alert. It was early morning. Lucien didn't dare stay another night here. Four had been too long. He couldn't shake the sense those things would be back again. He got onto Shadowmere and the storyteller handed the slumbering child up to him. Protectively Lucien concealed the boy in his robes, safe from sight. He nodded a thank you to the brothers. They nodded back. Quickly he rode away as fast as Shadowmere could go, and as far from Bleak Falls Barrow as humanly possible.

* * *

(A/N: The storybook mentioned is actually a book you can find in Skyrim. I don't remember the name, but it was a pretty good tale. Throwback to Mythology, really, but then so are all the Aedra and Daedra, and Sithis, and every other immortal mentioned, practically. Bear with me. Mathieu will soon be falling into bits of insanity.)


	4. The Necromancer's Prophecy

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: Thanks to a reviewer I finally have the Listener's name, so I've changed that around. I'm pretty sure Ungolim was male, but then I swear there was a female Listener too, before him. That could have been in Cicero's journal, however, before the Dragonborn becomes Listener.)

The Necromancer's Prophecy

Lucien playfully wrestled with the little boy. Mathieu was grinning, loving every minute of the challenge. He pounced on Lucien's back as if trying to pin him. Lucien played along. "I yield, I yield!" he exclaimed.

"No!" Mathieu refused. No mercy, good. The Dark Brotherhood couldn't be held back by such things as mercy. "I can beat anyone! I'm even beating _you_ Lachance!"

Lucien smirked. The boy was getting overly confident now, and cocky. Time to fix that. He suddenly rolled, pinning Mathieu. Mathieu looked startled then frowned, unimpressed and angry now. "Can you?" Lucien taunted.

"Let me up!" Mathieu furiously yelled at him. Lucien smirked and did so. Mathieu stuck out his tongue. Usually Lucien would deal with it, but there was no reason to right now. They were playing, after all.

ES

"Speaker!" a voice called out. Lucien turned. Mathieu looked over too. The little one's eyes narrowed. Arquen. He didn't like her. She was cold to him and always watched him funny. Lucien rose, ruffling Mathieu's hair, and went to his dark sister. Mathieu went back to playing.

"Arquen," Lucien greeted, nodding in acknowledgement and smiling, still trying to catch his breath from the battle.

"You seem to be having fun," she remarked.

He mysteriously smirked. "It concerns you?" he asked.

"I understand children must play. It is how they learn. But there is a time for play and a time for work," Arquen answered.

"Of course, but that is not all that is troubling you, sister. Tell me, what truly has you concerned?" he pressed.

Arquen sighed and looked over at Mathieu. "You are getting awfully attached to that child, aren't you?" Lucien shot a cautious glare at her, silently prompting her to go on. "Frankly, there are those of us who…"

"Do not approve?" Lucien icily challenged.

"Lucien, Speaker, I would not go that far… exactly. We just think you should be more… careful," she answered.

"Of a child?" he incredulously asked.

"Lachance, children grow up. Children get rebellious. And frankly, I do not trust that boy, or rather the youth he will become. It's just a feeling. Please, don't look at me as if you want to strike me, but think about it. That boy has already killed one father. What's to stop him from doing so again?" she asked.

"I will consider your words, milady. Are we done?" Lachance coldly asked.

"Yes, and Lucien, for your own sake I hope you _do_," she replied. Without another word she walked away.

Lucien turned to look over at Mathieu. The boy was watching, eyes dark and cold. Such a gaze from a child… He shook his head and looked down. It was nothing, just his imagination… wasn't it? He looked back. The boy was chasing butterflies now. Lucien smiled softly. He forced the worry to the back of his mind and sat to watch. "Five minutes, Mathieu, then we must get back to business!" he called out.

Mathieu looked over then called, "Okay!" He went back to climbing trees, having gotten bored of the butterflies.

ES

"Lucien has trained you well, child. The contract never saw it coming," Banus praised. Unlike Arquen, he had no real qualms about this young one. Worry for the boy himself, maybe, after all he was young, and no child should have become a murderer so early; yet he seemed so enthusiastic.

"I could do it all by myself," Mathieu insisted.

"In time, Bellamont. In time you will strike out on your own," Banus assured.

"I've always been alone," Mathieu bitterly muttered.

"What was that?" Banus asked.

"Nothing," Mathieu innocently answered. "Why didn't Lucien bring me on _his_ contract?"

Banus answered simply, "It was far too dangerous for a child your age. Lachance shouldn't have gone alone either. Hence the reason Arquen went after him."

"Oh. So where _now_?" Mathieu wondered.

"To a place where the dead lie," Banus said. Mathieu froze, catching his breath and paling. "Mathieu?" Banus asked, looking back.

"Dead?" Mathieu harshly whispered. Banus, at first confused, suddenly remembered what Lucien had told them about the draugr incident in Skyrim.

"Oh… If you don't feel…" Banus began.

"I can do it," Mathieu declared, pride injured. Banus was about to argue, but Mathieu's eyes were set stubbornly. Banus smiled and patted his head, saying, "Good lad. We'll get out as soon as possible."

"I can stay," Mathieu insisted.

"Child, you couldn't stay five minutes after our _last_ kill," Banus said. "But if you think you can handle it… We'll see." Mathieu smiled proudly. Banus was a pushover. Lucien wouldn't have been so easy to convince. Whether or not Lucien would be right to prevent it was lost on the boy, an action that could very well cost him.

ES

Mathieu looked in horror up at the dark tomb and swallowed. He could swear he heard growling, but Banus didn't look afraid. "Do you hear that?" Mathieu asked fearfully.

"The moans? Yes. Do not worry, child, we'll be fine," Banus assured. Mathieu followed closely behind as Banus headed inside.

"What contract would hide _here_?" Mathieu demanded.

"A necromancer whom the townsfolk want dealt with," Banus answered.

"Necromancer? Doesn't that mean he… he raises the dead?" Mathieu asked.

"Not raises. Thralls them," Banus corrected. "Raises implies bringing them back to life. They are still dead." The man cut down a skeleton that had been lurking in the dark. Mathieu gasped. He hadn't even _seen_ it! He ran when the skull rolled to his feet and looked up at him. He clung onto Banus' robe and followed closely. "How about you stay guard right here, Mathieu? I'll go on ahead," Banus suggested, not wanting the child to follow. He sensed full well the boy had developed a phobia since the Skyrim incident.

"No. I can do this," Mathieu stated firmly, drawing his dagger. He wasn't about to let fear rule him. He wasn't supposed to anyway. Besides, daddy… Lucien… always said to face your fears. Of course Lucien had probably meant within reason, as in don't get yourself killed facing them, but still. He spotted a skeleton and paled, though, freezing in place. Oh come on now, he could take this thing! Banus got one in one _hit_! Banus hadn't seen. The skeleton was heading towards Mathieu. Banus didn't know he wasn't there. Mathieu tried to scream but no sound came. The skeleton suddenly lunged, bones clattering, and Mathieu shrieked. He defended himself desperately, bringing it down in two hits, but he was still shaking when Banus reached him.

"Mathieu, I told you to stay near!" Banus shot angrily, the smile that rarely ever left his face gone a moment.

"I-I froze," Mathiue defended.

"That's it, you're staying here. I can't have you freezing in the midst of battle because of the undead!" Banus shot.

"But I…" Mathieu began.

"No!" Banus ordered.

"I'm not a baby!" Mathieu yelled.

"You're no more than a child either!" Banus shot.

"Banus please, I won't freeze anymore, I promise," Mathieu begged, desperate to prove himself.

"No. Stay here," Banus stated. With that he left Mathieu all alone. Mathieu looked sadly down. Oh he had some damage control to do, but _how_?

ES

Banus walked further into the tomb, sneaking around all the corpses. In time, he supposed, even his sneak wouldn't be enough. The necromancer was near. Bodies had been springing to life when they couldn't have possibly known he was here. Something or someone was watching him very carefully. He put down the last of the recent trio, panting. Oh this was getting ridiculous, and dangerous. He half hoped Arquen had sent another after _him_ as _well_. And what of Mathieu? He certainly hoped the boy was all right, but he'd left Bellamont alone in a large chamber filled with dead bodies; any of which could spring alive at any given moment if this Necromancer so wished it.

He approached a solid door cautiously, weapon drawn. Sneaking up to it he gingerly opened it and peered inside. It was empty. There were a few coffins here and there, but otherwise empty. He slunk inside, peering around for the contract. Just then he saw the man. He just appeared right there in the front of the room! Banus silently rolled into the shadows, hoping the man hadn't seen him. "Assassins. How typical," the man said aloud, and Banus was really hoping he wasn't addressing _him_. "But the child… _That_ was a shocker. A pity he couldn't fight well enough." Banus' eyes widened. Mathieu! Had something happened to the boy? Oh if it had Lucien would have his head. "You can come out now. I know you're there," the Necromancer prompted.

Banus shivered. The gig was up. He rose and walked out from behind the pillar, demanding, "What have you done with the boy?"

"Me? Nothing. My minions, though, are another story. Let's just say, even if you win you've lost. By now that child has been ripped to shreds and scattered over the chamber you left him in," the necromancer replied.

"No…" Banus breathed, paling. The man was lying, he _had_ to be! "I don't believe you!" he shot viciously. Lucien would have probably been acting completely calm, giving the necromancer no discernible reaction even if inside he were dying; but he wasn't Lucien. He wasn't quite as good at hiding things. He was giving this necromancer everything he wanted to see, and even if the boy was alive, he'd still lost some form of a battle.

"Don't worry. You'll join him soon," the necromancer said.

All at once tombs sprang open and out stumbled the creatures the enemy had summoned. They were surrounding him on all sides. Banus gasped. There had to be _fifteen_! He couldn't _hope_ to fight through them all. But he would. He would! For the Night Mother! Scowling he dropped into a fighting stance and waited for them to start attacking.

ES

Lucien frowned as he wiped his blade. Arquen looked apologetically at him. "Lucien, you can't deny this was a dangerous mission. I only had your safety in mind," she said, cleaning her own.

"I appreciate your concern sister, I truly do, but I would like some forewarning if you are going to send a tail after me, or do it yourself," Lucien replied. "So where has Mathieu gone?"

"With Banus on a contract," Arquen answered.

"Good. It is good for him to get out on contracts with others besides me," Lucien remarked.

"Yes. They've gone after a necromancer," Arquen said. Lucien froze, eyes widening in shock. "Lucien?" she asked.

"Forgive me, Arquen. I don't think I heard you right," he icily said, turning back to her with eyes glittering.

"Oh yes, the draugr incident. Lucien, he will be fine. The child needs to face his fears one day. You've told him that often," Arquen reasoned, smiling at Lucien in amusement.

"Just the same I don't need him freezing up in a tomb. And against a _necromancer_? Arquen, Banus may not be able to handle it on his own. If he needs to protect Mathieu as well…" Lucien began.

"You're concerned for the boy. Very well. If you insist we will go after them," Arquen said, sighing in annoyance.

"Never mind. I trust Banus. He is skilled, there is no doubt," Lucien responded.

"Not skilled enough," Ungolim said from behind.

ES

The two turned in surprise. "Listener? What do you mean?" Lucien questioned darkly.

"Banus is in peril," Ungolim answered. "The Night Mother has spoken. We must go after him immediately."

"Did she speak to the boy?" Arquen concernedly asked. Despite her qualms she _did_ like Mathieu. Very _much_ so.

"Mathieu is with him?" Ungolim asked, now alarmed. "Arquen, that boy won't last a _minute_ in that tomb! Not if Banus has caught up to the Necromancer. The man is more dangerous than we were led to believe!"

"What?!" Lucien sharply demanded.

Arquen cursed then said, "Come quickly. We must find our brothers!" Immediately the three raced towards the tomb.

ES

Mathieu looked around the chamber nervously. Banus had been gone a while, and there were the sounds of bones again, like the creatures were just waiting to awaken. Perhaps now was a good time to tail the man, as he'd planned. Silently he slipped towards the door Banus had gone through. Shutting it behind him he followed the footprints. Back in the main room the undead woke up roaring, rising and going towards where he had just been. On seeing their target was no longer there, they roared in fury and began to pursue.

Mathieu, oblivious to the danger he was in, stealthily slipped through the catacombs. It was getting more difficult to track the footprints. For a moment Mathieu was terrified he'd lost them and gotten lost in the tomb. Not panicking, however, he scoured the area until he saw a sign of Banus. Quickly he picked up the trail again, never more glad for Lucien's teaching. Soon there was a door right ahead and he paused. It looked bigger than the others. It must be the main room. He swallowed and looked around cautiously. He heard moaning and roaring, then fighting. He gasped. Banus was being attacked! Maybe he should wait. Banus could take it. Even if he couldn't, well, that was one less Dark Brother on his list.

Just then he heard a roar and turned, gasping. There, right behind him, stood one of the undead! He screamed in horror. It ran at him. He dodged passed it, heading back for the main chamber. The moment he turned the corner, though, he saw a group more and paled! No… Not again. He screamed again and tried to race away, clambering up another path. Oh he hoped he didn't get lost. Heck, he hoped it didn't end in a dead end. Unfortunately, he wasn't that lucky. He paled on seeing a wall then looked back. They were following. He ducked down, hoping they'd miss him. There was a little hole just up above. Quickly he climbed to it. No full grown person would fit, but he was just a boy.

Swiftly he slipped inside and stayed quiet, holding his breath. The things were right there. If this creature turned now, he would see Mathieu. Mathieu was just at eye level. Mathieu hid himself in the cloak and peered out. If the thing turned maybe it would think he was just a rock. The thing turned, sure as night followed day. Mathieu held his breath. It was trying to deduce what he was, rock or human. Mathieu stayed still as a statue. If he chose human, all he'd have to do was jab his sword inside the hole and he would be dead. All at once, though, they growled and turned. There was another presence, and they were after it. Could it be?

ES

Lucien, Arquen, and Ungolim darted through the cavern, hardly phased by the things springing to life around them. They could sneak, but then they might be too late. It was better to run and rely on their skills. "He can't be much further," the Listener mused.

"There are too few bodies here. Something is wrong," Arquen nervously declared.

Lucien rounded a corner, in the lead, and slid to a stop, gasping. The other two slammed into him, nearly knocking him down, but quickly they recovered and looked ahead. Soon they were gaping as well. "There they are," Lucien declared as suddenly ten figures turned to face them. There was a long, tense pause, then suddenly they all lunged! "Hah! There is no pain in the Void!" Lucien declared, charging headlong into the fray. In seconds the other two followed him. Swiftly they cut through the thralls, murder in their eyes.

They turned the corner, thinking that was where Banus was. All they saw was a dead end, though. Cutting down the last one they paused to catch their breath. Lucien turned and said. "If Banus isn't here, then what were they after?"

"Lucien!" Ungolim cried, pointing. Lucien whirled only to face one of the things! He gasped. There was no way he would move in time to dodge the battle axe heading for his throat. All at once a little figure leapt out of the hole and stabbed the thing with a battle cry. It roared in pain, already weakened, and collapsed, dead. Lucien gaped in shock.

"Mathieu!" he exclaimed, recovering. Immediately he scooped the boy up, holding him tightly. "By Sithis, I thought I'd lost you," he breathed.

"You came," Mathieu said gratefully, cuddling close.

"Where is Banus?" Arquen asked.

"I'll show you! Hurry, he's fighting something!" Mathieu exclaimed, leaping from Lucien's arms and darting away. Quickly the three followed him. Mathieu led them to the door and threw it open fearlessly. "Let Banus go!" he ordered angrily as the other three burst in after him.

ES

Banus looked sharply over, hope in his eyes. "Mathieu, you're alive! And you've brought Arquen, Lucien, and Ungolim!" he exclaimed. Dodging a blow, almost too tired to go on, he added, "Thank Sithis. Not a moment too soon."

"What? No!" the necromancer growled, glaring at the little boy. Immediately the other three adults raced in, attacking the undead. Banus turned and ran at the Necromancer. No more playing. This man would die. Banus pounced and began tearing into him viciously. The man couldn't hope to hold up. The other three adults gathered at the door behind Mathieu, and finally Banus ran the necromancer through.

The man dropped to the ground, panting for his last breaths. "Die slowly," Banus growled. He had no intentions of finishing him off quickly.

"Boy… child… send child over…" the necromancer panted.

"I don't think so," Banus answered, but Mathieu, curious, approached. Lucien reached out to grab him back, but Arquen and Ungolim put their hands on his shoulders, shaking their heads. There was nothing the dying man could do to the little boy anymore. Lucien pulled free, accepting the correction. Nonetheless he followed behind cautiously, just in case.

Mathieu came up to him and knelt, glaring coldly at him. The man began to darkly laugh. Finally he hissed, "Mathieu Bellamont." Mathieu paled.

"How did you know my name?" he questioned quickly.

The man, still evilly chuckling, answered, "Your father told me." Mathieu blanched and nearly screamed, but no sound came out.

ES

Lucien paled and pulled Mathieu back, saying, "Enough of this. Mathieu, we're going."

"You can hear him, can't you?" the necromancer muttered. "You hear daddy taunting you, laughing at you." Mathieu was shivering in terror. "You hear mommy… Oh you'll hear mommy."

"Liar, liar, liar! Mommy is dead, she's dead!" Mathieu shrieked in fury, lunging with his dagger. Viciously he pounced, stabbing the man over and over so violently the four adult assassins could only watch in horror. Not even Lucien dared approach.

"You'll hear mommy! Your fate is sealed! You are doomed, boy, doomed," the man cryptically muttered. He died in seconds, Mathieu gazing down at him in fury.

No horror, only fury. Fury turned to horror, though, when a sudden breeze flowed through the tomb alerting all five assassins, and a voice seemed to whisper to him, "Mathieu…"

"W-what was that? Did you hear that?" he demanded desperately, eyes wide and wild as he turned to the four adults. They gazed in shock at the boy's appearance. So scared, so unstable…

"Hear what, Mathieu?" Lucien softly questioned, trying to pacify him.

"Th-the voice," Mathieu answered.

"Child, there was no voice. The Necromancer is playing games with you. The moment we leave this tomb, you'll be fine," Arquen assured, now concerned.

Mathieu froze, catching up with himself. Finally he replaced the dagger and looked down, saying, "Yes ma'am." The assassins nodded and turned to leave. He had heard the voice. He knew he had… He knew it… It was his mother. He sniffed and looked forlornly up after them. They weren't even waiting. What family never waited? Just then, though, there was a hand on his shoulder. He looked quickly up. Lucien was there. Lucien would _always_ be there, not like everyone else who left him and hated him. Lucien would always be there, right? Until he died… Mathieu paled at the thought and quickly shook it off.

"Come, child, come," he soothed, taking Mathieu's hand. Mathieu sniffed and took it, following Lucien out; and after he suddenly collapsed in tears, Lucien was carrying him fearfully.


	5. Nightmare

**Child Of Darkness**

Nightmare

Ocheeva watched him nervously. "Is he going to be all right?" she wondered.

"I don't know," Lucien answered, watching the boy who was reading, engrossed in whatever book it was he'd found. Silently Lucien shut the door.

"Perhaps I was wrong to doubt him," Arquen mused. "He has proven himself to be nothing but a loyal Brother. He saved Banus' life. We never would have found him if not for Mathieu. He saved _your_ life, Lucien." Lucien said nothing, still looking ponderously at the door. He wanted to agree. Oh how he wanted to agree… But the look the child had given, the expression in his eyes…

"I know," Lucien finally answered.

"The way you are worrying one would think he is _yours_," Ocheeva said, smiling at Lucien understandingly.

"That child _is_ mine," Lucien stated quite simply. "The man who conceived him did not deserve him… That child is mine. He is my son," he repeated vehemently, scowling at the memory.

"And you are a good father, Lachance" Vincent remarked, affectionately smiling at his friend.

"Hmm," Lucien mused. He was certainly trying, but there was something that just wasn't right here. He sighed and shook his head. He wouldn't think on it now. Wordlessly he turned and walked off.

ES

Lucien watched the little one playing with some dolls he had crafted out of seaweed. Telaendril had taught him how to do it. Normally watching the boy at play would have brought a smile to his lips, but this… It was play, but the subject matter was disturbing, to say the least. It worried him. There were eight dolls in all. One was a child, he assumed Mathieu had crafted it after himself. Then there were seven adults, three woman, four men. Of these, three were lain to the side. The other four, however, appeared to be the main adult cast, and their actions were… disconcerting was an understatement.

It started with three, the child, a man, and a woman. The man and the woman appeared to be arguing with each other, and the man struck the woman while the child watched on, curled into a ball. The man continued to beat the woman, then finally the woman fled, taking the child. The woman and child were in a different rock house now. They were happy. The man, though, was angry, and Mathieu made the man make a praying motion.

Lucien swallowed dryly. This scene… It looked all too familiar. He just wished he remembered. Something inside told him that he _did_, very clearly, but he refused to acknowledge that sense. The second man came and the two males seemed to be speaking. Then the second man left. The second man went to the small house and watched the mommy and baby playing, then left. After a moment he returned, while they were inside, and Lucien tasted blood, realizing he'd been chewing his lip. The second man attacked the woman and Mathieu pulled the woman's head off and lay it on the ground. The second man spotted the hiding child and looked ready to attack, but then he left.

The child ran to his mommy crying, then the first man came back. The first man came back and began to hurt the child. Lucien cringed inwardly. He felt bile in his throat when the first man threw the child down and climbed on top of him. Mathieu was making thrusting motions with the doll, and Lucien felt ill. He knew full well what those thrusting motions must be. Seconds later the three adult dolls that had been laid to the side joined in the torment. Enough of this. He wouldn't watch it any longer.

ES

"Mathieu!" he called, slightly sharper than intended. Mathieu looked over curiously, a look of innocence in his eyes. Innocence? How could there be innocence when so many memories weighed on the little one's mind? "Come here a moment," he called.

Mathieu rose and went to Lucien, wondering what was wrong. "What?" he asked curiously, reaching the man and crawling onto his lap, blinking confusedly up at him.

Lucien paused. He really didn't know what to say from there. He'd just wanted the child away from the dolls he'd crafted. "Have you been practicing your reading and writing?" he asked finally.

Mathieu's eyes lit up and he instantly replied, "Yeah!"

Lucien smiled. "Show me," he said, offering a book to the child.

Mathieu beamed and opened it up. He instantly began to scribble some words, suddenly appearing distant. All at once he stopped and shifted nervously. After a moment he showed Lucien. Lucien smiled and took it. His smile fell, though, and he paled. What was _this_? These weren't the words of a child… In disbelief and horror he read the entry:

_Mommy, I so afraid. I miss you mommy. I just want you to kiss me again…_

Beneath the entry another one was written, and Lucien's eyes widened in uncertainty and fear:

_Father prayed and guess who came? The hooded man in Sithis' name. Who left but then he came once more, to pass through window, wall, and door. I lie in fear my mouth agape as wicked blade did cleave your nape; for I was watching 'neath the bed to see the falling of your head. And…_

The boy had trailed off there for some reason. Lucien didn't think on it. He had more pressing questions on his mind. Like what it was all about.

ES

"Mathieu, what… what does this mean?" Lucien finally asked after a long moment.

Mathieu read over it then looked confused. Suddenly he blanched and gasped, tearing it from Lucien's hands and ripping it up. He looked guiltily up at the man, as if hiding something, and replied, "I don't know. What does _what_ mean?"

Lucien blinked at him. Something was very wrong here, but the boy wouldn't open up. After a moment he sighed, closing his eyes. "Is there something you need to talk about?" Lucien asked.

"I can read, daddy!" Mathieu exclaimed, obviously trying to change the subject. He reached for a book called _Chance's Folly_ and read:

"By the time she was sixteen, Minevah Lolos had been an unwelcome guest in every shop and manor in Balmora…" Mathieu began. Lucien shook his head gravely but allowed the change… For now. But they weren't done with this yet. He listened proudly as the boy went through the book. Often he would have to help the little one with a word or a passage, but the boy was doing very well for one so young. Finally Mathieu finished.

"What does this story teach us, Mathieu? Of course it teaches us many things, but what did _you_ find?" Lucien asked.

"Don't be headstrong or you'll be killed!" Mathieu exclaimed.

"And…" Lucien pressed, hoping the boy would grasp a little more than that.

"Um, don't let emotions or greed rule you because you'll pay the price; and never underestimate your opponent, or partner," Mathieu replied. He got the lesson on emotions Lucien was trying to teach him, for he knew he always let emotions rule him when he was tired. He wouldn't give Lucien the satisfaction of knowing he'd caught on. Lucien was smiling as if he already knew, though. Mathieu pretended that wasn't the case.

He didn't like how Lucien seemed to know his every move. It was like he could read his mind. Sometimes he would check for eyes on the back of Lucien's head, but he never found them, and when Lucien asked he told him what he was trying to find. Lachance just chuckled. They must be there _somewhere_, they _must_. Lucien _always_ caught him doing things he wasn't supposed to be doing, like taking cookies or treats from the Brotherhood, or drawing faces on Gogron's face as he slept. In his defense, though, he liked outsmarting and outrunning the orc. Gogron made it too easy and he got really, really mad and he tried to kill him, and Mathieu just knew that if he was ever caught Gogron would make him suffer.

But then Lucien always stopped Gogron from hurting him before Mathieu was done having fun with the orc. Lucien was a spoilsport all the time. Then again, one time Lucien had only barely made it in time to save his life. Gogron had been ready to bash his head in when he realized that he had lipstick and blush and eyeliner and white powder on. Antoinette saw Gogron and she hadn't been happy when she learned it had been Mathieu who had stolen her makeup either. Lucien had to almost fight them both off, weapons and all. Mathieu frowned. He'd been sentenced to his room for _weeks_ after that.

"Very good," Lucien complimented. "Come. Let's practice your sneaking and fighting skills." Mathieu grinned and took Lucien's hand, following him back.

ES

As he slept Mathieu shifted, shivering. "No, no, no. Mommy!" he called out in sleep, tossing and turning in his bed. He was crying too. "Leave me alone!" he screamed loudly. He began to sob as he shrieked, "Lucien! Daddy, don't leave me!" All at once he shot up, wide awake and panting and gasping. He was shaking and he felt cold and afraid and dizzy and sick. He burst into tears and grabbed his dragon teddy. Fearfully he slipped out of bed and went out of his room.

He was at Lucien's door and hesitating when suddenly J'Ghasta appeared, asking, "Mathieu? What are you doing out of bed, small one?"

Mathieu gasped and looked back. With J'Ghasta stood Arquen, Vincent, Shaleez, and Banus. He was glad it was dark or they'd see how red his eyes were, and they'd see the tears. He cuddled his teddy close and answered, "I had a bad dream. I wanna sleep with daddy… I mean Lucien."

"Child, you are too _old_ now to sleep in Lucien's bed," Arquen declared softly.

"Come now Arquen, I shared my parents' bed until I was thirteen," Vincent said.

"I still shared with my mother at twenty, considering father had fallen asleep in mine," Shaleez added.

"In time he will outgrow it, Arquen, but he is still young," Banus argued. "Wait, where _is_ the boy?"

They looked around curiously. "He must have gone back to his bed," Arquen said with a sigh. "I suppose I will have to apologize tomorrow. Goodnight all." Quickly the group dispersed.

Mathieu lay in his bed, frightened as he looked around. He didn't want to sleep, he _wouldn't_. The nightmare would come back. He sniffed and buried his little face in the pillow, shaking. He didn't want the nightmare to come back. He just wanted to forget. No… no, he couldn't forget. He would _never_ forget! He hated the Brotherhood, he _hated_ it! And he hated the Night Mother and Sithis and the rules and _everything_! But the nightmare… No, no, he wanted to forget.

ES

Lucien slept soundly. At least until his sharp ears picked out a noise. Silently he willed himself to wake up. His hand automatically went to the Blade of Woe. His eyes flickered open and he looked towards the light. "Daddy?" a tired and scared little voice asked.

Lucien relaxed and answered, slightly perturbed, "Mathieu, what is it?"

The boy cautiously approached. "Am I too old to sleep with you now? Arquen says I am, but I'm scared. I had a bad dream and I feel sick and… I don't _feel_ too old. _Am_ I?"

Lucien smirked and chuckled affectionately. He pulled back the blankets. Mathieu climbed onto the bed and cuddled close. "In time you will outgrow it. Arquen has her own beliefs, my son. They do not have to be yours. Now, tell me about the nightmare."

Half asleep already, Mathieu answered, "I was playing a game with mommy. I hid under the bed. Then there was screaming and fighting and… and then her head fell on the ground; and the man who killed her was you, and you heard me crying and came back… but you didn't kill me."

Lucien's body stiffened. He gazed down in horror at the child who was curled into his side. His mind was whirling. The dolls, the child beneath the bed… the mother he'd killed. He couldn't deny what he knew to be so. Not anymore. It had been the reason Mathieu had seemed so familiar… The little boy cowering under the bed…

All at once all of Arquen's fears made themselves known to him. He found himself shivering. He made himself stop. Did the child remember? Did the child hold a grudge? He tried to read Bellamont, but all he could see was the little boy curling close to him for protection. So trusting, so vulnerable… Part of him screamed the child was a threat, to not let him leave this room alive… But he couldn't… He _wouldn't_. Mathieu was only a boy… He would not murder a child in cold blood… _Would_ he?

ES

"Then what?" Lucien pressed.

"Then it was you and me only, in a dark room, and mommy's voice was screaming in my head. Then she was talking to me and she… she said she was angry with me, hated me, because you weren't dead. She begged me in tears to kill you and I saw her standing behind you, but it wasn't mommy but it was. It was a ghost! She kept whispering. 'Avenge your mother. Avenge me my son. Kill him, kill him, kill him, kill him!' But I couldn't anymore because you were my daddy and I loved you… But the Night Mother… the Night Mother was calling me her child. She was saying over mommy's voice, 'Loyalty, loyalty, loyalty, loyalty.' Then there was more screaming and the Night Mother kept on, saying, 'Your loyalty is only to me now, child of darkness. Loyalty only to me. Your mother is nothing anymore. You are mine.' But I'm not hers and I'm not Sithis', I'm _not_! She didn't give birth to me. She _didn't_!"

Lucien listened in growing terror and fear. What was he hearing? He couldn't be hearing this. Not any of it. "Mathieu, enough," he pled now, but it was too late.

Mathieu continued, saying, "And mommy was saying, 'Let your spirit hate her. Hate her, my son, for she has taken your life from you. Sithis has robbed you of all you knew and loved. Repay the favor, my child, and regain my love.' And then I was attacking and you were fighting back, shocked. And then you were dead and both voices left me forever… and I was all alone again because you were dead and you were the only one who ever loved me since you killed mama. And I didn't want you dead. I wanted you alive! I'd wanted you to kill _me_. And I was crying and Sithis was laughing with the Night Mother, and mommy and daddy were smiling coldly because I was finished… Then I woke up."

ES

Lucien gazed at the boy in horror, mouth dropped. He was aware he was shaking again. This time he wasn't sure he could stop himself. "No…" he whispered, for now he knew something was wrong with the boy. Something wasn't as it should be. It frightened him more than anything ever had in his _life_. It frightened him because he didn't know what was wrong, and he would give anything to know so that he could help him and make the boy feel safe and protected… He couldn't, though, he couldn't.

"Do you hate me now Lucien? Are you scared of me?" Mathieu asked, and the tone was so heartbreakingly pitiful and frightened and weak that _Lucien_ nearly burst into tears. But it was so dark… Almost a challenge, almost a threat, almost a taunt. "Am I different?" Mathieu asked fearfully, and Lachance heard it now, the hatred and resentment and coldness that had for so long been masked by the child's foremost emotions… The madness… Complete insanity that grew in the little one. Oh how he wanted to draw the boy near and vow nothing would ever happen to him, that darkness would never take him because he would die before he let it… But he couldn't… He knew he couldn't. He'd never made a promise to the boy he couldn't keep, and he wouldn't start _now_, as much as he wanted to.

"Oh gods," Lucien said, sitting up and looking down at Mathieu in terror now. Terror? But Bellamont was only a child. A child could not go insane… Then why was everything telling him to slaughter the boy here and now? He was aware his blade was drawn and ready, but no… Tears were in his eyes as he gazed at the now sleeping young one. "What do you plan?" he softly asked, hoping Mathieu would semi-awaken. No response. "What is your plan?" Lucien questioned miserably a second time, because a confession would seal the boy's fate, no matter how he felt about it. No response, and he felt so relieved yet so hollow. He put the blade away. He couldn't fathom what the child's thoughts could be or where the boy would have recorded them.

No… no… It was all in his mind. It _had_ to be. The child was so innocent… But once upon a time so was _he_. He knew, then, that darkness was looming. He knew then, that it could all end here and now with this child's death… But he couldn't… Some force was holding him back, and he didn't know if it was his own love for the boy or some immortal intervention. He bent and kissed the little child softly, lovingly. "Goodnight, my little one. I love you," he gently declared.

(A/N: Two words: Mordred's Lullaby. It's a song by Heather Dale and is pretty creepy, actually. Easily found on YouTube. And really, the Oblivion Dark Brotherhood quest line reminds me very much of Arthurian Legend. Namely Mordred's betrayal of Arthur and the Knights at Morgan Le Fay's prompting.)


	6. Runaway

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: It's official. This is the darkest story I can recall ever writing, despite the scenes I throw in to try and break the glum feel.)

Runaway

_**Entry 1: **It's all right, mother. It's almost over. I'm close. So very close. How long have we struggled? How long have we waited? Too long, I know. But it's almost over. I promise._

ES

"For _me_?!" Mathieu exclaimed in delight, grinning down at the present in his lap. "Lucien, thank you!" He leapt on the man holding him tightly. Lucien held him back, but he seemed distracted. Lucien was distracted a lot lately, Mathieu realized. He sat back down and picked up the beautiful book. It was a diary, he knew. He could write _anything_ in here! Lucien had even given him an eagle feather quill as a pen!

He grinned up at Lucien again, but Lucien looked distant. He was frowning. Mathieu's grin fell. "Lucien, what's wrong?" he asked. Lucien had been really detached lately. He'd seemed quiet when they played, hardly doing much. Sometimes he'd even sharply ordered Mathieu to stop when Mathieu tried to roughhouse with him. Then he left without an explanation and made little Mathieu feel all sad.

Lucien wasn't talking much to anyone either, only Vicente and Arquen. Ungolim seemed to know as well. Ungolim was avoiding him too, and Mathieu didn't know _why_. Lucien seemed not to be spending as much time with him. That made him saddest of all. What was wrong? Didn't Lucien love him anymore? Lucien seemed to come back down to Earth and he looked at the child blankly. He caught on to the fears quickly enough. After a moment he relaxed and forced a smile, saying, "It's nothing."

"Why are you avoiding me? Why don't you talk to me anymore?" Mathieu asked, looking sadly down.

"Mathieu, I know I've been in another world, recently, but it has nothing to do with you. I promise. It just… it upsets me," he assured, putting his hands gently on the boy's shoulders.

"Why?" Mathieu asked.

Lucien was quiet. Finally he shook his head and answered, "Tonight we'll have a talk, after your bath and story."

"Is it bad?" Mathieu asked fearfully.

Lucien was silent. Finally he replied, "You know how much I love you, my child, and that will never, ever stop. I will love you forever and always."

"Lucien?" Mathieu tightly questioned, sensing something big was about to happen. Lucien smiled and kissed his head.

"Come, let us return to practice," Lucien dictated. Mathieu lit up and quickly hurried to follow.

ES

Mathieu splashed around in the bath, giggling. Lucien splashed him back, grinning. "See how long I can hold my breath!" Mathieu exclaimed.

"All right. Ready, set, go," Lucien prompted. Mathieu went under the water as Lucien timed him. Soon he came up.

"How long?" Mathieu asked.

"Thirty seconds, impressive," Lucien replied. Mathieu grinned.

"Have you ever been sailing Lucien?" Mathieu asked Lucien, pushing around a toy boat.

"Sometimes," Lucien replied.

"I wanna go one day," Mathieu said.

"What else do you want to do?" Lucien asked.

Mathieu looked ponderous then replied, smiling, "I've ridden horses before, but I wanna ride a dragon!"

Lucien laughed. "Perhaps one day you shall," he replied, rinsing the boy's hair off.

"Why do I have to bath so much? No one else bath's every night except you," Mathieu complained.

"You would prefer to go weeks without?" Lucien asked. Mathieu cringed at the thought. Then again, everyone _else_ seemed to manage. Hmm, no, he couldn't do it. Lucien had trained him too well.

"I'm ready to get out," Mathieu declared. Lucien took a towel, looking distant once more. Mathieu, curious, climbed out and took the towel, startling Lucien from whatever he was thinking about. The man smiled at him softly, trying to appear like nothing was wrong. Mathieu knew better, though.

ES

Mathieu listened to Lucien finish the story. He'd begged to stay up a little bit later and Lucien agreed that he would read to him in the main hall by the fireplace instead of in bed. Lucien shut the book and put it away. "You said we had to talk," Mathieu remarked, getting right to the point. He was getting tired and he wanted this done with.

"Yes…" Lucien replied. The man took a deep breath then sighed. He placed the boy on the ground and knelt in front of him. "Mathieu, I'm… going away; to live in a different place, for a while… forever," Lucien said.

"Where are we going?" Mathieu asked curiously.

Lucien cringed and looked down. After a moment he looked back up and said gently, "Not us, child. Me."

Mathieu's eyes widened and he looked suddenly afraid. "You? Wh-why not _me_?" Mathieu asked.

"Because you need to stay here, in the sanctuary, where you'll be safe," Lucien replied.

"Why?!" Mathieu demanded, getting upset.

"Because it is where you belong, child, and where you train," Lucien replied, feeling increasingly worse.

"But _you_ train me," Mathieu argued.

"And I will continue training you. I just… Will not be around as often anymore," Lucien said, trying to soften the blow; something he knew he should have done earlier.

"You can't leave me, you can't!" Mathieu argued.

"Mathieu, I won't be gone forever, just living in a different place," Lucien argued.

"No! You're not allowed!" Mathieu yelled angrily. "I won't let you, I won't let you!" he begged, tears in his eyes now as he began to cry, falling into Lucien's arms.

"Mathieu, I know that this is sudden, but…" Lucien began.

"Leave me alone!" Mathieu suddenly screamed at him. Lucien was too shocked to know what to do.

"Mathieu, what's come over you? What's wrong?" Lucien demanded, recovering from the shock.

"I _hate_ you! I hate the Brotherhood, I hate Sithis, and I hate the Night Mother! I hate everything and everyone! Nobody cares about me anymore, no one loves me, and now… now _you're_ leaving me _too_!" he replied, sobbing.

ES

Lucien cursed under his breath. A temper tantrum, just what he _needed_ now. As if guilt wasn't tearing him up enough _already_. "Mathieu, listen to me. I'm not leaving you! I'll still come here all the time," he pled.

"Why can't I go with you?" he sniffled, wiping a tear away while more came up in its place.

"My son, it's complicated," Lucien lamely defended. How could he explain it to the child?

"No it isn't! You don't care about me! You don't love me anymore! Did I do something wrong, daddy? I'll be good! I'll make it better, I _promise_!" Mathieu begged.

"No! No, child, no, you've done _nothing_ wrong. Mathieu I _do_ love you. Very much!" Lucien desperately tried to assure. He felt a lump in his throat but forced it away. He wouldn't crack now. He wouldn't break down. "I would do anything for you, _anything_; but I can't stay here anymore. Believe me, if I could take you with me I _would_."

"You _can_! No one argues with you," Mathieu yelled.

"You're arguing right _now_! My decision is final!" Lucien shouted, finally losing his temper.

ES

Mathieu looked at him in shock as everything went quiet. Suddenly recovering, Mathieu screamed, "I hate you! You wouldn't care if I ran away and never came back!" Angrily Mathieu turned and ran into his room. Lucien looked helplessly after him then sighed deeply. He rose and noticed that his dark siblings had appeared on hearing the argument, and had probably heard most of it too. He cringed at the gazes, ranging from pitying to shocked, and said nothing. Slowly he followed the child and peeked inside the boy's room.

Mathieu was sobbing, curled up under his blankets and clutching his dragon teddy tightly. Lucien watched a moment then went towards him. He gently sat on the boy's bed and stroked his hair lovingly. Mathieu refused to acknowledge him or turn around. Lucien bent down and tenderly kissed the child's head. Rising once more he said, "I love you. So, _so_ much… And I know that you're scared, and I know that you're angry and sad and so many other things that I can't even name… but it's all right. It's all right because I will not leave you for nothing. I will _never_ leave you for nothing. If you call to me, I will answer. I will come. I will protect you with everything I am and everything I have and everything I will come to be. I cannot swear to you that I will always be on time to save you from everything. I will not swear it because I am only a man, Mathieu, not a god. I will come, though. I will always come." He bent and kissed his head again and finished, "I love you." Without another word he walked away, and Mathieu tried to will his sadness to leave.

ES

There was pounding at the door of Fort Farrengut. Lucien frowned and went towards it. He opened the door and saw Vicente looking nervous. Eyes narrowed he said, "I thought I made myself clear."

"Lucien, please, you need to listen," Vicente quickly insisted. "It's Mathieu." Lucien stiffened, now alert.

"What happened?" he quickly demanded, one-hundred different thoughts going through his mind and none of them good.

"He's vanished, run away," Vicente swiftly replied. "Ocheeva went to wake him up this morning, but he was gone. He took his dragon teddy, some of his favorite books, his dagger and some food, then left!"

Lucien inwardly cursed. "Curse that child to Oblivion! No… no, this is all _my_ fault. I knew it was a mistake. Return home, Vicente. I will find that boy if I have to tear up all of Tamriel to _do_ it." Swiftly Lucien ran by him and swung up onto Shadowmere. She whinnied in protest, upset at being disturbed from her grazing. Lucien stroked her gently, though, and whispered some soothing words. Shadowmere nickered and Lucien spurred her into action.

ES

Mathieu hurried through the forest towards the only place he could think of. His home. The place where his mother had been slaughtered. He wanted to see her again, to feel her. Maybe it had all been a dream and mommy was really alive _after_ all. He sniffed and wiped his eyes. She would be cooking over the fire and humming, and she would give him a snack and read to him and sing him songs. She would kiss and hug him and tell him how much she loved him, and Lucien wouldn't have to die because everything would be normal again.

The home came into sight, in ruins. He supposed it should have been a hint that… that mommy wasn't there. But the little boy was growing excited and hopeful. He raced towards it, calling, "Mommy, mommy! Mommy, I'm back! I'm sorry mommy! I'm home now, see!"

He should have guessed when mommy didn't come out in tears and run to him. He reached the door and burst happily in, calling, "Mommy!" His arms were open but no one was coming to him. His grin fell and he stopped beaming. He looked curiously around. "Mommy?" he called again, slowly walking through the house. He smelled something now that made him want to vomit. Decay… He smelled decay. He hurried faster. "Mommy!" he demandingly called.

"Mathieu…" he swore he heard a woman's voice call. "Mathieu…" it echoed again.

"Mommy?" he hopefully asked, walking towards the bedroom.

"Come, child. Come, my guileless son. So alone, so afraid. Come to mother darling, come. Come to mommy," the voice softly cooed.

Mathieu was shaking as he reached for the door knob. "Mommy, where are you?"

"Come, little child, come," the voice replied.

Mathieu swallowed and opened the door, eyes tightly shut. "Mommy?" he asked in a terrified tone, peeking inside.

ES

Lucien raced through Cyrodil desperately. Where could the boy have gone? Where would he have _gone_? He'd checked everywhere he could think of. Shadowmere was panting. Lucien reigned her in. He racked his memory for any possible hint. An image came to mind and slowly his eyes opened. A little boy, hiding beneath his mother's bed. His lips parted and he immediately kicked Shadowmere into action.

He raced through the forest, horror growing. The boy wouldn't have gone back, he _wouldn't_. He would never handle it. He broke out into a field and looked into the distance. He saw the house, now a wreck, and paled as a scream pierced the air. He galloped towards the ruin desperately. He had to make it, but part of him knew he was already too late.

ES

Mathieu peered through the dark and made out a figure. "Mommy…" he breathed. "Mommy!" he cried, running towards it. All at once, though, his eyes adjusted and he froze with a blood curdling scream! There in front of him lay his mother's headless body, or what was left of it. Panic crashed around him. He couldn't breathe. No, no, no, no! "Mommy!" he screeched, racing forward. He fell to his knees next to her and burst into tears, screaming and screaming for her to come back, to wake up.

"Mathieu, baby, do not cry. I'm here," her voice soothed.

"No you're not, you're not! Leave me alone! Make the voices leave!" he begged.

"Mathieu, dearest, I am here," she soothed again. Slowly he looked up only to find himself gazing at her severed head, decaying and repulsive, her loving gaze meeting his. Then he lost himself. Then reality began to fade away.

"Mommy?" he asked, crawling toward it and picking it up. "You talk…"

"There, there now, my darling. Mother is here," he swore he heard her coo. "I'm so happy you've finally come back."

He burst into tears and sobbed, "It-it's all right, mother. It's al-almost over. I'm close, so very close. How long have we struggled? How long have we waited? Too long, I know. But it's almost over. I promise."

"Good, good," she soothed.

Her voice was fading. "Mommy, mommy, don't leave me! Mommy!" he screamed. It was gone and he burst into tears.

ES

"Mathieu!" he heard a voice call. Lucien… Lucien… Mathieu gasped and looked back. Quickly he hid his mother's head in his little sack and looked at the door in fear. Lucien appeared in the doorframe and froze, looking pale as he stared at the body in the room. The woman he had murdered so long ago. Not even a _burial_? Had anyone even realized she was gone? He shook his head at the sorry state of humanity then looked at the boy.

"I-I found this place," Mathieu lied.

Lucien knelt next to the body and replied, "I know." The boy was lying. Mathieu had known about this place, but Lucien played dumb. "I know," he repeated.

Mathieu, tears in his eyes, suddenly burst into sobs, shivering. Someone was there… He was always there, always, always, always, always… He raced into Lucien's arms in misery. This time someone was there to catch him. This time someone was there to weep for him and kiss him and give him snacks and read him stories and tell him how much he loved him and how frightened he'd been that he'd run away. This time someone was there, always, always there, just like he promised. Lucien held him tightly. "A Dark Man killed her, he killed her!" Mathieu insisted.

"Hush, my little one. Do you want her to be given a proper burial?" Lucien asked softly. Mathieu, sniffing, nodded.


	7. Anvil Lighthouse

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: Second up today. And perhaps I will post a third as well.)

Anvil Lighthouse

_**Entry 2: **__Killhimkillhimkillhimkillhim killhhimkillhimkillhimkillhi mkillhimkillhimkillhimkillhi mkillhimkillhimkillhimkillhi mkillhimkillhimkillhimkillhi mkillhimkillhimkillhimkilllh imkillhim._

ES

"Killhimkillhimkillhimkillhim !" the voice was screaming in his mind now, sobbing and begging and screaming and screaming.

"No, no, no!" Mathieu shrieked desperately back, sobbing helplessly. "I won't, I won't! You can't make me! Please, please, I don't want to, I don't want this fate!"

"Killhimkillhimkillhimkillhim !" the voice was screaming again.

"Daddy, daddy, Lucien, help me!" Mathieu shrieked, but Lucien wasn't there. Wait, he was. There was a figure lying helplessly on the ground. Lucien Lachance! It would be so easy. So, so easy to slit his throat. "No!" Mathieu screamed. All at once he woke up and looked around in horror. With a gasp he buried his face in his knees and sobbed. Shakily he reached for his diary and wrote, beneath the first and only entry he'd written so far, the words the voices had been screaming at him. It was strange, but to write it made him feel better.

ES

Entry 1: _It's all right mother. It's almost over. I'm close, so very close. How long have we struggled? How long have we waited? Too long, I know. But it's almost over. I promise._

Entry 2: _Killhimkillhimkillhimkillhim killhhimkillhimkillhimkillhi mkillhimkillhimkillhimkillhi mkillhimkillhimkillhimkillhi mkillhimkillhimkillhimkillhi mkillhimkillhimkillhimkilllh imkillhim._

ES

Lucien wasn't surprised to learn Mathieu had run away again. He wouldn't say he understood why he had, because Mathieu had made his point the first time and the boy knew it, but it didn't matter. What mattered was the child wasn't in the sanctuary, and his reasons ran deeper than a simple call for attention. Antoinette was crying as she relayed the news. Lucien pursed his lips tightly then strode passed her without a word. That boy was going to get himself _killed_. He paused a moment and asked, "Did he leave a note?"

"No," Antoinette replied.

Lucien nodded and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I will bring him back, Antoinetta."

"Dead or alive?" she meekly asked. Lucien inwardly cringed. He didn't know, and that realization scared him more than anything else. Nimbly he leapt onto Shadowmere and galloped away from Fort Farrengut.

ES

Lucien scoured the ground for any sign of the child, but Mathieu had covered his tracks expertly. He didn't even have a lead, and this time not even a guess as to where the boy would have gone. He looked around at the surroundings. Any manner of things could have happened to the young one out here. He would be easy prey to a wild animal… Or a group of bandits. He shuddered at the thought and pushed Shadowmere faster. The horse was displeased with the action, snorting in derision. "Hush you. I will give you a feast of apples and carrots when we get back," he said to her, smiling affectionately. Shadowmere whinnied in what sounded like delight and sped up even faster. Lucien grinned.

He rode up onto a bluff overlooking the sea. Mathieu had said he'd wanted to go sailing. Recently he'd been talking about the sea and adventure. He looked out over the ocean. In the distance he spotted the lone figure of a lighthouse. He believed it was called Anvil Lighthouse. He turned his head curiously. Could the boy have gone _there_? He remembered a recent contract nearby that place. Mathieu had been filled to the brim with questions about why the lighthouse was there and what it did and who ran it. Lucien smiled softly at the memory. He'd laughed at Mathieu's curiosity and told him that he would bring him to meet the lighthouse owner. The little one had been ecstatic, and the old man had been thrilled with the child's intrigue, beguiling him with tale after tale as Lucien waited and listened in interest.

His smile fell. The old man would be looking after Mathieu there, if Mathieu had fled to the lighthouse. It would only be a matter of time before he sent word to the Brotherhood. He wouldn't wait, though. He didn't _want_ to wait. Turning Shadowmere around, he galloped down the trail and towards the lighthouse.

ES

"Child, why have you run away from your father?" the old man asked the boy.

Mathieu, who was picking at some food, looked forlornly up and answered, "I have no daddy. Lucien left me and went away to live somewhere else."

"Surely he comes and visits," the man prompted.

"Yes," Mathieu admitted. "But I want him to stay and he doesn't. I hate him. I should have known he didn't love me."

"Young Bellamont, there is much you don't understand about such things as love," the old man said.

"Mommy's love daddy's and parents love kids, Lucien's not my daddy," Mathieu stated.

"It's never as simple as that," the old man said. "You don't think Lucien Lachance cares about you anymore, but child, I saw the way he acted around you. If I didn't know better I would have thought you were his flesh and blood. I know it feels strange that he's not there all the time anymore, but your father has a job. He needs to provide for you. You know, my father was a sailor. I thought he didn't love me because he was gone so often, sometimes for months on end, but he would always come back, and he would always spend every moment he could with me. Sadly, not until he was killed by pirates on a voyage did it finally click. I never forgave myself for hating him."

Mathieu said nothing, looking down at his plate. That may be so, but the old man of the lighthouse hadn't watched his mommy murdered in front of his eyes by the man who became a father to him. The old man hadn't seen the merciless gaze, the cold and satisfied smirk as her killer looked at her body. The lighthouse man hadn't seen that for a moment, just a moment, the killer was ready to murder him then and there until something else interfered with the idea. "He would kill me, you know," Mathieu quietly remarked. The lighthouse man started in shock, eyes widening. He looked quickly up behind Mathieu, for you see, Lucien had entered minutes ago, just as Mathieu had claimed that the man didn't love him.

ES

Lucien froze on hearing those words from the child's mouth. "_What_?" he whispered to himself, quickly getting out of sight. This required more investigating.

"Mathieu, don't talk like that," the man sharply ordered.

"It's true!" Mathieu exclaimed, sobbing and pushing the food away. "It's true, it's true! He would kill me if I began to scare him and make him worried and suspicious! He loves Sithis and the Night Mother more than me! He loves his dark family more than me! I'm _nothing_ compared to them!"

"Mathieu, calm down," the old man tried to sooth.

"He-he would kill me. He would kill me or he would laugh as others killed me" Mathieu sobbed, but nonetheless he cooled down, burying his head in his arms on the table.

Lucien slowly came out of hiding as the boy wept, sensing Mathieu was done. The old man met the assassins eyes and nodded. "Mathieu, would he come and find you if he thought you were nothing, if he didn't love you?" the old man asked.

"No," Mathieu admitted. "But he's _not_ here."

"I am always here, child. Whenever you call me, whenever you long for me, I will always be there," Lucien finally said.

Mathieu gasped and paled, quickly turning. Lucien had found him _again_! What was he doing wrong? Why couldn't Lucien leave him alone? His surprise became a murderous scowl. "Leave me alone!" Mathieu screamed at him, throwing the plate of food at Lucien. The lighthouse man cringed. Lucien ducked under the projectile. "I don't want you to say that! I don't want you to lie! You won't be there always, you _won't_! If you die because of me you won't be there! You'll _want_ to see me dead!"

"No, Mathieu, no… Perhaps that is what you believe. Perhaps many will think that is exactly what I should and _would_ do, but they are foolish and naïve. I will not forsake you, child of darkness. I will not forsake you," Lucien pacified, slowly approaching Mathieu. Mathieu was backing away in fear, though. He bumped the wall and gasped. He was trapped, but Lucien didn't grab him. Lucien knelt down in front of him and reached out a hand. After a long moment Mathieu took it. Lucien wouldn't go away without him. All at once he was sobbing, collapsing into Lucien's arms.


	8. Too Late

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: Third up today because this is the last chapter that focuses on Mathieu at this particular age, which is around 5, give or take. Honestly I could go on forever with scenes with the two at this point in time, swimming lessons, hunting lessons, and these scenes may appear in a future chapter or even a future story, but it's about time I made him a little older, around 10 or 12 next chapter. This is a touchy chapter with quite mature subject matter, but I didn't go into graphic detail.)

Too Late

Lucien stumbled into the sanctuary limping, bruised, scratched, and generally looking like he'd single handedly fought a war. In his arms was the broken and almost mangled form of a young child. Antoinette and Arquen screamed in horror on seeing them. Lucien could barely move! "Lucien, what happened?!" Vicente demanded, leaping up and racing to his friend along with M'raaj Dar and Havilstein.

"This one demands to know what you got into," M'raaj Dar demanded.

"Oh gods, what happened to him?" Havilstein asked, more focused on the unmoving child in Lucien's arms. For a terrifying moment he thought the boy was dead, but then Lucien wouldn't be so hurried. Besides, the man was looking more alarmed than grief stricken, as he would have been if Mathieu _was_ dead.

"His luck ran out," Lucien replied. "Hurry, he needs help!" he ordered the others. He almost laughed at himself. Needed help? He was unsure whether the boy would ever even _want_ to wake up again.

"He's not the _only_ one," Teinaava remarked, taking the child. Lucien's expression became guilt stricken as what had just happened suddenly hit him. He gasped and fell to his knees, clutching his midsection. He wasn't sure whether it was because of the pain in the ribs that were probably broken, or because he felt he was going to throw up. He sobbed and closed his eyes tightly, shaking his head in denial. Oh gods… Oh gods, Mathieu…

"Get him aid, quickly!" Arquen ordered.

Balisarius helped him up and said, "Easy, Lachance, easy. Give yourself time to recover."

ES

Lucien, his head leaning against the door frame, gazed helplessly at the child lying so still in the bed. After a long moment he shut his eyes tightly and moved away from it. The others were waiting for the narrative. For once he wasn't sure if he _could_ tell it. He'd run away again, the third time in a row, but this time… This time fate wasn't on his side. Oh Immortals, he wasn't sure if he could face the boy again. Rather, the conversation he knew would happen when Mathieu woke up.

"He… He stumbled onto a bandit city," Lucien began finally, sitting down. "As you can imagine, he stood no chance. They captured him."

"Oh gods," Fafnir said, eyes lighting up in realization. The bandits were brutal, the bandits were cruel, and the bandits… He knew what they were like. He'd witnessed it in Skyrim often enough. He wished he was clueless, but he wasn't. The child was young, the child was beautiful, the child was tender and soft and defenceless, and if the bandits had gotten their hands on the little one…

"They…" Lucien began. He couldn't say it, though. To say it would make it real; but it was already real. There was no way around it. "They took him. They took him and each in turn had their way with him, passing him from bandit to bandit," Lucien finally said, almost to himself. There were horrified gasps and murmuring's all around. There were furious curses screamed, and more than half of his Dark Brother's rose, weapons brandished, and swore they would go after the ones who did such a thing.

To their shock Lucien burst into laughter. Not happy laughter, not mocking, not cruel, but slightly hysterical. "Lucien…?" Alval began worriedly.

All at once the man seemed to recover. He shot up from his seat and yelled, "Sit down!" Immediately the ones standing obeyed. Lucien, quaking in fury now, forced himself to get a hold on his emotions before he started throwing things around the room and screaming curses. Taking a deep breath he brushed his hair back and said, "You won't go after them. There is nothing left to go _after_. I killed every last one without remorse, without a thought. There would have been nothing left of them for the animals once I was done, except I had to get Mathieu away from there and to help. Unfortunately, the Orcish Stronghold I came upon wasn't friendly. Apparently one of theirs had been murdered by one of ours. I fought through them and got out. I couldn't waste time killing them all off."

They gaped at him in shock. That would explain why he was such a mess. He'd single handedly fought through a bandit city and an orcish stronghold, all while carrying a child _with_ him. They were shocked he wasn't _dead_. After a long moment's silence, in which Lucien sat and buried his face in his hands, Gogron ruefully said, "We should never have taken in a child. Sometimes I wonder if the boy is worth the price so many have almost paid for him."

Mistake. Lucien shot up and literally dove over the table, tackling the orc to the ground. He raised his dagger, murder in his eyes, Gogron would have died that moment if Banus and Vicente hadn't pulled him off of the man. Lucien stood up furiously, tucking the weapon away and pacing. Gogron staggered quickly up in shock. The others gaped in disbelief. Finally Lucien sharply looked at them and yelled, "I regret nothing of what I did! I would do it again, if I had to! I will _die_ for that boy if the time comes! My son is a priceless treasure. There is no limit to what he is worth to me, Gogron, _none_, and do not forget it." Furiously he turned and stormed towards the child's room. He had to be alone. He felt a foreign burning in his eyes but forced it back. He had to be with the child when he awoke.

ES

Lucien held the little ones hand tightly with both of his own. Tears in his eyes he softly kissed it and waited. Mathieu had been stirring for a while now. Any moment he should wake up… he hoped. Suddenly the child's eyes began to flicker, and Lucien swallowed over a lump in his throat. He should have been ecstatic, but all he felt was dread and guilt. He knew where this would go. Mathieu looked a moment confused then glanced over at the one holding his hand. "Daddy?" he asked in a weak voice, hardly loud enough to hear.

"I am here, my child of darkness, I am here," Lucien replied.

All at once Mathieu's eyes cleared as the realization of what had happened came crashing down around him. He looked horrified, then sick, then terrified. He opened his mouth to scream, but nothing came out. The next moment he was sobbing uncontrollably and shrieking in denial, tossing side to side as if trying to block out everything. Lucien, forcing himself not to go into panic mode and seize the child tightly,—for that would only terrify and disorient the boy more—held Mathieu's arms firmly. "Shh, shh, Mathieu, it's over now. It's all over."

"You said you'd always be there, you promised!" Mathieu suddenly screamed, weakly giving up the struggle and laying back on the bed. Only then did Lucien dare to pull him close and tight. "I screamed for you over and over but you didn't come!"

Child, my child, I swore to you I would always be there, no matter what. I told you I could not promise I would be on time… but then that would only sound like an excuse to your ears, wouldn't it? But then won't silence be just as damning? Sithis, he wished he knew how to react. "I came, Mathieu, I came. I know it was too late… so, so late, but I came," he finally replied. Mathieu clutched him tightly, sobbing. He could say nothing in argument. He just never wanted daddy to leave _again_.

ES

Mathieu watched bitterly as Lucien finally left. He knew he'd leave. Not even after what had happened would he stay. He'd stayed two months, but now he was going. He didn't care… He didn't care about him. Mathieu scoffed and turned, walking back inside the sanctuary. Lucien looked back. He didn't want to be there anymore, to face his failure, to face his mistakes. It hurt, badly, and somehow he knew it would never been the same. Sadly he looked down and away. Perhaps that was selfish, but he wouldn't think on it now. As he did so often, he buried the feelings away. To face them… He didn't know if he could handle it.


	9. First Contract

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: Some time has passed. Mathieu is now somewhere in the area of 10 or 12.)

First Contract

Some years passed. Mathieu skillfully danced around, facing off with Ungolim in a mini-battle. Ungolim was highly impressed, Mathieu saw. He smiled proudly. Good. "Child, Lucien has taught you well!" Ungolim exclaimed as Mathieu got in another hit. The victory finally went to the Listener, but marginally. Panting, Ungolim sat. Mathieu sat across from him grinning excitedly. "Your father must be so proud." Mathieu's smile slightly fell, but quickly it appeared again. That last time Lucien had come he _seemed_ that way. But last time Lucien hadn't even talked to him, just watched him fight with Shaleez. Fight and win… He'd seen pride in Lucien's eyes, and a smile, but before Mathieu could go to him Lucien had left the room. He'd never even gotten to even _talk_ to him that visit. Granted it was the first time ever, but that didn't make it less painful.

"His father _is_ very proud," a voice said, and Mathieu gasped, looking hopefully over. Lucien stood there smiling at him.

"Papa, you're back!" Mathieu exclaimed, leaping up and running to him. Lucien grinned and bent. Mathieu leapt up into his arms. Lucien caught him and stood, spinning him around. Mathieu shrieked with laughter.

Lucien smiled and said, nuzzling him, "Look at you. What happened to the small child I once held? You've gotten so big. When did you begin to grow so quickly? Soon I won't be able to carry you anymore."

Mathieu laughed and held him tightly, all anger and bitterness forgotten. Lucien chuckled. "I missed you," Mathieu said, frowning once more. "You were gone so _long_."

"I know, and I am sorry son. I'll make it up to you, I promise," Lucien replied. "I have something special planned for you." Mathieu grinned excitedly.

ES

"It's been some time, Speaker," Arquen greeted her friend.

"It has," Lucien agreed. "The boy has become a fine fighter."

"He takes the contracts almost all by himself whenever he goes out with one of us," Banus added, grinning as they watched Mathieu reading a book. He'd become a very avid reader and writer. He wrote mostly poetry, and what he shared was usually very good. But Mathieu had some poems he never let anyone see. That was alright, though, because many writers kept at least _some_ of their works to themselves.

"In fact, we want to speak to you about something regarding his talent," Arquen said.

"I listen," Lucien replied.

"Lucien, I've been thinking… perhaps it is time to let Mathieu go out on his own contract, alone. I know he is still quite young, younger than anyone else has ever been, but he is ambitious and skilled. I believe he can handle it," Arquen remarked.

"There's no doubt about it," Banus said. "That boy could do it easily."

Lucien smiled and said, "I was about to propose the idea myself, actually." He looked uncertain, but then didn't _all_ parents who were about to send their child out to do something by themselves? "I will speak to him about it and see to it he is given one."

"Vicente has taken the liberty of selecting one, actually," Banus said. "It promises to be fairly simple, not too much for him to handle but not so simple as to offend his pride."

"I will inform him," Lucien said.

ES

"Mathieu?" Lucien said, entering the boy's bedroom.

Mathieu looked curiously up. "Yes sir?" he asked. Lucien smirked sadly. The boy was falling away from using the terms daddy and papa. It pained him to realize it. Perhaps he wasn't around as much as he could be.

"How would you like to do a contract?" Lucien asked.

"With _you_?" Mathieu asked curiously. He always went on contracts with Lucien almost every time he was here except for last time. Why was _this_ different?

"No. Alone," Lucien answered.

Mathieu's eyes widened. "_Alone_?" he exclaimed excitedly, leaping up.

"All by yourself," Lucien confirmed.

"Yes! Yes, Lucien, yes!" Mathieu cheered. Laughing he hugged his father figure briefly then darted out. They were about to hand out the contracts, and _he_ would _get_ one! It was perfect! It meant that now… now they were beginning to give him freedom and trust. He continued running until he was at the table.

ES

Mathieu waited eagerly, eyes sparkling as he sat on Lucien's lap. "Let me see," Vicente said. "Ah, here is one. Hmm, an old pirate captain who lives alone on his ship. He takes it out once every night, so whoever does this must be sure to be done the deed before then. Now who shall I give it to?" Mathieu gasped and looked excitedly up at Lucien, beaming. Lucien smirked and ruffled his hair. "I know. Mathieu, how would you like to kill a pirate?"

"Yeah!" Mathieu exclaimed, leaping up. Lucien frowned and pulled him down before he jumped onto the table and crawled across it. Mathieu shot him an annoyed look but accepted the correction.

Vicente laughed and handed it over, saying, "There you are. This is your first one ever. Are you excited?"

"Yes, yes, _yes_!" Mathieu exclaimed, holding it proudly. "Papa, papa, when can I go?" he asked Lucien, eyes bright and wide.

"Wait until we're done here, Mathieu," Lucien said, grinning. Mathieu could hardly contain himself for the rest of the meeting.

ES

Mathieu raced into his room and brought out his dagger as Lucien watched and waited. Mathieu looked it over with a smile. It was the present Lucien had given him so long ago. Well, what seemed like so long ago to _him_, at least. To Lucien it was as if it had been only yesterday that he had held the small and frail child in his arms, hardly beyond a toddler. Now here he was… It was bittersweet, Lucien realized. He didn't like the feeling yet at the same time knew it was only natural.

Mathieu fingered the ebony dagger. It had an ivy handle and a golden and silver design on the blade. And it was enchanted with a health draining spell. It was like the Blade of Woe, but nowhere near as powerful and unique. The Blade of Woe was _Lucien's_ prize. Lachance had never let anyone use it before, _Lucien_ hadn't even used it, and it would _stay_ that way until Lachance decided otherwise. Mathieu stuck the dagger in its case as Lucien waited. Mathieu frowned, trying to determine what to wear and what the weather would be like.

"I have something for you," Lucien said.

Mathieu gasped, startled. He'd almost forgotten the man was _there_. "Really? What is it?" Mathieu eagerly questioned. Lucien pulled out a black cloak with a hood, and Mathieu's eyes lit up excitedly. "Yay! Thank you daddy!" Mathieu exclaimed, running to it. Lucien helped him put it on.

"There you go. Does it fit all right? Can you see?" Lucien asked, adjusting it.

"Yes," Mathieu replied.

"Good. Come now, child, do you wish for me to accompany you to the dock, or will you go alone?" Lucien asked, holding the boy's hand.

"I wanna go alone," Mathieu replied. Lucien was hesitant, but it was the boy's first contract. Besides, it was only natural to worry about the little one. Well, not so little anymore, but still only a child.

ES

Mathieu stood at the door of the city. Lucien knelt in front of him fussing over him. Mathieu didn't know why, but he guessed it was because Lucien was worried and trying to keep his mind occupied. "Now remember, I want you home by nine. It will be getting dark then and I don't want you to stay around longer than is necessary. Is it warm enough for you?"

"Yes," Mathieu replied.

"Do you remember what time the captain sails his ship?" Lucien asked.

Mathieu thought a moment then answered, "Eight-thirty."

"Good. I want you off of there before he casts off. The last thing I need is to have you lost at sea," Lucien firmly said.

"I won't get lost!" Mathieu protested, eyes angry.

"Mathieu…" Lucien warned.

"Yes sir," Mathieu muttered, looking down.

"Good. Here's some food in case you get hungry, and some water if you get thirsty. Don't take unnecessary risks. We don't need you getting yourself killed. Last but not least, a poisoned apple, in case you can't find an opening to stab him. Do _not_ eat it. When you were little I could forgive your almost poisoning yourself with that apple you stole from me; children put things in their mouths, children challenge parents. You know better now, though," Lucien warned.

"I'm not a baby!" Mathieu protested. "I wouldn't eat it!"

"I didn't say you were a baby," Lucien replied. He paused uncertainly, finally out of things to say to delay the child's departure. "Be careful," he finally added. Softly he kissed the child's forehead. "Goodbye Mathieu. Walk always in the shadow of the Void. I love you. Kill well and kill often, child of Sithis." Mathieu's eyes hardened like daggers at the last sentence, but he was looking down at the ground so Lucien didn't see. Hiding the gaze he looked up, smiling and nodding. He hugged Lucien then ran off.

ES

Mathieu reached the ship and looked around for a way on. He could climb the ropes holding it to the dock, he supposed. There was no gangplank. Checking and rejecting his other options—some outright ridiculous, like pole vaulting onto it—he went to the ropes and clambered onboard. Stealthily he snuck along the deck. The Pirate was probably below deck. Mathieu stealthily slipped through the door and went down.

"Almost time for my nightly sail," he heard the old pirate mutter. He heard footsteps and hid in the shadows. The man was getting up. But it was too early! Mathieu shifted nervously. He'd have to move quickly. The pirate walked passed his hiding spot. Mathieu slunk out and followed cautiously.

The pirate went on deck and began to untie his ship. Now was the time to move. Mathieu raised his dagger, ready to end the man, but suddenly a voice cried out, "Captain, what's a little boy doing on this ship?" Mathieu froze and paled. Quickly he hid the dagger away and spun. There was another person on board! But why? Vicente had said only the Captain was ever on this ship. He cursed his luck. Of course a perfect kill would be ruined by some unforeseen variable.

"A what now?" the pirate asked, turning. He spotted Mathieu and started. Mathieu swallowed and turned, eyes wide and frightened. Cuteness would be his saving grace here, hopefully, or it would end him. Uh oh. Lucien wouldn't be happy he went sailing.

ES

The pirate's eyes hardened. "Little rapscallion, what are you doing on my ship?"

"I-I got kidnapped and stolen away from mommy and daddy. They dragged me to the docks and tried to take me far away so I could be sold as a slave! I escaped, though, and I had nowhere to go so I-I hid _here_," Mathieu replied.

"What makes you think we won't do the same?" the other questioned.

"I-I don't know," Mathieu replied, though really he wouldn't be surprised if they tried to do just that. He thanked Lucien a million times for the poisoned apple.

"You've had dealings in the slave market. How much are little boys going for?" the pirate captain asked his friend.

"For a child _this_ pretty, we would get quite a fair price," the other answered. Mathieu frowned. They'd never see the money.

"Tie him up and bring him below deck," the captain ordered.

"Oh, because I can so easily jump from here to the dock!" Mathieu sarcastically snipped, dropping the innocent act. It wouldn't get him anywhere, he'd deduced.

"Watch your mouth, boy!" the pirate barked, slapping him. Mathieu hissed in pain then scowled.

"He doesn't need to be bound. He can't get anywhere once we're out in the water. He'd drown before he got far, or get shot by an arrow," the other said.

"Take him below deck anyway. He doesn't set foot up here until we've reached our destination. Lock him in a cell," the pirate captain ordered.

"Gladly," the other replied, grabbing his arm.

"Let go! I can walk myself!" Mathieu shot, pulling free and clenching his fists as he stomped down below deck. He wasn't too worried. It wasn't a cakewalk anymore, but he could handle it… he hoped.

ES

Mathieu scowled at the man from behind the bars in the dingy little cell. He smirked icily to himself, though, as the man went rummaging through his belongings. The pirate captain's friend had taken all of his food and money and water, including the poisoned apple. At least Mathieu still had his concealed dagger and some lock picks. How ironic that it was Lucien's training that would save him. Putting on a miserable and terrified expression, Mathieu begged, "Please, please, I need food, I need water!"

The man shot an annoyed look at him then smirked cruelly. He took the food and knelt in front of the cell, eating it in front of Mathieu's eyes. He then poured the water onto the ground and said, "Go on, you little dog. Lap it up." Laughing coldly the man threw the apple core into the cell. Mathieu inwardly laughed. It would only be a matter of seconds now. The man stood, still laughing, but all at once he found he couldn't breathe! "I-I can't breathe, I can't breathe! Help…" he was begging. He fell to the ground the next moment, dead.

Mathieu smirked cruelly then set to work picking the lock. Soon enough he was out. Now to finish off the captain; and hope they weren't too far from land. He didn't know how to steer a boat, but that was a whole other issue he couldn't address right now. Mathieu crept up onto the deck and made his way through the shadows to the helm. Silently he moved behind the old man. He observed his surroundings. Far behind them he saw land, probably Cyrodil. He could steer the ship that way, couldn't he? He cringed. He had no idea how to captain a ship except through what he'd read. It wasn't easy, but once you got the hang of it you were usually fine.

The captain was completely unaware. All at once Mathieu lunged without a sound and stabbed! The man gave a strangled cry, but the knife had pierced at the base of his skull. In a heartbeat he was gone, and Mathieu was worriedly trying to control the ship and praying the wind and currents didn't turn on him.

ES

"Where is he? It's been too long," Lucien murmured, pacing restlessly at the cities gate.

"Calm yourself Lachance, the boy will be fine," Vicente assured.

"Fine? I told him specifically to be back at nine. It is now ten. I thought you said this contract wasn't too much for him to handle," Lucien growled.

"Lucien, have faith in the boy. All he knows he learned from you and you alone. He is your protégé. Has he let you down _yet_?" Banus asked.

Lucien looked back and forth from his two friends. "Perhaps, but I need to check the docks. If the captain pulled out early, Mathieu could be in more danger than he realizes."

"We shall accompany you," Vicente said. He wouldn't lie. He was worried for the boy. Something wasn't right here. That contract was a walk in the park, but if someone else had been _with_ the captain… That could be another story.

"Right. I'll ask some smuggler contacts I have down there what the prices for little boys on the market are…" Banus began. He caught his breath and shut up instantly when Vicente made slashing motions across his neck, trying to quiet him. Too late. Lucien had spun, eyes wide and burning.

"Market? The black market?" Lucien asked, voice quaking with anger.

"I'm sure it's nothing," Banus quickly covered. Lucien turned and bolted. Vicente and Banus cringed and exchanged looks. Swiftly they followed.

ES

The three men slid to a stop with gasps. "But-but this is where the man always docked, I swear it," Vicente insisted.

"Oh no…" Banus breathed.

Lucien looked suddenly pale and afraid. Instantly he began to scan the ocean for any sign of a ship. He squinted. A shape was coming near them, a boat. The other two spotted it too. "You don't think…" Vicente began.

"By Sithis…" Lucien breathed, mouth dropping.

"Night Mother preserve us!" Banus exclaimed. The ship was coming at an alarming rate. "Can he even _sail_ a boat?"

"He's read about it," Lucien numbly replied as the trio backed away from the dock; which, if the boat kept coming at this speed, wouldn't be there in a moment.

ES

Mathieu frowned, looking at the anchor. He knew he was supposed to drop it, but there was no way he could _move_ that thing! He swallowed. Oh they were in for a big crash. Wait! He could make this all look like an accident if he steered the boat onto some rocks! It would go down and so would the two bodies! He could swim to shore… Fear came to his eyes. But what if he couldn't make it? He raced up to the helm and looked ahead. There were three figures on the dock. He squinted. Was that… His eyes widened. Lucien, Vicente, and Banus!" He felt relief. If _he_ couldn't make it _they_ would find a way to save him.

He grabbed the helm and turned sharply. He gasped, almost losing his footing, as the boat cut like a dream. A pity it would be smashed. It was a very, very good ship. He set his eyes on some rocks and ground his teeth. They were nearing. He tightened his grip and prepared for the jarring impact.

They hit and Mathieu cried out in alarm and pain, almost losing his hold and plummeting overboard. The ship made a sickening grinding sound. It was going down. It was slipping back from off of the rocks. It would sink. It hadn't run aground. He had to get to the rocks before the whirlpool this boat would create as it went under could take him down beneath the waves! He raced to the front of the ship and clambered up onto the post from which the figurehead hung. He dove off and into the water. Quickly he swam for the land and climbed on. He turned back and watched as the ship disappeared into the depths.

ES

"No…" Banus breathed.

"What was he thinking?" Vicente asked. Immediately the three raced along the shore, trying to get as close to the rock mass on land as possible.

"Mathieu!" Lucien called, sliding to a stop and looking across at the distant rocks. "Mathieu, answer me!" The ship was sinking under. It was almost gone. Then there was no trace, and the three men could only stare, pale and in shock.

"He-he _can't_ be gone…" Vicente breathed. "He can't be."

"No…" Banus murmured.

Lucien was standing as still as a statue. One would almost think he wasn't breathing. His eyes were scanning the rock mass for a sign of some life. "Lucien… I'm… I'm sorry. I thought… by Sithis… brother, please… forgive me," Vicente pled, tears threatening his eyes.

"Get out of here, before he snaps," Banus warned quietly.

Vicente looked down. After a moment he softly replied, "No… Mathieu is gone because of me." Looking at Lucien's turned back, he added, "If I am to pay with my life in vengeance for his, I will pay it."

"Vicente…" Banus began.

"Be silent," Lucien warned them both in a hiss. "I hear something."

ES

"Lucien, Lucien!" a voice was calling.

The other two gasped and looked towards the rocks again. They saw something moving. Their eyes widened. "Mathieu!" they exclaimed together.

"He'll never be able to swim this distance," Lucien said.

"Nor will you," Banus replied sharply, catching the tone.

"Oh no? Watch me," Lucien answered, offended at the lack of confidence. He dove easily into the water and began swimming.

"If only there were a boat around here," Banus said, helplessly looking around the docks and inwardly laughing at the irony of it all. A dock without boats? It was sad, really.

ES

Mathieu waited worriedly. All at once Lucien was there, clambering up onto the rocks. Mathieu grinned and excitedly babbled, "I did it, Lucien, see! It was easy! I poisoned the one who was guarding me then I killed the captain after I lock picked out of the cell they were holding me in. They wanted to sell me on the Black Market, but they never got a chance. And did you see me sailing the boat! I crashed it, I know, but I couldn't lift the anchor and there was no other way to stop it and make it look like an accident. Now no one will ever know what happened, _ever_!"

Lucien gaped in shock at the boy. He would have drawn him close, if Mathieu had given him a chance, but the boy had been acting out the motions as he spoke. He'd pretty much raced around the whole rock expressing his excitement. He should be mad at the boy, furious, in fact, but all he felt was relief. He sighed deeply, willing his frustrations to leave. "Excellent, child, good for you. Are you all right?" Lucien asked.

"Yeah, but I'm going to have a bruise because the captain slapped me once, and I don't know how to get back to shore because I'm not an adult yet and can't swim as well as you can even though you taught me and saved me from drowning all the time," he stopped to breathe and was about to go off on another long spiel, but Lucien was more interested in getting back to shore. He was angry on hearing the captain had struck the child, but it was all water under the bridge now. They had more important things to focus on.

"I'll swim with you back. When you get tired, hold onto me," Lucien directed.

"Okay, but it's really cold," Mathieu replied, shivering. Lucien smiled softly and chuckled.

Gently he nuzzled the boy and said, "I'm so proud of you." Mathieu blinked then beamed. The two slipped into the water and began to swim back to shore.


	10. Contract Chaos

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: Another less dark chapter, because things will get grim again soon. Sometime within the next chapter or two, or three.)

Contract Chaos

Lucien watched the child playing outside Anvil Lighthouse. "My how the boy has grown," the old lighthouse keeper said.

Lucien smiled sadly. "Yes, he has… He loves you like a grandfather you know. He always asks to come here and hear the stories grandpa tells him," Lucien remarked, accompanying the elder man back inside.

"I never had grandchildren," the lighthouse keeper mused. "How nice. Tell me though, Lucien, has someone finally put a contract out on my head? Why are you here?"

"Not to kill you, old friend. There is no plea for your death. Mathieu very much wanted to come. His latest contact was out this way. I told him if he did well we would come visit," Lucien replied.

"Has he _ever_ let you down?" the man asked.

"No," Lucien admitted, smirking.

"Sit down, my boy, I have some food somewhere here. Stay for a meal," the lighthouse keeper offered. Lucien grimaced at being called a boy, but he supposed, really, that he should be flattered. He hadn't felt like a boy since his first kill. Truth be told he felt rather old; but then watching a child grow up so quickly could do that to you. One unwanted side-effect of being a 'father.'

"Thank you," Lucien replied. "I will call Mathieu in."

ES

Mathieu was busy building mud castles and attacking them with the dragon teddy he still hadn't outgrown, and probably never would though no one needed to know that. He made roaring and smashing noises as he splashed around in the mud puddle. Lucien wouldn't be happy with him, he knew, but he was having too much fun. He paused after a moment and looked down the hill. His smile fell to a curious frown, though, on seeing a rather large group heading towards the lighthouse. Who were they? They didn't look like they belonged at the lighthouse. They certainly weren't sailors.

He paled. Bandits! They must be bandits coming to wreck the Lighthouse and murder his grandpa and his daddy and him! Or… he paled as he remembered the last encounter. He neardly burst into tears, but anger quickly overtook misery. He frowned, hand going to his dagger. He wouldn't let them come and hurt his lighthouse and his grandpa! "Mathieu!" a voice called. Mathieu turned. Lucien was in the doorway calling him in. Mathieu looked nervously back at the bandits. Maybe they wouldn't come here after all, and if they did Lucien would protect him and grandpa, right? Mathieu rose and ran to Lucien smiling. Lucien frowned and said, "How on Earth could you _possibly_ get so dirty in less than five minutes?"

"There was a huge mud puddle," Mathieu answered like it was obvious. He looked back again, though, and asked, "Sir, why are those men coming towards the lighthouse?"

Lucien started and looked up quickly. The old man, sensing something was wrong, soon appeared behind them. Sure enough a large group was approaching. Lucien placed his hands gently but firmly on Mathieu's shoulders and watched icily. "I say. Why on Earth would anyone come _here_?" the old man asked. Lucien said nothing. There were many possible answers, and few were good.

"Hail, lighthouse keeper!" one called out to the old man.

"What are you doing here?" the man demanded.

"Depending on your answers, we'll see," the leader of the strangers answered. "You, man," he called, focusing in on Lucien. "You look to be the provider of this family. Tell me, what's a small amount of gold to you?"

ES

Lucien summed them up icily. They wanted money, they wanted goods, they wanted food and provisions and probably women. Luckily there were none of the latter _here_. Bandits, they had to be. They, at least, were willing to be peaceful about robbing them blind. Unfortunately for them, and more so him, the lighthouse keeper had nothing to give, and neither did he. "Mathieu, go inside with your grandfather," Lucien ordered calmly. Mathieu looked worriedly up at him, then ahead again.

"Come along Mathieu, let your father deal with them," the old man prompted, pulling Mathieu away and quickly retreating inside. If Lucien failed he would be sure those men didn't lay a hand on the boy. They would kill him in a heartbeat, or worse.

Turning back to the bandits, Lucien replied, "I have nothing to offer you, travellers."

"Really," the leader said. "Well, a pity."

"Yes. I'm afraid you'll have to go elsewhere," Lucien replied, playing dumb.

"No, no, stranger. A pity we're going to have to kill off you and your family," the bandit replied.

Lucien drew his dagger and warned, "Walk away, for this is a battle you cannot hope to win."

The men hesitated a moment, obviously thinking over his words. Unluckily for them, they decided one man wasn't a threat. "Sorry friend, not going to happen," the leader replied. Immediately the bandits charged. Lucien scowled, breathed a prayer, and dove into the fray.

ES

Inside, Mathieu and the old man heard the commotion. They were in a little hiding spot, in case Lucien didn't make it. "He's going to be okay," Mathieu said, but it was more to assure _himself_ than the old man.

Sensing the young boy's fear, the old man said, "There, there child. Lucien Lachance has handled worse. His luck has held out thus far."

"But luck stops," Mathieu argued. The old man said nothing. He wouldn't make a promise he couldn't keep. Lucien had made that his philosophy regarding the boy, and so would he. The child had had enough promises to him broken.

Soon enough, though, the sounds of fighting died down. They heard the door open and cautiously the old man peeked out and sighed in relief. "It's Lucien," he stated. Mathieu was out the door in a second and in Lucien's arms. The old man followed slower. "Well done, my boy, well done," he praised the younger man. Lucien frowned, annoyed once more at the term 'boy,' but the lighthouse keeper knew it bothered him. He used it on purpose.

ES

Mathieu finished his bath then got dressed in his night clothes and went out to the main part of the Lighthouse. Lucien was there, patching his armor. The old man was napping and snoring. Lucien glanced over at Mathieu and said, "We're staying here tonight. It's too late to start out."

"Where do _I_ sleep?" Mathieu asked.

"Wherever you want," Lucien replied. "There isn't much for beds here." Mathieu yawned. In that case, he would claim a place near the fire-pit. He rubbed his eyes. Lucien smirked softly and asked, "Already?" Normally the boy didn't get tired until much later, but it had been a long day.

Mathieu blinked sleepily at him and nodded. Lucien put down the armor and took some blankets. He laid them near the fire, sensing the boy's wishes to be near it. Mathieu tiredly crawled onto them and curled up. Lucien kissed his head and covered the child with another blanket. Mathieu drifted off, too tired for a story. Lucien smirked and went back to mending the armor. It would be an early start tomorrow. There were more contracts to be completed before he brought Mathieu back to the sanctuary.

ES

Mathieu raced ahead of Lucien, bright eyed and wide awake. The kill had been exhilarating to the boy. Lucien smiled in approval. The child leapt onto a tree and began scrambling up it simply because he could. Lucien caught up to him and plucked him from his perch, though Mathieu protested adamantly. "I don't need you breaking your neck, son," Lucien said.

"You're no fun," Mathieu accused angrily.

"Aren't I?" Lucien asked, tickling him. Mathieu burst into laughter. Lucien laughed and placed him down. "I am too old for fun, child," he teased.

"You need a wife," Mathieu remarked.

Lucien frowned, slightly put out at the claim, and put his hands on his hips, asking, "Who have you been talking to?"

"Oops," Mathieu said.

"Mathieu…" Lucien warned.

"Um, Gogron?" Mathieu more questioned than stated. Lucien scoffed. Of course.

The orc had been harping on him mercilessly about his seriousness lately. Often Gogron had told him he needed a lover, or many, many lovers, as the orc had hinted. Humph. The _last_ thing he needed was a commitment, or lack thereof. He had his hands full with a child, a demanding job, and many other things that left no time for any such pleasures.

"Ignore Gogron," Lucien humorlessly said.

Mathieu lit up, sensing Lucien was annoyed. He liked annoying Lucien sometimes. "Gogron said you couldn't get one anyway," Mathieu said, shrugging.

"Oh did he now?" Lucien icily asked. He knew exactly what the child was trying to do. Good news for Mathieu. It was working.

"He says you've lost your touch," Mathieu said.

Lucien chuckled darkly and replied, "Far from it. It would take not but a moment."

Mathieu frowned. Lucien was probably right, at that. He'd always heard Antoinetta and Shaleez and all the women he knew, talk about Lucien and giggle. He didn't quite understand why, but from what he'd caught through spying Lucien was 'easy on the eyes,' whatever that meant, and he had a 'voice that could make a sabre cat purr, sultry, smooth, and seductive, like velvet.' He thought he knew what sultry and seductive meant, but he'd rather not have it confirmed. They also said he was dark and mysterious and quiet and impossible to win over. Mathieu didn't know if that was good or not, but judging by the disappointed tones of the women it was bad for _them_. They also said that the day a woman resisted him would be the day Lucien fell in love. Mathieu frowned. He didn't think he wanted Lucien to fall in love because then Lucien would abandon him like everyone _else_ always did.

ES

They entered Bravil. Mathieu wondered why they were here. Lucien always went to the statue of the "Lucky Old Lady." He wasn't sure why. It was a nice statue, but there really wasn't any other reason to go to it. Except it granted you luck, apparently, and sometimes wishes. "Why are we in Bravil?" Mathieu questioned.

"Our last contract is here," Lucien replied.

"Oh. I thought we were done. When do we start?" Mathieu asked.

"Your contracts _are_ done, Mathieu. I'm completing this one alone. It requires seduction, deceit, risk, and betrayal, and you are not to witness a moment of it. In this tavern there are those who can get rather disgusting," Lucien said.

"Well what am _I_ supposed to do?" Mathieu demanded.

"Stay out of trouble," Lucien answered.

"Can I have some money to spend then?" Mathieu asked.

Lucien thought it over a moment, calculated the time it would take him to get in, seduce the woman up to her room, slaughter her, go after the male, slaughter him, then get out. Perhaps a half hour to an hour, or less. "All right. Three hundred gold, no more," Lucien finally said, giving Mathieu the money.

"Yay! Thank you papa!" Mathieu exclaimed. Immediately he darted off.

"Don't talk to strangers, don't take food from them or treats, don't help them find lost pets or children, don't go anywhere with them!" Lucien called quickly. Mathieu waved and disappeared. Ever since the bandit incident so many years ago his nightmares were haunted by the 'what could happens' of the child racing off alone. It still didn't sit well with him. His own personal phobia, he supposed, but he'd always practiced what he'd preached. He had to face it once in a while; but each time he did, he felt as if he couldn't breathe.

"Such a beautiful child. He is yours?" a voice asked. He glanced over. The woman contract. Well, this made things simpler.

"Yes," Lucien admitted. She shivered and smirked on hearing his voice.

"His mother…" the woman fished.

"Dead," Lucien answered.

"Oh I'm sorry. How long?" she wondered.

Lucien smiled seductively at her and purred, dropping his hands casually on her waist, "Long enough." Her eyes immediately lit up.

It took a grand total of five minutes to talk his way into her room—he wasn't even really trying—ten minutes to wait for her to finish bathing and changing, and less than a second to end her life as they kissed. It took around ten minutes to find the man. The male was in a lustful mood. It took even less time to get him into a back room. The man had just barely shut the door when Lucien ended his life. He had no intentions of letting it get as far as he had with the woman. Now to collect Mathieu and return to Cheydinhal.

ES

Mathieu, in the meantime, was busy causing chaos in the market place. He'd gotten bored of buying things. There wasn't much here he wanted that Lucien hadn't already provided him with. He'd been slightly spoiled since Lucien had left the sanctuary. He was pretty sure it was because Lucien still felt guilty, but it didn't matter. It got him lots of presents. From the roof he threw a tomato at a man who'd just been arguing with another man. The man who was hit with the tomato turned and started throwing things at the other who he'd been arguing with, then the whole place was a mess as the adults, _adults_ of all things, began a grand food fight that was keeping him wildly entertained. Oh he was evil. The guards were slipping and sliding over the remains of the produce on the ground.

Lucien, on the other side of the sea of people, gaped in shock. Recovering he scowled and said, "_Mathieu_." Oh that boy would be in trouble unlike any he'd been in before! The problem now was how to get through it all. He looked at the rooftops and smirked. Perfect. Easily he clambered up to them and raced along. He spotted Mathieu lying on his stomach with his chin in his hands as he watched from a roof. "Oh there you are," Lucien growled. He immediately raced towards the boy. Mathieu didn't know what hit him when Lucien covered his mouth and pulled him up. He turned and gasped, paling. Lucien wasn't happy. When Lucien wasn't happy, no one was happy, and especially not him.

"Um… it just started," Mathieu lamely lied when Lucien uncovered his mouth.

"Bellamont," Lucien growled.

"It wasn't me!" Mathieu defended. Lucien scoffed and took his arm, dragging him away from the fight.

"You're lucky I don't spank you," Lucien growled, but he'd never laid a finger on the boy. The child had had enough of such things under his birth father's iron hand; and those spankings hadn't been swats. They'd been full on beatings, belts and all, and then usually followed up by 'apologies' that had hurt the young one far more than the beatings could have ever hoped to. Lucien frowned at the memory. For the longest time Mathieu had been terrified whenever Lucien had said 'I'm sorry' for something or other. Until he finally accepted that the man who was raising him now would _never_ do what daddy had.

Playtime was over, Mathieu realized as he was being dragged alonr. He was _definitely_ going to be banished to his room. It turned out funny, though, because Lucien had banished Gogron to _his_ room _too_. Even though Gogron was an adult. "Five minutes, Gogron, five minutes without trying, and less," Lucien had said to the orc, and Gogron had paled, immediately knowing what Mathieu had spilled. Hence the reason they were playing a game through the wall as Ocheeva and Teinava guarded the doors.


	11. Suspicious, Bellamont?

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: After this chapter, members of the Black Hand start appearing less often, as soon things will get darker. There's only this chapter and I think one more before Mathieu hits his teens, and then things start to collapse.)

Suspicious, Bellamont?

Mathieu blinked blankly. What was happening here? Why was Lucien fawning over this woman he'd met in town? "Daddy," he said, pulling at Lucien's hand.

"Hush Mathieu," Lucien sharply warned.

"Papa!" Mathieu insisted.

"Mathieu, go play," Lucien replied. Mathieu started then frowned, glaring resentfully at the woman. She smiled at him. He stuck out his tongue. Lucien covered his mouth and dragged him to the side. Kneeling down in front of the boy, Lucien said, "Mathieu, enough. I won't have you behaving in such a way. Be cordial."

"As long as I don't have to be nice," Mathieu sneered, but he knew cordial meant respectful and kind, and Lucien knew that he knew.

"Mathieu Bellamont," Lucien warned. Mathieu harrumphed and looked down frowning.

Two Days Ago

"Come now Lachance, live a little," Gogron insisted.

"Life is not about petty pleasures," Lucien replied haughtily.

"Lachance, don't be so self-righteous," Ungolim insisted.

"_You_ I expected _more_ from, Ungolim," Lucien said. "And you two as well," he added, accusingly looking at Vicente and Banus, the latter of which had decided to come as well in order to take a break from his duties as a Speaker in his own sanctuary.

"Leave him be. He's all work no play," Banus good naturedly said to Ungolim and Gogron, half-heartedly standing up for his friend. "We'll see you tomorrow then, Lucien."

"Come on Lachance, it's just one night. Drinking, revelry, women. A man's night," Gogron pushed, ignoring Banus.

"I would prefer to remain in control of my own mind, thank you. I will not enslave it to those repulsive alcoholic drinks you so love," Lucien replied, folding his arms and icily glaring.

"Leave Lucien alone. Come now brothers, let us be off," Vicente said.

"You really don't know how to live, _do_ you Lucien?" Ungolim teased.

"I _am_ living my life," Lucien replied. "And I would appreciate it if you and Gogron stopped trying to give me to every woman you come across. I have more important commitments."

"Mathieu will be fine for one night. You don't even have to drink. Just sit there," Ungolim said.

"I have no intentions of drinking," Lucien shot sharply. However, the more he thought about a night out the more he realized it could be the perfect opportunity to scout out a recent contract. "Very well, I'll come," he finally relented. Ungolim and Gogron slapped him on the back, complimenting him for starting to loosen up. Meanwhile, Banus and Vicente exchanged knowing looks. There was one reason and one alone that their dear friend would have been swayed.

ES

Lucien stood against a pillar and scanned the area. Ungolim and Gogron were busy occupying themselves with women, both of the men in a drunken stupor as the woman hung all over them. Vicente and Banus stood near him, neither intoxicated but very much enjoying the attention they were receiving. Of course, after a while Vicente began fidgeting. Lucien and Banus exchanged smirks. He was thirsting. In a moment he would select a target, seduce her into a private place, and then gorge himself and return as if nothing had happened. Sure enough Vicente moved from the pillar without a word and went to a serving wench. He wrapped an arm around her and purred some sweet nothings into her ear that made her visibly tremble. The next moment they were gone. No one would hear a scream. Vicente had mastered nipping at necks as if playing with his targets. By the time they realized what he was really doing, it was usually too late.

"Well, _that_ was quick. Are you any faster Lucien?" Banus teased. Lucien snorted. He had no interest in any such thing. He was mentally checking his to do list. Mathieu was on a growth spurt and his clothing wasn't fitting as well anymore. He would have to purchase some new things for the boy. And where on Earth was the contract he was supposed to go after? A high ranking noble, he knew, surrounded by bodyguards, each one highly intelligent and highly skilled. Perhaps he would meet a guard here, if nothing else.

Banus blinked at Lucien's lack of response. "I could be," Lucien finally replied.

"Perhaps I should try my _own_ luck," Banus said.

Lucien chuckled affectionately and replied, "Using the proper words and actions you probably _could_."

"Shall I test it?" Banus asked, pointing out an attractive woman across the room.

"Go on. I'll be here to laugh at your misfortune or admire you, depending on the outcome," Lucien replied.

Banus smirked and started across the room. He snatched a drink and put on a clumsy act, falling into her and pinning her against a pillar. He put on a convincing blush and an embarrassed expression, stammered a bit pulling away, and attempted to apologize. The woman was charmed. Of course on the other hand this tavern wasn't known for its propriety, and the women were a step above harlots. Well, most of them were. Banus was kissing her in seconds. He could probably have gotten her into a bedroom, but he really couldn't be bothered. Lucien mentally clocked it. Approximately the same amount of time it had taken Vicente.

ES

Lucien scanned the room and spotted a woman against the back wall. She was dressed as a guard and was sneering at all the other women. He smirked. _There_ was one of the bodyguards he'd been seeking. He had to be wary. He had no doubts she would probably have a plan for any potential assassin. Judging by appearances she didn't have many lovers, so she would be suspicious of him. Of course he could be wrong. There were men out there who looked deeper than petty beauty. He was one of them. Still, there was risk involved, a lot of it, but all in the line of duty. He easily moved through the crowds, lightly pushing them out of the way. He soon enough reached her.

She looked curiously at him. He pretended to not notice. She had no way of guessing he'd been coming towards her. For all she knew he'd moved here to get away from the crowds. He spotted Gogron and Ungolim looking incredulously at him. Apparently they thought he had no standards, but Ungolim's eyes lit up in realization and he rolled his eyes hopelessly. Now he knew why Lucien had agreed to go. Gogron was still clueless, but he didn't really care. Lucien still wasn't happy with him.

"Busy night," she remarked to him. She was feeling him out, trying to see if he was a threat.

"I detest crowds," he replied, and every word was truth. He could not _express_ how much he hated crowds. They were perfect cover for assassinations, though. She chuckled.

"You aren't the only one," she murmured.

He smiled and summed her up. "I've seen you before," he said.

"I've been around," she answered.

He smiled and said, "I hope you continue to be just that. You are a welcome change from… well, these." She scoffed at the other women.

"Weak willed, all of them. They reek of desperation. I will warn you, though, that I am not like them," she said. "Not that many men are drawn to me."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," Lucien said, and right about now she was the most beautiful thing he'd seen _tonight_. After all, if he played this right he could have his contract done within the span of a week; minus the stalking that would probably bump it to two.

"Alas, if only that were so," she said. Now to strike.

ES

"You do not see yourself as pretty," Lucien remarked in amusement. "Lady, beauty means nothing. With time, beauty only fades. It can be useful in your youth, but beyond that it is worthless."

She shivered at his voice and words. Quickly looking away, she challenged, "You would know, _wouldn't_ you?" She was offhandedly flirting. Excellent. She didn't think it would get anywhere, but he would prove her wrong.

"Perhaps, but beauty never meant much to me," he answered, and honestly he spoke truth. Beauty promised nothing. It was empty. You weren't bound to one's beauty.

"If only all men were like that," she replied.

"What will it take to make you feel like a goddess again?" he asked in a whisper, and the woman's eyes widened. Visibly she trembled.

For a long moment she was silent. Finally she replied, "I told you I wasn't that easy." She _was_ intrigued and flattered, though, she had to admit to herself.

"Lady, if I had wanted you in my bed, I would have had you," he veritably purred, and both of them knew how true those words were, though she tried to hide it. "Come. Let us leave this place and go to the balcony." He offered his hand. After a moment she took it and went with him. He couldn't tell if she'd pinned him as an assassin or not, but it didn't matter. He would have the noble's head, and no plans of the bodyguards would stop it from happening.

Present

Lucien brought Mathieu back to the woman. "I apologize for my child's behavior. He doesn't like my attention to be diverted." Mathieu made a rude noise at Lucien with his tongue. "Strike two, Mathieu!" Lucien sharply shot.

Mathieu glared at the woman and shot, "I don't like you! Go away and never come back!"

Lucien sighed in exasperation. Now he'd have to give the boy another strike. "All right, you're banished to your room for the weekend young man," Lucien stated.

"I don't trust you. You're planning something. You're trying to take my papa away from me! I won't let you!" Mathieu accused.

Lucien inwardly cursed, realizing he'd walked right into Mathieu's little trap. Now the boy had nothing left to lose. "Mathieu!" Lucien shot.

"Mathieu, little one, I'm not trying to steal your daddy away from you," the woman said, smiling sweetly.

"Liar!" Mathieu shot.

"Mathieu, one more word and you'll be sent home!" Lucien shot.

"I don't care. At least you'll go away from _her_," Mathieu replied, sneering at the stranger. He knew Lucien wouldn't let him go home alone.

"Do _not_ make me take away your books," Lucien growled lowly. Mathieu looked afraid and immediately fell quiet. Lucien smirked. Apparently he hadn't lost _all_ his leverage.

ES

Mathieu sulked in his bedroom. Lucien was out with that woman again. Anger became sadness. He felt lonely. This wasn't fair! That woman was planning something, Mathieu just _knew_ it. He wished he could tell _what_. Wait… Lucien had gotten a contract to kill a high ranking noble. The man was always surrounded by guards. The boy's eyes widened. The woman must be a guard! But did Lucien know? Maybe, but then Lucien was trying to trick the woman into letting him get close. What if the woman knew what Lucien was trying to do, though? Lucien would figure it out, _wouldn't_ he? Mathieu shifted nervously. What if he _didn't_?

The boy slid off the bed and peeked out the door. M'Raaj-Dar was sleeping. Silently Mathieu slipped out. This required some investigating. As far as Lucien and the others would be concerned, he was still in his room. He'd set up pillows so it looked like he was sleeping. Quietly he slunk through the sanctuary and out into Cheydinhal, his dagger tucked neatly away in his robes just in case.

ES

Lucien been able to tell, by now, that the woman had told the noble about him. The noble had been suspicious, he deduced, because he knew full well that now there was some plan in action against him. She had been told to play her part, he realized, and while she was good at hiding things, she wasn't good _enough_. He saw guilt. She honestly did like him. Very much so, in fact. She wanted to believe in his innocence, but he sensed she would lead him into whatever trap had been set out for him. Lucien smirked inwardly. Let them try. It would be a challenge to fight off all the guards, but not undoable.

"Dear lady, what is on your mind?" he asked innocently.

"Hmm, oh, nothing," she replied. "I'm just… distracted."

"By what?" he asked in the whisper he knew she couldn't resist. He covered her hand with his own for extra measure.

She practically melted. "I'm afraid… that the other guards are suspicious of you. That… that they might hurt you," she admitted.

"Are _you_ suspicious of me?" he asked in an amused tone.

"No!" she quickly exclaimed. Looking down, though, she admitted, "Yes… I'm sorry."

"Suspicion has saved lives before, and ended them. It is not a bad thing to feel," he said. "I'm afraid I must take my leave of you now. My child is waiting. I need to have a talk with him. He is… not open to our arrangement."

"I suppose his loyalty would be to his deceased mother," she said.

Lucien was silent. Loyalty to his mother… Mathieu _did_ seem slightly obsessed with his dead mother, now that he thought about it. It didn't sit well with Lucien, but then Mathieu had been very young when she had been killed. Surely it was natural… Why was something warning him otherwise, then? After a long moment he replied, "Yes." Quickly he left.

ES

Mathieu watched Lucien leave. Now it was only the woman. She rose and went out. He followed in the shadows. She entered into a building and Mathieu quickly slipped in after her. He watched her approach a noble surrounded by guards, probably Lucien's contract. "You've returned," the noble greeted. "How did he seem?"

"There was nothing suspicious about him at all," she replied. "Except… except he didn't react when I told him of the suspicion surrounding him beyond saying that to have suspicion was a good thing."

"That in itself proves to me he is an assassin," the noble said.

"We can't know…" she began.

"My dear, do not let your heart blind you," the noble warned. "Tomorrow we act. Lead him down to the rocky cove nearby. When he doesn't expect it, we will strike."

"Only to capture him, right?" she asked.

"Unless he fights back," the noble said. She swallowed and nodded.

"I knew it," Mathieu whispered to himself. He had to warn Lucien! He turned only to find himself staring into the eyes of a snarling dog! He gasped. The dog lunged and grabbed his arm. He screamed in pain as the creature tore him out of hiding and into plain sight. It dragged him all the way to the noble and Mathieu found himself staring up into the contract's face, as well as all his guards.

"Mathieu!" the woman exclaimed.

"Who?" the noble asked.

"He-he is Lucien's son," she said, flustered.

"I _knew_ you were planning something! I _knew_ you were going to betray papa and take him away!" Mathieu accused, scowling at her and leaping up. He thought about drawing his dagger, but that would probably be a bad idea. The dog would maul him, most likely, or the adults would arrest him.

"A little spy. A pity you had to hear all of that. It means that now we can't let you leave. At least, not until we're through with your father," the noble said. Mathieu paled. The next thing he knew he was in a cage and being guarded by two of the guards and the snarling dog. And screaming to be let out; but that was irrelevant because they wouldn't listen to him. With _his_ luck he'd probably be used as _bait_. But he could warn Lucien still. They would see.

ES

"Has he been good?" Lucien asked M'Raaj-Dar.

"Haven't heard a peep. Probably sleeping," the Khajiit replied. Lucien nodded and went inside the room.

Quietly he went to the bed where the form lay. He sat on the side of the bed and said gently yet firmly, "Mathieu, I think we need to have a talk about the woman. I know that you do not approve of my relationship with her, but you must understand that it is key to my success in this contract. I cannot have you isolating her. I understand that it bothers you, so I promise that after the man is dead I will never see her again, if you so wish it. But do think things over." He was getting suspicious, however. There was too much of a lack in response; not even a movement.

Lucien pursed his lips. That was silly, he was here, wasn't he? "Mathieu?" Lucien icily asked, standing and grabbing the covers. Where else could he be, after all. M'Raaj-Dar had been guarding the door. The fact he'd had to awaken the Khajiit wasn't helping him be assured, though. Scowling he flung off the covers and gasped. Pillows! But how… His eyes lit up. Mathieu had been _spying_ on him! "Curse you to Oblivion, boy!" Lucien furiously exclaimed, racing out of the room. Mathieu was following _her_.

ES

She hurried to the door on hearing the knocking. She'd known it would only be a matter of time. She felt nervous, hand going to her blade. She opened the door and said, "Lucien, what's wrong?"

"Have you seen Mathieu?" Lucien demanded sharply, obviously not in the mood to play mind games with her.

"N-no," she stammered.

"Liar," he growled.

"I haven't seen him, I promise you that. But I can help you look," she offered.

"For the sake of that noble you so furiously guard, I pray he is unharmed," Lucien warned, predatorily advancing at her until she was against the wall with wide eyes. Turning, Lucien walked out. Quickly she followed.

ES

They were on a rocky part of the beach. He'd checked everywhere else but by the sea. Lucien's forehead worriedly creased. Unfortunately, he completely forgot about the trap he should have been watching out for. He also had overlooked the fact that it had technically been _her_ that led him here, not his own thoughts.

Mathieu could see Lucien coming from the perch his cage was on. The man expected him to call for help and lead Lucien here, but he wouldn't call for help. He'd call out a warning. Lucien didn't know this was a trap, he knew. He looked too preoccupied. Whether Lucien still tried to help or not after his warning wasn't his concern. His concern was letting the man know what was waiting. Lucien was coming nearer with the woman. Mathieu glanced at the noble. He wasn't watching. Mathieu turned back to look in the direction of Lucien and suddenly screamed, "Lucien, go back! It's a trap! There's twenty of them waiting!" The noble and guards looked at him in horror.

Lucien heard the cry and froze, paling. _Twenty_? He cursed under his breath. He could flee now, but what of Mathieu? He scowled and whipped out his dagger. A trap! _Now_? He cursed himself a thousand times for not seeing it. He heard her gasp from behind. She saw what he was. He charged ahead. He heard her scream something at him, probably a curse or an exclamation of dismay, and heard her draw her sword. She would be too late. A pity. He'd never wanted to kill her. He truly _had_ come to like her. Then again, sacrifices had to be made. For the Night Mother. Mathieu screamed and covered his eyes. Lucien was going to get slaughtered! He should be ecstatic, but all he felt was fear. Why fear? Why not happiness? He peeked. Lucien had downed five men already, but he was being swarmed by the others.

All at once two other figures raced around the bend. Mathieu's mouth dropped. Vicente and Banus, whose sanctuary was near here, he knew. Lucien had brought _them_ along _too_! They'd probably been following him at a distance, waiting for just this opportunity. They had reached Lucien in seconds and quickly the guards were falling. Lucien broke away, rushing the noble. The woman tried to stop him, but she stood no chance. "I'm sorry," he sincerely said to her, right before he cut her down. The noble was gone in an instant. He hadn't even had time to draw his sword.

ES

Banus climbed up to the ledge and handed the small, and very cramped, cage down. At least the threat to his jurisdiction was taken care of, he figured. Lucien took the cage and placed it on the ground. Vicente went to work on the lock. In seconds the boy was free again. Mathieu gladly tumbled out. "I told you so!" Mathieu said, glaring accusingly at Lucien.

"Child, I wasn't completely clueless," Lucien answered. "I knew there would be a trap. I just, didn't expect it to be so soon."

"Come now Lucien. Swallow that stubborn pride and say thank you," Vicente said.

Lucien grimaced bitterly but murmurred, "Thank you, child." Mathieu proudly beamed.

"All that aside, let's get away from here before the city guards appear," Banus said.


	12. Sickness

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: One more chapter after this where Mathieu's still little. Then he becomes a teenager. This chapter sort of wavers between funny and dark; depending on how you read it one more so than the other. I wrote it to be dark, but not everyone may read it like that. Also, with Vicente I touched a little more on the traditional vampire of folklore instead of relying solely on Skyrim and Oblivion's take on vampires. I will probably put another chapter up today as well.)

Sickness

Lucien worriedly sat with the little boy in front of the fire. Mathieu was cuddling close. Lucien gently supported the child's head with his hand. His other hand was around the child's back, gently rubbing it. The little one was whimpering again. Lucien glanced down and pressed his lips to the boy's forehead. He remembered his own mother doing such a thing to check for a temperature. His hands were otherwise occupied cradling the young boy. Mathieu's fever was even worse than before.

Lucien frowned, partly annoyed at the inconvenience. He could be doing so many other things now, but none of them were currently on his mind. How long had this sickness been developing? The first sign of something going wrong was when the child ceased being able to have proper bowel movements. The boy hadn't gone once for two days now. He'd begun coughing two nights ago, he'd been getting chills that next morning and throwing up, and now he sported a burning fever and still hadn't expelled anything.

"How is he?" Telaendril questioned, entering.

"Worse. Has anyone found a remedy yet?" Lucien asked.

"Thankfully; but I don't think you'll like it," she answered.

"What do you mean?" Lucien asked.

"The medicine for the fever will he hard enough to force down his throat, but for the bowel movements… Let's just say the method of administering it isn't oral," she replied.

Lucien started. Oh gods, that would be a nightmare; _especially_ given the boy's past. For the first long while after Lucien had brought him into the sanctuary, Mathieu had been wild. He never let anyone touch him but Lucien, and then only when he was scared or miserable. He would flail and punch and kick and scream and slice at anyone who came near him or into his room. During tantrums he would weep hysterically or hurt himself. Once in a while those traits still came back. Hardly ever could anyone hold him down if he was acting up. Lucien was lucky if _he_ were able to without the boy weeping and looking terrified or hurt at the action. He swallowed painfully. Gods, it killed him to watch the boy in those moments, but mental scars ran deep. So, so deep.

"Find a better way," he ordered simply.

"We're trying Lucien, but he can't go on like this much longer," Telaendril said. Lucien pursed his lips. Just his luck. She left and Lucien focused his attentions back on the boy.

ES

Mathieu began to stir. Lucien started out of sleep. He must have drifted off at some point after Telaendril left. He looked down at the child. "Daddy, I don't feel well," Mathieu said, hugging his dragon tightly.

"There, there. It will pass. The medicine will help," Lucien replied.

"I don't like medicine," Mathieu protested, eyes immediately hardening. Lucien inwardly groaned. The boy had been in a foul and violent temper lately, and it had intensified with this sickness. The child had been punching holes into things during temper tantrums, even hitting the other members of the Brotherhood. Sometimes hard enough to leave bruises. He'd actually broken Fafnir's nose, to the horror of everyone. It had taken three of them to restrain him from going wild, and that was _with_ Gogron's help. This would quickly become a battle ground if the boy refused to cooperate.

"Do you like being sick?" Lucien cautiously asked.

"I don't want medicine and I don't want to be sick!" Mathieu yelled.

"You cannot have both, child," Lucien calmly replied, trying to bring him down from a hysterical outburst. "Choose one or the other."

"No!" Mathieu protested. He whimpered right after. His stomach hurt. He wanted to go to the bathroom but couldn't. He refused to take the medicine, though, he _did_!

"Don't make me choose _for_ you," Lucien warned.

Mathieu was silent. Finally he said, "Fine."

Lucien started. Could he really be that lucky? Suspicion darkened his eyes. Perhaps, but he doubted it. He put the boy down and took his hand firmly and tightly. His suspicion grew when Mathieu tested to see how hard his grip was. He tightened his hold, to Mathieu's obvious annoyance, and brought him to where he knew Ocheeva would be waiting to administer the medicine.

ES

"He came?" Ocheeva asked in shock, seeing Lucien with Mathieu. Mathieu summed up the situation. Ocheeva was there. So was Gogron and Vicente this time, and M'Raaj-Dar, and Teinaava. Pretty much the whole sanctuary. Let them try it.

"For now," Lucien replied.

"All right then. Mathieu, this medicine is going to help you. It may not taste very good, but it will make your fever and tummy aches go away," Ocheeva gently said, kneeling down with a long tube filled with a liquid. Mathieu whimpered and drew close to Lucien, tears in his eyes. Lucien shivered to think on what mental scar could possibly be coming to the child's mind as he looked at the vial. "Now, come and…" she began.

Too late. He'd jerked free of Lucien in a heartbeat and bolted. They all blinked in shock, trying to comprehend what just happened. Shaking out of it, Teinaava exclaimed, "After him!" Immediately everyone separated to hunt down the boy. The skeleton guarded the exit to the sanctuary as ordered, because the boy was still terrified out of his mind of the undead. Mathieu would never try to pass it to escape.

"Mathieu! Come out now little one," Antoinetta cooed softly. Mathieu liked her well enough. She was one of the youngest in this sanctuary so Mathieu could relate to her.

Mathieu watched from his little hiding nook. They would never find him here. _Never_. And he wouldn't go out, no matter what. They wouldn't make him take the medicine. He didn't like medicine. It was gross and usually ended up burning when it went down his throat. "Mathieu!" he heard Telaendril call out soon after Antoinetta was gone. Not a chance.

Just then he heard a squeak and looked around. There hung a bat, watching him curiously. A bat? When did they get bats here? Wait… Vampire! He gasped in horror. Too late. The bat suddenly transformed and the Vicente grabbed him. He screamed but was too startled to struggle. Vicente dragged him out from under the bed roughly and made sure his arms were held fast. Mathieu began shrieking and screaming and kicking and throwing his head back. Vicente was struggling. Intantly Telaendril was there, holding his legs fast. He still tossed his head and body.

"Little help here!" Telaendril called.

"On it!" Gogron replied, seizing the boy's body, but Mathieu was still twisting and turning and shrieking and giving them all headaches, if nothing else. Soon enough Antoinetta appeared and held his head still so he wouldn't hurt himself.

"Let go, let go, let go!" he screamed viciously. "Help, help, perverts, kidnappers!" he screamed, though he knew full well it would do nothing. They were no such things, after all.

ES

The rest of the sanctuary appeared and watched in disbelief as Mathieu was struggling free of the four holding him. "Child, calm yourself. It won't hurt," Ocheeva begged. Teinaava took the vial and went to him. Mathieu would have none of it. He savagely bit Teinaava. The Argonian man screamed in pain, trying to pull away.

"Got it!" M'Raaj-Dar said. He pulled out a spell and zapped Mathieu with it. It made Mathieu let go. Teinaava staggered back, arm badly bleeding.

"Such a fuss from a child," Teinaava said in disbelief as he quickly bound the wound.

"Give me that vial," Fafnir ordered. About time he got revenge on the boy for breaking his nose. He snatched the beaker and went to Mathieu. He roughly pulled open his mouth and poured the medicine in. Mathieu tried to spit it out, but Fafnir forced his mouth shut and plugged his nose. Mathieu would have to swallow to be able to breathe again. Lucien cringed at the action but did nothing. It was in the boy's best interests. Mathieu was stubborn, though. He was going slightly blue and beginning to seriously worry even an angry and vengeful Fafnir before he finally relented and swallowed. Fafnir immediately let him breathe again.

"See, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Antoinetta softly said, hoping to calm the boy.

Mathieu burst into tears and said, "It burns going down my throat and its gross and I hate you all! I hate you!"

"You're going to hate us even more before this hour's done," M'Raaj-Dar said, dreading this next medication they had to give. "There's one more medicine we have to give you. It will help you go to the bathroom, but it can't be swallowed."

ES

The Khajiit pulled out an icicle shaped object and Mathieu's eyes widened in horror. As if he hadn't humiliated enough! "No! No! Lucien, daddy, help me! I don't want to, I don't want to! Please, please, don't make me! Daddy, daddy! Mommy, help me, mommy, mommy, mommy!" he shrieked in terror.

His sobs became hysterical and Lucien swallowed, shifting uncertainly. He wanted the boy's terror and pain to end. He knew full well all the thoughts that were racing through the child's head, all the memories and horrors and suffering he'd gone through at the hands of his father, revellers, the bandits. The experience was bringing it all up again, and this time he could do nothing. Mathieu needed the medicine.

Now the boy was throwing himself almost out of the hands of the four holding him already. He would escape in moments. Immediately the other members converged, albeit reluctantly. It would take all of them to hold him down for this one. They finally managed to get him on the bed and hold him there, each one of them feeling worse and worse. Feeling guilty as sin they managed to get him into position. "Lucien, take it and administer it," Ocheeva ordered.

Lucien froze and looked sharply at her. "No!" he answered immediately, for to do such a thing… The child would be thrust back into that dark time, he knew. His father would again be having his way with him. The child would see and know nothing else. It wouldn't be medicine, it wouldn't be helping him, it would be, well… And Lucien knew that if he did as Ocheeva asked, he would be put in that man's place. The one who had sworn to protect him, who had promised him that his father would nevermore hurt him, would be the one doing what Mathieu would consider the same thing.

"Lucien, we can't keep this up," Teinaava insisted.

"No, no, Lucien, please, please! Don't hurt me daddy, don't hurt me!" Mathieu was screaming, and Lucien was horrified. "I'm sorry papa, I'll be good, I swear! Stop it! Enough!" Lucien rose and turned his back, walking away before he could be pressed into doing it. "No, don't leave me daddy! Papa, Lucien, don't leave me!" Mathieu shrieked. Lucien paused. He couldn't stay, he couldn't go. Helplessly he looked from Mathieu to freedom. He wanted to avoid the problem, to run away from it and let the others deal with it. But he couldn't…

Slowly he came back. Mathieu was looking up at him in fear and horror. Vicente saw how painful and hard it was. He pursed his lips then grabbed the boy's head and buried it in the bed as Mathieu screamed and began struggling even more. At least now Mathieu would never know who inserted the medication. Lucien gave Vicente a grateful look. The child was shrieking louder than ever and struggling. They could barely hold him down. It had to be done now, or he would escape and not even the undead creature guarding the door would stop him from fleeing the sanctuary

Lucien felt tears in his eyes then looked down. He took the medication and knelt. Softly he took the boys hand and whispered soothingly, "I promise you, your father will never hurt you again. Not while I live and breathe. I will not promise no one will ever harm you, I am not a divine, but I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. Know, child, that this is not what your father did to you. No one here will ever do such a thing to you. I know it will hurt, I know you will have so many memories dragged up that you never wanted to face again, but it will end soon. Squeeze my hand as tightly as you can if you need to."

The others marvelled at how the boy stopped screaming and only whimpered in fear, body shaking. But he wasn't trying to escape anymore. He was bracing himself, as he must have done so often before when he was his father's play thing. In a moment it was done, and Mathieu screamed in pain then burst into helpless tears, squeezing Lucien's hand so tightly it made the man cringe. Lucien pulled him close and held him securely.

"That's my boy. That's my boy," he praised.

(A/N: There is a such medication in real life. I remember it all too well, and I couldn't have been more than a toddler then.)


	13. Don't Leave Mommy, Don't Leave Me

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: Second up today, and this one is dark, plain and simple. In fact, from here on it's dark, with few hints of comedy if any. After this chapter we hit teenage Mathieu, and the downward spiral, this chapter being the beginning of the end.)

Don't Leave Mommy, Don't Leave Me

**Entry 3: **_Mommy, mommy, as you lie, the dark man comes and makes you die. My daddy's hands are red with guilt because he killed the life we built._

ES

He was walking down a dark path. A dark path? But how had he gotten here? Where was here? Why was he all alone? He was scared. Where was Lucien? He wanted _Lucien_. "Mathieu," a ghostly voice called suddenly, and he froze.

"Who's there?" he demanded.

"You don't remember me," the voice said, and the tone was so sad, so hurt, that he felt like crying because he knew he _should_ remember. "My child, my little boy, how could you have so easily forgotten? How could you turn your back on me and love my murderer? Why is it him for whom you long, to whom you call out, now? Have I truly come to mean nothing anymore?"

Mathieu went white. Suddenly grief overtook his features. "Mommy?" he asked, and his voice cracked sadly.

"You have come to love my executioner; more than me," she said.

"No, no mommy, I haven't, I haven't! I love you mommy, I love you! I hate Lucien, I hate him, I hate him!" Mathieu insisted, running towards the voice.

"You lie," she replied. "You lie, and now I must leave you."

"No, no! Mommy, don't go, don't go! Stay! Stay, please! Mommy, _please_!" Mathieu screeched. "Don't leave me mommy! Don't abandon me like everyone else!" he begged, now sobbing hysterically. But not everyone else _had_ abandoned him. Lucien was still there, always there. No, no, no, no, no! He didn't _want_ Lucien Lachance! He didn't love Lachance! He _hated_ him! He wanted him to die! He wanted to kill him! He'd taken mommy away!

"Farewell, treacherous child," she mournfully cooed.

"Mommy, mommy, mommy! Don't leave me, please, please, please! I want you back mommy! I need you!" he shrieked, falling to the ground and sobbing helplessly. Why wouldn't she come? Why wouldn't his mommy come comfort her baby? How could his mommy turn her back on him like this? Lucien… it was all _Lucien's_ fault! Lachance had made him love him! He'd tried to hate Lucien, but Lucien didn't let him. Lucien never let him! "Mommy!" he screamed again as everything faded away.

ES

Someone was shaking him and calling his name. "Mathieu, Mathieu, wake up! Please, child, wake up!" the voice was pleading.

He jerked awake and realized he'd been sobbing and screaming in his sleep. He eyes fell on Lucien and became anguished. "Let me go! I hate you! Murderer, liar!" he screeched, viciously shoving Lucien hard enough to make the man stumble back in shock. Mathieu leapt up and bolted.

"Mathieu!" Lucien cried, leaping up from the ground on which they'd camped on the way to a contract Mathieu had wanted to come with him on. He immediately raced after the boy.

He caught up quickly enough, but Mathieu struggled desperately in his arms. "Let me go, let me go!" Mathieu screamed. He began shrieking loudly, hoping someone would come and save him. Save him from what, though? Lucien would never ever hurt him.

"Mathieu, son, please," Lucien begged, holding him tightly.

Mathieu spun, giving up trying to escape, and began hitting Lucien as hard as he could. Lucien hissed in pain but didn't cry out, only held him all the closer. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! I want you to die, Lucien, I want you to die!" he screamed, struggling again. He knew every word was cutting Lucien like a knife. Good, he deserved it! If he could get his dagger words wouldn't be the only things cutting the man. He sobbed and finally collapsed into his arms, screaming, "I want to die!" Lucien caught his breath and Mathieu cursed himself. I want to die? He hadn't meant to say that… _had_ he? The thought scared him more than anything; except losing mommy's voice forever.

ES

Lucien paled. What had he just heard? The boy… the little boy had just said he wanted to die… The words cut deeply into his heart and soul, more so than anything ever had before. He wanted to speak, but he sensed Mathieu didn't want to hear. Instead Lucien sobbed and held the shivering and shaking boy tighter. "Oh gods," he breathed.

"Don't leave me daddy, don't leave me! Please, please, don't hate me!" Mathieu screamed at Lucien. Why was he saying daddy? He wanted _mommy_! "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't want to die, I don't want you to die! I _don't_! Don't cry daddy, oh please don't cry. Stay with me daddy, stay, _please_! Don't abandon me!" But he wanted Lucien to die, he did, he did! He hated Lucien, he _hated_ him! "I need you daddy, I need you!" he screeched.

"I will never leave you. I will never abandon you," Lucien vowed, now holding him so tightly that Mathieu could hardly breathe, could hardly move, and he never wanted to stop crying and he never wanted daddy to let him go. "I swear to every immortal being that exists that I will _never_ hate you or leave you or abandon you."

Leave me, Lachance! Abandon me! Kill me! I don't want to live! No… no… First… first you have to die… First I have to kill you. You and the Brotherhood and the Night Mother; and then _I_ can die _too_. _Then_ you'll abandon me, I _know_ you will. You will leave me for nothing and I'll laugh and cry because I'll have been right, and you'll be no different than anyone else. Only mommy will love me, but… but mommy left… But that was just a dream, mommy wouldn't leave, she wouldn't! She wouldn't…

ES

There had been silence the rest of the trip. Lucien never let go of his hand one time. He held it firmly, tightly, loving and afraid. Mathieu walked along, feet dragging and head held low. What had prompted that outburst? He still didn't know. He sniffed and blinked his big bright eyes up at Lucien. He wanted comfort. Lucien picked him up and held him close to his heart as the boy began to silently cry into his chest. Gently Lucien rocked him.

They found their target and Lucien let Mathieu go after the man alone while he watched and observed. His mind was whirling. What had the boy dreamt? What nightmare had brought on such a state of madness and panic? Did he ever want to _know_? It didn't take a genius to discern parts of it. Someone had abandoned him in it, left him behind, and someone he'd loved dearly. More than anyone else. He didn't believe it was him because Mathieu had been shrieking curses at him. Murderer, liar… The child's mother… His brow knit in confusion. But why… why would the woman leave her baby behind, even in a dream? He had no more time to think on it. Mathieu was racing towards him. They had to get away before the guards found the body.

ES

They looked out over the view from the top of the fort. Mathieu looked miserable, distant, lost in his own world. His eyes were dull as if he were in a daze. It frightened Lucien. It frightened him so, so much. Lucien gently put a hand on the boy's shoulder and Mathieu seemed to snap out of it. He blinked up at Lucien blankly then looked down. Lucien sat down and leaned back on the roof. Mathieu perched next to him looking away, knees drawn up.

Lucien watched sadly. Sadness changed, though, and he smiled softly as he gazed lovingly at the young boy. "I'm so _proud_ of you," he said gently.

Mathieu sniffed, drawing his dagger and gazing at it ponderously. "Thank you sir," he remarked. He watched the blade glisten beneath the moonlight. Now, do it now. Kill him. Kill him while he is unprepared, while there are no witnesses. Kill him…

"You did well," Lucien complimented, unaware of the danger he was in as the boy's grip on the blade tightened. Just like it often did when he was prepared to stab to kill then run without the risk of losing the blade in the victim's body.

"Thank you Lucien… papa… You taught me everything I know," Mathieu answered, tightly closing his eyes as inwardly he fought and struggled between the part that told him to kill and the part that told him to let it all go and move on with his life while he still had a chance. A chance? Did he _have_ a chance? If he let this all go, if he accepted nothing would… would bring her back. If he moved on and accepted it, would he still have a chance? But gods, to serve the very deity who'd taken her from him… To serve the Night Mother—by what right did she dare to title herself a mother?—it would kill him.

And Lucien… Lucien was the best of the best; the most respected and skilled member of the Brotherhood. To take him out… But no… no, he didn't want to. He didn't want Lucien to die. But how he wished Lucien would kill _him_. He sniffed and tucked the dagger away. Not now… not now. His thoughts frightened him. These were not the thoughts of a child, of a sane person. He crawled over to Lucien and onto his lap, cuddling close. Lucien, curious at the action, accepted him and held him tightly back. Maybe Lucien would chase away the madness. Maybe Lucien would save him from himself. Lucien, take it away. Take away the voices and everything that's telling me to kill and maim and murder. Make it stop… Make it stop. He sniffed and fell asleep, lulled by the gentle song Lucien was singing to him; his own special lullaby that Lucien had always sung to him once.


	14. Confusion

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: At this point in time Mathieu is somewhere around 16, or possibly 18. In Oblivion he couldn't have been very old at the time of his death. Lucien was an adult when he killed Mathieu's mother, and Mathieu was probably still a toddler at the time. Seeing as Lucien certainly wasn't beyond his thirties in Oblivion, Mathieu couldn't have been much older than 16 or 18 by the end of the Dark Brotherhood quest line. There will be another chapter posted today as well.)

Confusion

**Entry 4**_**: **__I __**hate**__ it! All this lying, all this pretending! Sithis and the Five Tenets be __**damned**__! How long do I have to live by their rules? How long before I get my chance? I saw Lucien Lachance yesterday. He was in the Sanctuary talking with Ocheeva. He was right __**there**__! So close I could have severed his spine in less than a heartbeat! Oh mother, never before have I had to exercise such self-control. What's sickeningly ironic is that it was the Dark Brotherhood's discipline that allowed me to restrain myself. I've been a part of their "family" for so long it's a part of me, whether I like it or not. And in all that time I've fooled them all. They see me as a fellow member of the Brotherhood, a trusted family member. Someday soon I will learn the truth about the night Mother, and when I do, I will use that trust to get close to her. Close enough so that I may rend the head from her body, just as Lucien Lachance did to you so long ago!_

ES

Years passed. The child had now become a teenager. He was studious, inquisitive, resourceful, intelligent, skilled beyond belief… and all the darker. Rebellion was becoming more pronounced now, but he was level headed and calm. He didn't lose his temper often, but when he did it was bad. Enough so that the others avoided him like the plague or hid themselves. He was sparring with Vicente at the moment. With a few swift moves and deft cuts he put his opponent down with ease. The vampire was awed.

"By Sithis. Mathieu, you have exceeded all expectations," Vicente praised the youth. Mathieu smirked, only half in the fight. His mind was elsewhere, at the moment. "You have defeated even Ungolim in our scraps. Is there anyone in all the sanctuaries that you have not conquered?"

"You know the answer, Vicente," Mathieu replied. There was one; and he was the one he would have given anything _to_ beat. "Lucien remains the master. I am lucky to get in _two_ hits let alone the five required to win."

Vicente smiled affectionately at the young man. He had grown to be a beautiful youth. Quiet, mostly respectful, yet so very mysterious. He kept to himself. Bellamont preferred his books and writing to almost anything else. Except, for some reason, visiting Anvil Lighthouse on a regular basis and at all hours of the night. The Lighthouse Keeper was like a grandfather to him, in a way. He assumed that was why. When the boy got rebellious, the Lighthouse was where he went to cool down. It had put Lucien on edge the first few times the boy had left without a trace, but after some time they'd all gotten used to his comings and goings. He was rather unpredictable, really.

"Come child, Lucien Lachance will be here today. We'd better clean ourselves up," Vicente said. Mathieu smiled, eyes lighting excitedly as they often did when Lucien was coming. Of course, over time they'd become less excited, more cold. Again, easily explained away Vicente reasoned. All teenagers went through a rebellious stage; and seeing as Lucien had raised the boy from early childhood on, he was the butt end of it. There wasn't much peace for long when Lucien came to visit. For a time it would all be well and dandy, but then the explosion would come. More and more often the two were arguing. It slightly worried Vicente how strained the relationship between the two was becoming. Lucien disliked arguing with the boy, but his friend was stubborn. He always came out of the room they'd been fighting in looking exasperated and furious, sometimes hopeless and annoyed. The boy always left looking ready to murder someone, and there was no doubt on Vicente's mind that that someone was Lucien. Vicente shook his head. They usually made up, somehow, but still.

ES

Mathieu stood in the basement of Anvil Lighthouse gazing blankly at the head upon the shrine. When had he built this shrine to his mother again? He couldn't remember. He shivered. What had _possessed_ him to build it? Why was he here _now_? He nearly scoffed. He knew why, but to accept it… the thought frightened him more than anything, and so he would fight it. Madness… he felt it coming upon him. Madness and insanity, and somehow he knew it had been brewing since that fateful night when… He felt tears in his eyes and closed them tightly. He knelt before the shrine and said, "Mother, I'm afraid…"

"Child, what frightens you?" her voice asked back; but was she really speaking, or was it just his own head playing tricks? He didn't know anymore. In childhood it had been real, but now… now he _knew_ it was impossible. He _knew_ it. Then again, his logic was beginning to fade, he realized. His thoughts were descending into darkness. He tried to fight it. He whimpered. He didn't like the darkness, he didn't! He couldn't fight the darkness, he couldn't reason with the darkness.

"Mommy, mommy, make it stop," he begged, and his voice cracked like a… like a child's.

"My darling, there is nothing to stop," she replied.

"Yes there is! There _is_! I don't want the darkness, I don't! I want to be normal again. I don't want to be insane, please mommy, please, don't let me go insane," he pled desperately, sobbing now. He wasn't aware it was already too late. The darkness had already taken him.

From the doorway the old man of the Lighthouse watched gravely. He'd watched for years as the boy sank deeper and deeper into the abyss that was his mind. He'd tried to save the child. He'd tried so hard. He'd prayed to every deity he knew of, even to the daedra whom he despised… Nothing… He shivered. The immortals had long ago turned their backs on the youth, and the old man knew… His fate was sealed, and no matter how hard he fought it, Mathieu would never win. He knew he should tell Lucien. He needed to tell Lucien, to warn him, because he heard the boy's ramblings, the treacherous thoughts and the arguments he had with the dead woman's head. But he didn't want Mathieu to be hurt, or killed… He'd tried to get the boy help, but no one would have anything to do with him. So the old man watched helplessly. Yes… he would tell Lucien. He had to. This… this was too big to hide anymore, though it pained him. The problem now was finding some way to contact the man.

ES

Mathieu rode on a horse up to the abandoned house. He slipped off and went inside quickly. Lucien would be there soon. He might already be there. Oh gods, he felt so tired, so drained. What had happened again? Oh yes… Mommy had talked to him. Mommy told him what she wanted him to do, and he felt anger building up, unbridled hatred. She had told him again of how Lucien had killed her. In graphic detail he'd been forced to watch it over and over and over until he was screaming and the Lighthouse Man was shaking him desperately. The old man had slapped him and Mathieu had nearly lost it on him, but then he stopped… The darkness was gone and he could think again. All he felt was hatred and anger, though. He scowled on hearing Lucien's voice. Strange. Before he went to the lighthouse he'd been excited to see Lucien again. Oh well. Time to go meet him.

ES

Mathieu gazed at the man's turned back. Inside he quaked with fury, hatred, and desperation. In fact, he was quaking outside as well, fingers longing to grab out a sword or dagger. The darkness was back. It was back and louder than he'd heard it for a long time. Oh how much longer did he have to wait, to suffer? With one move he could sever Lucien's spine. It would be so, so easy. Oh his hand ached to take out the blade. Soon mother soon. Don't worry mommy. I'll avenge you, I will. _Then_ you'll love me again, _won't_ you? It was taking all his restraint to keep back from killing, all the discipline and training this hateful faction had instilled in him, to keep from attacking. Oh to see the man's blood on the ground, spilled by his dagger's deft cut…

He started out of the daze, though, and looked suddenly miserable and sick. His dagger… The dagger that Lucien had once given him so long ago. It was a present… Lucien gave it to him because he'd loved him once upon a time. Mathieu looked miserably down and held his stomach. Gods, he felt so ill. Why didn't Lucien love him anymore? No, no, he was sounding like a child again. He wouldn't fall into that mindset. Not now. Lucien still loved him, he knew this. And it would make it all the easier…. No! No he didn't want to! He didn't want it to be easy. Oh immortals, he wanted to die… "Mathieu, are you all right?" Ocheeva asked.

Mathieu looked forlornly up. "I-I don't feel well," he answered.

Concern came to Lucien's eyes and Mathieu swallowed dryly. This man had raised him, had loved him, _still_ loved him… So why did everything inside of him scream to kill Lachance? He didn't want to. He didn't want to… Lucien's hand was gently on his forehead. Oh gods, he wanted to die. He wanted to die because Lucien had made him love him, but what the man had done to his mother… No, no, no love. No more love. Oh why couldn't he hate him? Why, why, why? No, he _did_ hate him. He did… he did… This wasn't his father… This wasn't his father…He felt tears in his eyes and Lucien's concern grew.

"You're feverish, my son. You need to lie down," Lucien gently said. Mathieu weakly nodded. Lucien pulled him close and gave him a brief hug, and Mathieu was no longer certain if he hated _himself_ more, or Lucien. He wanted to sob, but he wouldn't. Not this time. Mathieu forced a smile and walked quickly away. He didn't want Lucien to die… He didn't want Lucien to die… But his mother… His mother was begging him, pleading with him. Avenge me my child, avenge me. No… no, I am not your child. Not anymore. _He_ is my father and you… you are gone. Do you despise me so, my son? No! No mommy, no, I don't hate you I don't! But I don't… I don't want to. Kill him, kill him, kill him. Mathieu sobbed and slammed the door to his room, sinking down against the wall. He tried to occupy his mind elsewhere. He'd heard something about a new assassin coming into the Brotherhood soon. Another poor misguided soul. He scoffed then rose and went to his bed, lying down.

ES

Lucien entered after a time, and silently he went towards the bed. Mathieu pretended to be asleep. He couldn't deal with it now. Lucien sat on the bedside and gently brushed some bangs off of the boy's forehead. He felt it again and pursed his lips. If anything the boy had gotten warmer. "Mathieu, wake up," he prompted. Mathieu groaned in protest. Lucien smirked. "Come now, child. I have some medicine for you."

Mathieu opened an eye and answered, "I hate medicine."

Lucien chuckled and replied, "It has no taste this time, I promise. And it won't burn either." Mathieu grimaced, but he felt like throwing up. Lucien had never broken a promise to him, right? Moaning he took the vial, drank from it, and sighed, laying back down. "You've heard another member will be coming to join our family?" Lucien asked.

"Yes father," Mathieu replied.

"I want you to show her how things are done," Lucien said.

"Her?" Mathieu asked, suddenly interested.

Lucien smirked, saying, "She's a young woman, around your age. I think you'll like her."

"What's her name dad?" Mathieu wondered.

"Maria," Lucien replied. He ruffled Mathieu's hair then kissed his head lightly. With that he rose and left. Mathieu blinked. Well, _this_ could help him bide the time.


	15. Maria

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: Second up today. I wouldn't call this chapter dark, more neutral in not light. The story needs bits of comic relief, after all, but if I recall correctly, this is the last one.)

Maria

Mathieu stood with Lucien, waiting for his new dark sister to arrive. The Black Door was opening. He cocked his head curiously. Then in she came, graceful and elegant and… and beautiful! His mouth dropped wide as he gawked at her. He honestly hadn't been expecting much. Certainly not… not _this_. "Maria, welcome to Cheydinhal Sanctuary," Lucien said to her.

"Thank you, Speaker," she replied, and her eyes fell on Mathieu. He felt like melting. She tilted her head, eyes lighting up in intrigue. "Young boy, what is your name?" she asked curiously.

He could hardly squeak. He tried to talk but his voice wouldn't work. He managed to shut it, then tried to open it again, but then closed it. He shook his head and drew back behind Lucien. He could practically feel the sick amusement that Lucien was taking from this pathetic humiliation. As Lucien pushed him ahead to face her, though he desperately tried to resist and even whimpered once and blushed at the noise, the Speaker said, "This is Mathieu Bellamont. He will be the one to get you acquainted with your new home, and your family."

"I look forward to it," she replied, winking slyly at him.

He gaped then finally gasped, "You are like an unholy vision. So beautiful." He bit his tongue savagely. Oh gods, what had he just admitted? He cursed Lucien a thousand times when the man began to walk away, but at the same time he turned and mouthed an unbelievably grateful thank you to him. Lucien chuckled and left.

Maria linked her arm through his and said, "No one has ever said such a thing to me before. It's always been… well, thank you; for making me feel beautiful."

"Anyone who told you otherwise deserves death," he found himself saying to her.

"How do you think I came to be here? He… I was his play thing, his whore, and finally I was through with him…" she replied softly, and pity and understanding came to his eyes. A plaything… He knew that feeling all too well. He shuddered at the memory and her eyes lit up in realization. She gasped and began, "You…"

"Don't," he pled. "Just… don't. Come Maria, I will show you around." She wanted to say more, but he didn't want to hear it. A sharp look told her not to pursue the matter, and she nodded in agreement.

ES

Maria laughed at something Gogron had said. She liked this place more and more. She'd never felt like she had a family since she was a little girl. Mathieu smiled from the side. He liked her laugh. He believed he'd like to hear it quite often. She grinned at him and he blushed, quickly looking away. She smiled softly and went to him. "Anything else?" she asked.

Mathieu smiled and shook his head, saying, "I've shown you the whole sanctuary. You've met all our Dark Siblings. Now, why don't you get settled?"

"I believe I will. Is your father still here?" she asked.

"Lucien? Lucien Lachance isn't the boy's blood father," Gogron remarked, overhearing her remark.

"He _isn't_?" she asked, genuinely surprised. She'd never heard Lucien's last name until Gogron had said it just now. "I just assumed…" she began.

"Everyone does," Mathieu cut off. "The man raised me, provided for me, protected me. In all senses of the word he is my father."

"Then why do you sound so unsure?" she wondered curiously.

He stiffened, freezing. He shot her an angry look then said, "Settle yourself. I have things to do." Quickly he left before she could have an opportunity to question further.

Mathieu cursed under his breath, slamming the door of his bedroom and locking it. "Why do you sound so unsure?" he quoted in a snide tone. But it wasn't her he was angry with. He was angry because it was the question he so often asked _himself_. It had no answer. Looking suddenly sad he answered aloud, "Because he took away the one I loved most." Lucien had taken away his mother and left him in the clutches of his father. His father took everything he had left, his childhood, his innocence, his trust, his love… Because Lucien had left, from that moment on the little boy's life had been systematically ripped apart and burned in front of his eyes, and he'd been powerless… Until he'd slaughtered his father and Lucien had returned, he'd been powerless.

ES

"Mathieu," a voice called through the door timidly.

He started. Maria. He noted, then, that he'd been silently weeping. He wiped the tears away and stood up. He opened the door and said before she could even speak, "I am sorry for the way I acted. My life has… not been easy to analyze or predict. It wasn't your fault. It isn't anyone's. Only… only dad and I know the reasons."

"By dad you mean…" she began.

He smirked and answered, "This time I mean Lucien."

She smiled softly then frowned. Her eyes became worried and gently her hand went to his cheek. "You have been weeping, Executioner," she remarked.

Oh how he hated that title. He hated all the Brotherhood's titles. But from her lips he believed he could accept it, for she made it sound so… so… he couldn't describe it. "Have I? Hmm," he replied, looking away from her.

"Young boy, what kind of life have you lived?" she asked.

"When the day comes that you tell me your own answer to that question, I may tell you mine," he replied, and she grew all the more impressed.

He was intelligent, mysterious, dark, alluring, and deeply haunted. He wasn't one most would put their trust in. She fully believed that if anything she should be wary of him, for he seemed indifferent, distracted, something about him was simply wrong. Yet she found she trusted him. More than any man she had before. "So be it," she agreed, smiling. "Forgive me if I say things that offend you, my brother. I have never been good at guarding my tongue." He nodded. She blushed and looked down. "G-Goodnight Mathieu." Quickly she walked away leaving him amused. It was quite a reaction to see in a girl, and he very much approved of the feelings he was getting inside, whatever those could be. Something told him he knew, but he blocked it out anyway.

"Goodnight Maria," he said right before she was out of hearing range, in the amused, welcoming, and assuring tone he'd often heard Lucien use. She looked sharply back and, if possible, blushed deeper. Quickly she disappeared.

ES

"That was amazing!" Mathieu praised, watching her down her contract with a single arrow. They had decided to do their contracts together, just to see how Maria handled herself.

"Thank you," she replied. "But nowhere near as amazing as the kill you gained," she replied, smiling at him. The contract had been in the middle of a crowd. She'd wanted to follow him until they reached a more hidden area, but Mathieu had his own plan. He had made his way through the crowds casually, lightly pushing through them, and when he reached the man the target fell dead to the ground. Everyone was horrified, none suspected who the assassin had been, and Mathieu put on a convincing act. One stab with a concealed shiv, and that was all it had taken. They'd gotten out without incident.

"I learned under the best," he replied.

"Lucien Lachance?" she asked.

"Yes," he confirmed. The guards were calling out down below, searching for the shooter. They weren't worried. As casually as anything they linked arms and walked away as if they were young lovers. He wished they were, and she probably did too, he knew, but neither of them would make a move. At least, not yet.

ES

Lucien went to the sanctuary to check on Maria's progress. He listened in amusement as Mathieu praised her unerringly. In fact, it was less of a report than it was a gushing speech about her beauty and her qualities and her abilities and her kindness and her understanding and any other number of things that he'd tuned out of by now. He needed faults as well as praises, but it appeared he would have to go to Vicente or Ocheeva for that. To his surprise, though, Mathieu reluctantly went into her faults as well. She was often too nervous, had a tendency to panic when guards got too close to her hiding place, and while she exceeded at archery, almost as skilled as Telaendril in fact, her one-handed attacks needed some serious attention. They were often sloppy and not quite fatal, giving the victim time to scream.

"Work with her on her one-handed, and perhaps she can give you tips on your archery. I know I haven't had much time to tutor you in it yet," Lucien said.

"You've been too busy, Lucien," Mathieu complained. He'd rather learn archery from Lachance, to be honest, because the Speaker had mastered the bow almost as well as one-handed weapons.

"I know, and for that I am sorry, child. I'll try and make it up to you," Lucien replied ruefully. Mathieu harrumphed. "I'll tell you what, I can bring you on a contract, if you so wish."

Mathieu cringed then replied, "I actually have plans with Maria."

"Then I am not the only busy one," Lucien said, but there was a sense of regret in him. He'd grown so used to bringing Mathieu along. It felt so foreign now that the boy had found another to go with who wasn't _him_. There was slight jealousy, but the boy was growing up. It was time that he learned to let the young one set out on his own more often. Mathieu smiled. Lucien couldn't peg it, but the boy seemed different, in a good way.

ES

"Mathieu, are you ready?" Maria asked, coming towards them. "Hello Mr. Lachance," she greeted Lucien.

"Maria, you have gotten quite a stellar report," Lucien replied, smiling at her. She blushed deeply and looked down.

"He praises me too much," she remarked.

"Lady, I do not think it is possible," Mathieu off-handedly flirted. She beamed at him, grinning.

"It is not Mathieu I need to please, though. Have I given _you_ pride, Speaker?" she asked Lucien.

"Very much so," Lucien answered. "There are some areas to work on, but Mathieu has been given instruction to help you along. You will be working… very closely, with him."

"Dad!" Mathieu shot, blushing deeply. Maria giggled and bowed her head to Lucien.

"Come, Executioner. Let us start," she insisted, taking his hand and pulling him towards the Sanctuary's door. Lucien watched after them with a smirk.


	16. Mystery of the Seedy Contract

**Child Of Darkness**

Mystery of the Seedy Contract

Maria watched from behind as Mathieu looked out over the sunset above the ocean. She pursed her lips. He seemed distant and sad, and she sensed his mind was in turmoil. She wished she knew why. She silently crept up behind him and dropped a soft kiss on the back of his neck. He started, snapping out of whatever daze he'd been in, and looked at her in shock, almost as if he'd forgotten she was there. After a moment he caught up with what was happening and blushed deeply. "A stolen kiss, rather than a stolen life. How strange," he remarked.

She sat next to him and leaned into his side. "Yes, strange, but the former is so much more desirable," she remarked.

"We have not even agreed to court," he said in amusement.

"Do we need to? It's in your eyes and your very being. You want this as much as I," she replied.

"Yes, very much so. But… there cannot be a life with me," he sadly said, looking back out over the ocean.

"Why not?" she asked.

"What kind of life have you lived?" he asked half to himself. Turning to her he replied, "You still haven't given me your answer to that question. Until then, I will not give you mine." She took him up on that offer.

"My mother died in childbirth leaving my father to raise me. He was a good man, but when I was only eight he died, and I was placed under the care of the orphanage. I was told often I would never be adopted. I would have been better off if that had been so. The man who adopted me…" she began. She trailed off, tears coming to her eyes. "He didn't want a daughter. He wanted a concubine. He favored me over his own wife, and there was hardly a week that went by when I wasn't taken into his bed and ravaged at least twice. Until now, that is. I slaughtered him in his sleep and Lachance came to me that night. I was afraid, at first, but then, well, here I am."

"I'm sorry," Mathieu softly replied, wrapping an arm around her. She leaned gratefully into him as he nuzzled her hair.

"Now it is your turn," she said.

ES

He was silent a long moment, trying to determine which parts to tell and which ones to keep out. Finally he kissed her head and said, "My mother left my father when I was a still in diapers. He was abusive and he… did things to her; and tried to do things to me. She caught on and she snatched me from him then fled. Father killed her when I was a toddler."

Maria caught her breath. "How?" she wondered.

Mathieu was silent. Depending on how he phrased this it could work; he didn't want to keep secrets from her. But to avoid it would be so much easier… He'd never done things the easy way, though. "Ironically enough, he called in the very Brotherhood I am now part of." Maria gasped in shock and looked at him with such pity… he almost withered under the gaze and cracked, but everything was telling him not to, and so he obeyed.

"Who?" she asked.

"Irony has never been kind to me," Mathieu replied, and she caught on.

"Lucien Lachance," she said in morbid fascination. "Is that when…"

"I wish it were," he replied. He wished it were because then… then maybe he wouldn't have become _this_. Maybe then Lucien Lachance wouldn't have to die. "I was to be killed with her, but I hid away. He found me, though, and in some twisted sense of honor he decided he couldn't kill a child." Maria heard the resentment and shivered. How could Mathieu love the man so much and yet resent him? "He left me for father to find. Of course there was no sympathy in the man who impregnated my mother. The moment he saw I was still alive he lost all control. He beat me nearly to death and threw me into the snow outside. I nearly froze that night, but luck wasn't on my side. Why _would_ it be? He kept me alive, his little toy, and every night and every day, every time he got the urge for years, he took me and had his way with me. And he brought friends some days, props others. He brought me to whore houses where I was a favorite of course, just in line with my luck, until the day I'd had enough. And promptly carved out his heart… Lucien, the very man who had ruined my life in the _first_ place, happened to have a contract in the inn I was at that night. He approved of what he saw and he took me and clothed me and cared for me…"

"Mathieu…" she breathed in sadness and pity. Now she knew why he was so fearful of a courtship. He'd never learned anything but pain and suffering from all those closest to him. He'd never learned what true love was. Until Lucien and the Brotherhood. By what miracle had _that_ occurred, though? Or had it? Did he still resent them? She shivered at the thought but quickly ignored it. "I am not those people. I will not hurt you."

He looked at her a long moment, tears threatening his eyes. He wouldn't give her a direct answer; he never would though he so badly wanted to. There could be a future with her. They could have a real family with real love… But not now, not yet. Finally he leaned forward and took her lips softly. She gaped in awe and he pulled her close. "Thank you," he breathed.

ES

Meanwhile Lucien watched his latest contract with an eagle eye. The man ran a very shady business ranging from providing harlots for clients to skooma dealing. It would take a lot of skill to sneak by all those surrounding him. It could take some time. Just then one of said harlots broke away from the others and approached him. He grimaced but said nothing. He let himself watch her. It wasn't difficult, that was for sure. "You're a new face. We don't get many dark hooded figures here. Are you looking for business or pleasure?" she asked.

He looked her over. He rarely used this method, but now was a perfect time for it. If _he_ got close to _her_, she would get him close to _him_. "You are such a pretty thing," he murmured. "Why do you resign yourself to this fate?" She started on hearing his voice and shivered, eyes widening.

After a moment she stood straight and replied, "I have no other means."

"Lady, if I had the money I would steal you away from this place, from this man, and I would bring you into my home and forever more protect you," he said.

She was silent a long moment. Finally she said, "I can wait for a time. But sir… come again?" He nodded and smiled at her. He liked this young woman, but business before pleasure.

ES

"_How_ long?" Mathieu demanded, glaring at Lucien in anger and shock.

"A month," Lucien replied, cringing at the look. He could tell the boy the whole story, but last time it hadn't gone well.

"You have been seeing this… this whore, for a month?" Mathieu demanded. No wonder Lucien had hardly spoken a word to him! He was falling for this woman. He was falling for her and he would finally abandon him. But he didn't _want_ Lucien to abandon him yet. "Why have you said nothing to me about this?"

"Have I claimed to be in love with her?" Lucien asked.

"I don't _care_!" Mathieu shot.

"It was none of your concern!" Lucien sharply said back.

"How was it none of my concern?" Mathieu demanded.

"I am not arguing this with you Bellamont," Lucien said, stressed.

"But I have _so_ longed for an argument!" Mathieu barked.

"My choices are none of your concern, child!" Lucien shot.

"None of my _concern_? How dare you! This is in every way my concern!" Mathieu yelled.

"I am through with this conversation Mathieu, that's final!" Lucien yelled. Angrily he turned and left.

"You walk away, just like always! Coward!" Mathieu shouted after Lucien. Lucien didn't even bother turning. Mathieu noted the other members of the sanctuary looking at him in shock and worry. He got a hold of his emotions and said, "It was nothing." Quickly he left the sanctuary. He needed to visit the library.

ES

"What was _that_ all about?" Maria suddenly asked from behind as he was looking over a book in the Cheydinhal library.

Mathieu started and looked at her in shock. He blinked then frowned, answering, "He's been seeing someone for the past month."

She smirked in amusement, "You feel your father is ignoring you in favor of this woman. A typical worry. You are jealous that suddenly his attention is divided."

"He is not my father!" Mathieu shot. "But yes, it… concerns me. It is not my problem, normally, but his relationships are for one reason and one alone, to get near a contract. He uses the method rarely, but it is highly effective. I don't trust this one, though."

"You've never met her," Maria said, smiling affectionately as she wrapped her hands around him and rested her chin on his shoulder to look over what he'd been reading.

"A feeling," he replied, relaxing and resting his head on hers with a small smile. He turned back to the document and poured over it.

"You intend to solve this mystery and save your father from the big bad temptress?" she teased.

"I do not intend to save him from _anything_. In fact I couldn't care less if he died," Mathieu replied darkly.

"Oh? Then why are you looking over all the documents you can find on this contract of his?" she asked.

"Because the mystery is intriguing," he answered without batting an eyelash. She caught the warning tone, though. He didn't want to pursue this line of questioning. "I have always loved mysteries."

"I can do some spying," she offered. He looked doubtful but then ponderous.

"I will join you," he finally said, gathering up the documents he had on Lucien's contract and the woman. Maria was a socialite, in a way. Her modus operandi was leaning that way, at least. She had crashed the fanciest of parties and gotten into exclusive dances. She'd charmed her way into the Thieves Guild and into cult hideaways. She could be a big help. "Let's go."

ES

"There he is," Mathieu said, spotting Lucien. Lucien joined a cloaked woman and kissed her gently. Quickly he led her off.

"Let's go," Maria said, swiftly starting after them over the rooftops. Mathieu followed closely.

"This contract runs a prosperous, but not entirely legal, business," Mathieu said, giving her some of the information. "He does everything ranging from Skooma deals in Skyrim to buying and selling women and men for trade or as harlots."

"No wonder there is a contract out on him," Maria said in disgust. For once Mathieu agreed with her.

"This woman I believe is one of his harlots, but I am unsure. She seems able to get away from him entirely too easily. This man's psychology should not permit it to be so simple. We've watched Lucien. We know he couldn't have freed her and snuck her away. She came out herself. This contract should have by all understandings of his mentality locked her and all his workers in their rooms. Rooms preferably without windows, but barred if there are."

"He could love her," Maria remarked, smirking romantically.

Mathieu shot her an incredulous look. She was a romantic, no argument about it. Normally he found it refreshing and very, very alluring. At the moment he found it naïve and slightly annoying. "Let's be serious," he said humorlessly. She smiled seductively at him and he blushed, shrinking slightly under the gaze. He awkwardly cleared his throat then continued watching Lucien and the woman.

ES

The two followed Lucien and the woman to a tree in the middle of Cheydinhal. They watched intently. She removed her hood and let the cloak slip from her shoulders. Mathieu would have gagged, except he doubted Lucien would lay with the woman in the middle of the city. Her outfit wasn't too bad either, so there weren't really any alarms going off in his head. "She's beautiful," Maria remarked.

"Not so much as you," Mathieu replied.

She blushed and smiled. She nuzzled him then said, "Flirting aside, have you thought that maybe, just maybe, Lucien may actually like her and she him?"

"I don't particularly care," Mathieu answered.

"You have no sense of romance, do you?" she ruefully asked.

"I have a very good sense of romance. I just can't be bothered," he answered.

"You're certainly bothered with me," she said.

He blushed and looked back at the scene, saying, "Stay focused Maria, please."

Maria rolled her eyes affectionately and looked back at the woman. Lucien kissed her softly. The woman giggled. Lucien reached up for a flower and the woman turned in their direction. Maria gasped, eyes widening. "What?" she asked in shock.

Mathieu looked sharply at her. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"That-that woman… She's no harlot. She has attended some of the fanciest parties I have _been_ at! I would recognize her anywhere," Maria replied.

ES

Mathieu looked sharply back. She was an imposter then. Lucien thought she was a harlot and was using her to get close to his contract, but all the while she had be leading him on, knowing his plan! "Why would a noble want anything to do with a man like the contract?" he asked. His eyes widened in realization and he looked at Maria warningly. "Don't say it," he said.

"She loves him," she promptly declared, ignoring. "But wait… She's questioning her choice. Watch her expression." Mathieu did so and noticed, as Lucien tucked the flower into her hair, a moment of regret and reluctance, even sadness. She was rethinking whatever it was she was doing. "She loves the dealer, but she is beginning to truly fall for Lachance," Maria summarized.

"Only Lucien," Mathieu grumbled. "If she loved the dealer and there is regret and reluctance in her now… It's a trap. I _knew_ it! She's planning to betray _Lucien_."

"She was, you were right about that, but I don't think she knows if she'll go through with it anymore," Maria said. Mathieu raised an eyebrow and watched. He saw what Maria meant.

"Nevertheless we must warn Lachance," he declared after a moment.

"I am almost certain that she will beat us to it," Maria remarked, drawing her weapon. "She led him here Mathieu, what if…"

"The trap has already been set in motion?" he finished. "Then we had better act fast, or hope she finally tells him the truth."

ES

"Lucien, I… there's something…" she stammered, and suspicion came to his eyes. What was she trying to say?

All at once a voice called, "Dad!" He turned quickly, as did she. His eyes widened. Mathieu and Maria? What were they _doing_ here?

"Mathieu, what is it?" he asked worriedly.

"Dad? You have a son?" she asked, and Lucien noticed fear and worry become even more apparent in her eyes.

"It's a trap, the whole thing! She's not a harlot. She has deceived you!" Maria said, and Mathieu inwardly cringed. One day it would be _he_ has deceived you. No, no, he wouldn't let that happen. He wouldn't sink into darkness again.

"She is a noble, in love with your contract," Mathieu added. Immediately the two launched into what little evidence and theories they had, hoping it would be enough.

Lucien looked sharply at the woman when they were done. "Is this true?" he asked her after a long moment. If so, this was very, very bad.

She was in tears, though, looking down, and for a moment he felt pity and wanted to go to her, for he had truly come to care for her. Perhaps not as a lover, but as a friend and potential. She sobbed and looked up at him, saying, "Yes… I have led you into a trap, my dear one, but you still have a chance. Run from this place. Take your child and his friend and run, before they come to you. I cannot do this anymore. Until you, my heart belonged to the man you are trying so hard to kill, assassin, but I'm no longer sure. Oh gods, forgive me. Run, my friend, run!"

Lucien drew his dagger, catching the urgency. "Mathieu, Maria, we're leaving, _now_!" he ordered sharply. If she was urgent, they were near. Mathieu and Maria nodded quickly. Lucien looked back at her and paused a moment. All at once he took her lips and breathed, "I forgive you." Quickly he turned and hurried to the two children. Placing his hands on their backs he herded them along. They needed to get into the shadows.

ES

All at once Mathieu screamed in pain and fell to the ground. "Mathieu!" Maria shrieked. Lucien gaped in shock. An arrow had pierced the boy's chest.

"Mathieu!" he exclaimed, dropping next to the boy and gazing in fear into his eyes, cupping his cheek. The boy's eyes were filled with pain and fear and he was gasping. "No…" he breathed as the boy coughed and blood came from between his lips. "No, no, _no_! Do not do this my son, do not do this," he begged.

"P-papa," Mathieu choked, sobbing.

"No!" Lucien shot furiously, jumping up. He saw men appear on the roof and on the streets surrounding them. Curse them all to wander the Void for eternity! "Maria, get him to safety! It's me they want," Lucien ordered calmly.

"Speaker…" she began to protest.

"Go!" he ordered. She quickly helped Mathieu up and staggered towards a building. They could get away through there. The woman gasped and started forward, but suddenly screamed as the contract pulled her back to him, appearing from the other side of the tree.

"How long were you there?" she asked fearfully.

"Long enough," he replied, but his tone was monotonous, his grip gentle, and she knew he wouldn't hurt her because he… he had always returned her feelings.

"I'm sorry. Please, do with me what you will, but let him go!" she pled with her first lover.

"If he lives, I will die," he answered, and she sobbed, lowering her head. She knew it was true, but she didn't want this… She didn't want him to die. Neither him nor Lucien.

"You will die anyway," Lucien growled lowly. "The Brotherhood will only send another, and another. There is no place you can flee to in Tamriel. We will find you."

"I have made advances towards changing my ways, but I don't suppose that matters to the one who called out to the Brotherhood, does it? Or to you," the man replied.

"I'm afraid not," Lucien replied.

"A pity. Kill him," the man ordered. Immediately his protectors advanced, and the woman screamed, trying to run to him.

ES

Maria lay Mathieu down behind a counter then leapt up, racing to the windows. She drew her bow and arrows and took aim. She let the missiles fly, hitting as many of Lucien's attackers as she could, but this wouldn't work for long. She looked back at Mathieu, who was gasping and panting. She'd managed to extract the arrow and bind the wound, but he needed real medical help. She wasn't trained in it. She didn't have healing spells or potions either. She turned back to trying to save Lucien.

Mathieu staggered up, gasping. He looked out the window. Lucien was getting overwhelmed. He swallowed then looked towards the stairs leading up to the roof. Pursing his lips he went towards them. Maria didn't notice. Good. He quickly scrambled up and went to the edge. He looked around at the attackers in front of him. Stealthily he snuck up on them. They were dead in a heartbeat. As swiftly as he could manage through the pain and increasing weakness, he continued along the rooftops, cutting down all the attackers from above. Blackness was coming to him, though. He felt like passing out.

He spotted a cart filled with straw. Time to take a leap of faith, he realized. He leapt from the roof in spread eagle style then flipped and landed safely in it. His chest screamed in protest and he almost blacked out right then and there. He was behind the contract, though. Silently he moved towards the man. He stood up, dagger raised, but just then the man seemed to sense his presence. He gasped and spun, getting up his own sword barely in time to block the blade Mathieu had taken from one of the rooftop victims.

The woman screamed and Lucien looked sharply over. His mouth dropped. Mathieu! The boy would get himself killed! From inside Maria paled. "Mathieu!" she exclaimed. She looked quickly back in disbelief. Sure enough he wasn't there. She cursed under her breath then put away the bow and arrows, instead drawing her sword. She ran from the house and into the fray, helping Lucien with the men. Mathieu had been a good tutor, Lucien saw, because she was definitely far more lethal with a blade than when she'd first come to the Sanctuary.

The contract struck Mathieu's chest with the hilt of his sword and Mathieu cried out. The man threw the boy to the ground and prepared to run him through. Lucien ran towards the man and attacked him away from Mathieu. The two rolled on the ground battling. The woman drew her own blade, seeing Maria's approaching form, and ran to block the girl from reaching the contract, Mathieu, or Lucien. Maria gasped as the woman attacked. Desperately he fought back, but neither of them was going anywhere anytime soon. They were fairly evenly matched.

ES

The contract staggered Lucien but had tried before to stab him in that position. It had never worked yet, so he didn't try _this_ time. The boy, however, was another matter. The contract ran at Mathieu, who had just managed to stagger up with help from the tree. Mathieu looked ahead and gasped. The man was ready to end his life, he realized. After all, the contract reasoned if _he_ was to die then the assassin who killed him would lose something in the process as well. Mathieu closed his eyes tightly and waited for the blow.

"Mathieu!" Lucien cried out, lunging. All at once he was between Mathieu and the blade, and the contract ran the Speaker through! Everything seemed to stop.

Lucien cried out in pain and clutched the sword impaling him. He looked slowly up, shocked. The contract looked startled, then afraid, then horrified. He gasped and pulled the blade from Lucien's body. There was silence until suddenly the woman screamed, "No!"

"Speaker!" Maria shrieked, racing towards him, the woman at her heels. All the other men were dead. Now it was only them and the three men.

Mathieu could only gape in horror and shock, trying to comprehend what had just happened here. "Dad?" he finally said as Lucien coughed and fell back against the tree in agony, covering his wound. Lucien began to sink down against it. "Papa!" Mathieu cried, suddenly snapping out of shock and catching the man, lowering him down gently as he began to fall. Lucien had gotten between the blade and him. Lucien was giving his life for him. But-but why? For a moment there was anguish, though inside his mother was cheering and praising her son. She was kissing him and hugging him, weeping in happiness. But Mathieu felt no happiness. Only horror and disbelief.

Maria was suddenly there with the woman. Both fell next to him, both weeping. "Lucien…" the woman breathed.

"Speaker, do not leave us," Maria pled. Lucien was gasping for breath, pale and shivering.

Mathieu swallowed dryly. He could finish Lucien now, but he couldn't… he couldn't… "Father," Mathieu begged, longing for a response. Lucien's eyes fell on him and became soft, loving, pitying. Gently the man's hand went up and cupped the boy's cheek. Softly he wiped away a tear Mathieu hadn't realized he'd shed. "Don't leave me," Mathieu begged almost childishly. "You-you promised th-that you'd never leave me."

Lucien smirked softly and replied, "I will never leave you, my child, but I cannot stay here. Sithis awaits, the Night Mother at his side."

"Night Mother and Sithis be damned! I want _you_, not them, _you_!" Mathieu exclaimed, bursting into tears. Oh immortals. Everything. Sithis would take away _everything_ from him. And if it did not happen now, it would happen later, and he knew, he just knew, it would be at his own hand. Oh daedra, the gods have turned their backs on me, please, please, pity me and release me from this fate, this destiny. I don't want it, I don't! Give my father back, I beg you. Let Lucien Lachance live and let me never sink into madness again. Please, please, I don't want Lucien to die, I don't. I don't hate him, I love him… But I despise him with my whole heart and soul. I despise him with my very being. Then why am I weeping upon his chest and begging him to stay, to not leave me? No, Lucien Lachance will die, he will, he will… But I don't want him to. He made me love him, but I don't want to but I do… Oh immortals, the darkness, the madness, it was converging on him, and all at once his eyes hardened like rock.

ES

"Get a healer," the woman ordered Maria. "Quickly, get a healer!" Maria shakily nodded and rose, racing towards a temple. There would be a priest or priestess there, if nothing else.

It was too late for that. Even if the healer managed to save Lachance, it wouldn't save the contract. It wouldn't save _him_. Fine. Let the madness take him. Shaking with fury Mathieu clutched his dagger tightly and rose slowly, looking down at Lucien's still body. Lucien was no longer awake. Soon he would be gone. But so would the contract. Mathieu turned sharply, eyes on fire, and met the gaze of the horrified contract.

"You… you will die!" Mathieu shouted. Furiously he lunged. The contract gasped and paled. Drawing his blade desperately, he fought back against the enraged boy, the madman, but he was losing and quickly. His sword was sent flying out of his hand and Mathieu spun, slicing. The man barely avoided having his stomach cut open, but there was a deep gash there.

"No!" the woman screamed, leaping up. She wouldn't lose them both. She _wouldn't_! She would sooner die. Mathieu lunged again and again. The man felt himself backed against a tree. In horror he looked into the eyes of his murderer, then caught _her_ eyes, filled with tears. He swallowed and closed his own tightly. Mathieu stabbed, but suddenly there was a scream of pain, and the contract's eyes flew open. He paled and gaped in horror. She had gotten between them. As Lucien had gotten between him and the boy, she had gotten between Mathieu and him.

"No!" he screamed as Mathieu withdrew the blade scowling, no remorse. She fell to the ground, or would have, but he caught her and lowered her gently down. Her eyes flickered open and fell on him.

"I-I'm sorry," she breathed.

"No, no, there is nothing to be sorry for," he said, smiling at her gently. His smile fell quickly, though. She smirked softly. Gently she stroked his cheek. "I love you," he whispered to her. He wouldn't beg her not to leave him. There was no hope for her. The wound was more fatal than the one he'd given the assassin. She was gone in seconds. He sobbed and kissed her lips softly. He knew, then, that he would die at the vengeful boy's hand. He didn't care anymore, though. He didn't care. Sure enough the boy scornfully harrumphed, that was all, and then the contract saw nothing.

ES

Mathieu scowled at the two bodies, the man upon his dead lover's form. Nonchalantly he wiped off the blade, Lucien's lessons coming back to him. Do not humanize your victim or you will fall, you will not go through with it. They are nothing, just your targets, just your contracts. They are not people, they do not matter, they do not feel pain or love or anything. Mathieu nearly screamed. But they did. They did. Lucien was wrong. Lucien was wrong… His mother had felt, had loved, had been human. These two had been… No, no he could not look at them as human. If he did there would be remorse. He would not show remorse.

He heard a gasp and looked up. Maria was there, gaping at him in shock, then the bodies, then back. With her was a priest. Mathieu looked at Lucien's form and said, "I do not know if he still lives."

The priest decided it was better to say nothing. Instead the man went to Lucien's form and checked. "He is still alive," he said, and that was _all_ he said. He went to work casting a healing spell and pouring healing potions over the wounds and into the injured man's mouth.

"Mathieu, did you…" Maria began, looking sadly at the two bodies.

"I blacked out," he meekly admitted, looking down. She pityingly watched him then threw her arms around him. Tightly she held her friend, her lover, and he sobbed, gently rocking her and burying his face in her hair.

ES

Mathieu helplessly watched Lucien's still form. The priest had stabilized him and he and Maria had brought him back to Fort Farragut, though Mathieu knew they weren't even supposed to _be_ here without Lucien's invitation. He'd told Vicente, though, and Banus, and Arquen, so he and Maria weren't alone here. Arquen and Maria were talking, the older woman trying to calm and reassure the young girl. Vicente and Banus hadn't left their best friend's side, not once; and neither had he.

He sniffed and leaned his head on Lucien's chest. Banus softly and pityingly ruffled Mathieu's hair, saying, "You did well, boy. You and Maria acted with determination, and that determination saved your father's life."

Mathieu glanced tiredly up at the two men. "Here, let me check your arrow wound," Vicente said. Mathieu nodded. He was too exhausted to protest. Vicente looked it over then said, "Take this healing potion." Mathieu did so without protest then went back to resting his head on Lucien's chest.

ES

Maria was asleep, leaning on Arquen. The older woman stroked the girl's hair in a motherly gesture. She was beginning to drift off as well and soon joined Maria in sleep. Mathieu was already out like a light leaving Vicente and Banus to watch over Lucien. "Why hasn't he woken up yet?" Banus asked, agitated.

"Patience, my friend. He will awaken," Vicente said.

Almost in response Lucien began to stir, groaning softly and grimacing at a pain. His eyes flickered open and he looked confused. He spotted his two friends and became puzzled. "Where am I?" he asked.

"In Fort Farragut," Banus answered in relief. "You were out for a long time."

Suddenly appearing alarmed, Lucien demanded, "Where is Mathieu?" He answered his own question a moment later when he felt the young boy's head shift on his chest. He glanced down and spotted the child fast asleep. "What happened?" he asked as he began to stroke Mathieu's hair.

"After you threw yourself in front of your contract's blade, you blacked out. The woman told Maria to get a healer. Maria ran off to do so. Mathieu, though, went into a rage and murdered your contract. But…" Banus began. He trailed off, hesitating. Lucien had often spoken of the woman to he and Vicente, and they knew that Lucien had begun to have feelings for her.

"But not before _she_ got between Mathieu's blade and her lover. I'm sorry," Vicente finished gently.

There was a moment of sorrow, even slight pain in Lucien's eyes, but it quickly faded. After a long moment Lucien replied, "It was for the best, I suppose." Still they marvelled at how Lucien could be so calm. He stroked Mathieu's hair gently. It took some manipulation, but Lucien soon moved the sleeping boy into his place on the bed. Lucien rose and looked down. At least he still had the child. At present, that was all that mattered to him. "I'm so proud of you," he softly said, bending and kissing Mathieu's forehead.


	17. Apparition

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: There will be two chapters up today, or more depending. This chapter I just added recently, so if it seems to have a different feel I apologize. It's sort of a shout out to how ghosts in the Elder Scrolls for some reason or other are not transparent and hurt you as easily as if they were human, which I always found somewhat annoying. They're not supposed to be able to bleed or die, after all, yet they do.)

Apparition

Mathieu and Maria beamed as Lucien praised Maria's progress in the Brotherhood. "You have done extremely well, sister. It is rare anyone has improved as much as you have in such short order." Turning to Mathieu, pride in his eyes, he said, "You have done well, son. You have highly impressed not only me, but also the Black Hand. They praise you very much."

"All I know I learned from you, father," he answered, modestly bowing his head.

"Not all, child. Not all," Lucien replied, placing a hand on his shoulder and nuzzling his forehead. Normally the boy would be slightly embarrassed, but Maria found his moments with Lucien adorable, so he let it go. Besides, he missed moments like these, when everything was right and normal and there was no darkness clouding his mind.

Lucien pulled away to leave and Mathieu's smile fell. He shifted uncomfortably, but Maria said, "Go on, you."

He smiled at her then went after Lucien, saying, "Dad, wait!" Lucien paused, turning curiously. Mathieu hesitated again then said, "I was wondering if we… could you bring me on some contracts?"

Lucien raised an eyebrow. It had been some time since Mathieu went on a contract with him. Normally the boy was with Maria every moment he could manage. He grinned softly. He'd missed this. "Very well. Come along my son," he replied. Mathieu excitedly grinned then raced after him.

ES

"Take a breath," Lucien murmured softly, watching the deer. Mathieu breathed in and held it. "Look down the shaft, so you see nothing but the animal," Lucien directed. Mathieu obeyed. "Draw back the string slowly and wait until it is perfectly still." Mathieu did so. "Fire when you feel ready, but do not wait too long," Lucien warned. Mathieu let the arrow go. It missed, though barely. Mathieu cursed as the animal bounded off. "Watch your tongue," Lucien said, smirking. "Do you know why you missed?"

"Why?" Mathieu asked. "I did everything right."

"The wind, child, the wind. It was a long shot, and the wind pushed the arrow off of the course you'd set it on," Lucien said. Mathieu harrumphed. Lucien chuckled and said, "I would have thought Maria was giving you tips."

"I never use a bow and arrows," Mathieu replied.

"Yet you ask me to teach you?" Lucien said.

Mathieu hesitated then replied, "You have mastered the bow almost as well as you have mastered swords and other one-handed weapons. Maria is talented, but a teacher she is not. And despite her skill, she isn't as good as _you_ are."

"I should have been working on this with you long ago, I know. The bow is a highly useful weapon, if used properly, and it is an excellent complement to one-handed," Lucien said. He looked up at the sky and frowned, saying, "It is getting dark. We should head back now."

"Yes sir," Mathieu agreed, handing the bow back to Lucien.

ES

They rode along in comfortable silence, both tired from the long day. Lucien watched the boy closely. He was starting to become distant. That was never good. Quickly, though, the child shook his head and looked ahead frowning. Good for him. He was fighting back. Lucien smiled, but quickly that smile fell when he saw Mathieu's expression become puzzled and guarded. The boy began to look around quickly. "Mathieu, what is it?" Lucien asked, slightly worried. The boy was remembering something.

"This… this trail looks familiar," he replied. Lucien looked around as well. Now that he was thinking about it, the boy was right. Had they been here before? Wait… Lucien's eyes lit up in realization and he pulled his horse to a stop.

"Mathieu, we're turning back!" he sharply said.

Mathieu looked over at him, startled, then asked, "What?"

"We're turning back," Lucien repeated.

"What for?" Mathieu asked, but then his eyes lit up and Lucien inwardly cursed.

"Mathieu…" he began, but Mathieu raced off down the path before he could finish. Lucien blinked then looked afraid. No, no, no… "Curse you to Oblivion boy!" Lucien called, racing after him. Mathieu rounded a bend and reigned in the horse with a gasp of horror. Lucien reached him the next moment and looked ahead. He remembered this place. This was where he had found the shivering and frightened child so long ago. The child who had just cut out his father's heart…

"The inn…" Mathieu breathed, coming upon it.

Lucien rode up beside him and glared at it icily. "I see it, child," he replied. Mathieu dryly swallowed and slid off of his horse, carefully approaching the building. Lucien was quick to follow. Mathieu stopped in front of the door and just looked at it. He remembered the terror he'd felt as his father had dragged him here that fateful night…

Years Ago

"No, no, please, daddy, don't bring me here, don't bring me!" the boy screeched, begging as he tried to pull free of his father's grip. His ill-fated attempt and leaping out of the moving carriage had backfired badly. All he got for his troubles was a badly injured ankle, and daddy had chased him down and dragged him back onto the carriage. He was holding the little boy's wrist so tightly Mathieu thought it would snap at any moment. The inn was coming into sight and the boy knew, heart sinking, that there was no escape.

He didn't cry. Not this time. Daddy always mocked him when he cried. He just steeled himself and stopped struggling, looking ill, then furious, then scared. He glanced at his father's dagger. It was in easy reach. All he had to do was grab it and the man would be finished. His father pulled him to the door that looked so forbidding and frightening… He didn't want to come to the party. He didn't want to come! Daddy opened the door and pulled little Mathieu inside. Mathieu just looked around, tears in his eyes.

He hardly heard what daddy was saying, but he was aware when the people began to come and touch him places he didn't like. He sobbed helplessly and daddy lifted him up, 'showing him off.' His eyes fell on a man by a pillar, though, whose fists were clenched tightly. He was hooded… Wait, hooded! This man, could it be…? Could it be the hooded man who had observed him and mommy for so long then snuck in and killed mommy? He didn't have time to think much on it, though. His father was bringing him upstairs and calling for others to follow.

Daddy threw him on the bed and began petting his hair. He was frightened, gasping lightly in fear. Then daddy was petting his leg and his groin area, then lower. Daddy was undressing him and the little one was helpless. But the dagger was on the bed where daddy put it when _he_ began getting undressed. The man's back was turned and the little boy seized the moment, snatching the dagger and hiding it behind his back. Daddy turned and grabbed him and lay on the bed kissing him. That was his _last_ mistake. The next moment the dagger was flashing, then daddy was dead, his heart in the child's hand, and the dark man was in the room watching and approving of all that was before him.

Present

Mathieu shivered, then Lucien's hand was softly on his shoulder. Mathieu looked forlornly up at his father… his father… then back. "I don't want to… daddy, please, I don't want to," he whimpered, half to himself. Lucien nearly panicked. He was regressing to childhood again!

"You do not have to," Lucien replied. But even _he_ trailed off when he noticed a plaque by the door, likely around eleven or twelve years old, if not more. His eyes narrowed curiously, and slowly he approached it in order to read. His mouth dropped slowly in outrage as over and over he read the words. Mathieu sobbed and he knew the boy was reading it too. It glorified the murdered revellers, called them respectable citizens who were guilty of nothing. It was calling them good people, and that fact burned Lucien more than anything ever had.

"These men and woman did not deserve a burial! They deserved to be burned and cursed to wander aimlessly for eternity! Here they are, praising those… those _monsters_," Mathieu suddenly ranted; but he could say no more.

Lucien waited a moment for the boy to get his feelings calmed. When he felt it was time, he said, "We must go. Mathieu, no more of this," Lucien whispered. Mathieu scoffed and swung up onto his horse, quickly riding towards the sanctuary. At least, that's what Lucien _thought_ he was doing. Until he suddenly kicked his horse into action and galloped in another direction. Lucien, startled, did nothing a moment. His heart dropped, a sense of dread falling upon him. Swiftly he swung up onto Shadowmere and galloped after Mathieu.

ES

Mathieu leapt from his horse and walked towards his destination, a graveyard. Like a predator he stalked through the tombstones, sparing glances at names that looked familiar, or like the one he was searching for. Tears burned his eyes and viciously he wiped them away. He was sick of tears, sick of misery, sick of pain. Why couldn't it all just end? He suddenly stopped. There in front of him was the name he'd been looking for. His father's… He scowled at the grave, eyes burning. With a furious cry he leapt at it and began pointlessly driving his dagger into the ground. He knew it was pointless because the man was dead, the body was probably six feet under, and really this was doing nothing. He didn't care, though. He didn't care. The choice had been the grave or Lucien. Either way his anger and hatred would have been let out. Now wasn't the time for Lucien to die.

He finally stopped and wept upon the grave, throwing the dagger behind him as if it were diseased. These were not tears of sadness or regret, but of hatred and fury… and misery. Why hadn't his father cared about him? Why hadn't the man who had given him life loved him? Why did he care about it _anyway_? In no sense of the word had this man been a father; only by blood. But the child still wished so badly that he had been loved. Why hadn't he been loved? What had he done to incite his birth father's hatred? He shouldn't care, he _shouldn't_, but he did…

"Mathieu," a voice suddenly whispered, and it sounded almost as if it were the wind. Mathieu gasped and stiffened, listening closely. He heard a cold, cold laugh, and he felt chills run up and down his spine. He knew that laugh… That laugh had been the one his father had so often given when molesting him. Just then he felt a hand on his shoulder. He thought it was Lucien a moment, _hoped_ it was Lucien, but everything told him otherwise. His shoulder was suddenly ice cold, and he knew what lurked behind him. A phantom!

He gasped and turned, ready to face the spectre that would be attacking him shortly. Often there were stories of restless creatures lurking in the graveyards waiting to pounce. On seeing the phantom that had put a hand on him, though, his expression became one of horror. He could only gape, eyes widening. He felt as if he couldn't breathe! Was he in another dream? He had to be… no, no this was real! A nightmare come to life! It was his _father_!

"You," his father's shade coldly said. Mathieu tried to scream, to whimper, to back away, to anything, but he couldn't. The apparition chuckled icily. "Mathieu, oh daddy missed you so _much_," it said over the wind, floating all around him.

ES

"N-no, no. You won't hurt me anymore. You _can't_ hurt me anymore," Mathieu tightly said, finally getting his body to move and fearfully backing away. He reached the headstone, though, and had nowhere else to go. He glanced towards his dagger, but his father's image was right in front of it. The apparition bent and picked the blade up.

"Mathieu, come see your father," it breathed. Mathieu shook his head numbly. "Wrong answer." All at once the dead man had seized the boy.

"No!" Mathieu screamed out, instantly starting to regress again.

"You murdered me, child. You murdered your father," it said in amusement. Darkly the spectre chuckled. "Now… now you will pay the price."

Mathieu cried out in pain as his father's ghost pulled him up and drove him into a tree. The spirit began to attack him mercilessly. He threw the youth to the ground and Mathieu gasped, pulling fearfully away. It was stalking him, approaching. "Lucien!" Mathieu screamed. He needed his dagger, _any_ weapon. Maybe then he would have a chance. He was kicked suddenly. The apparition was in no way transparent. He was dragged up. "No, no, let me go! Stop it!" he begged desperately.

He tried to grab the dagger and nearly vomited when his father's ghost moved, making him take something else. No, he wouldn't go through this again! He wasn't a child anymore, and this thing was nothing but a spirit! His father was groping him. At the moment the ghost was not ethereal. Good. Mathieu acted, suddenly biting the apparition's neck viciously. The thing screamed in pain. Mathieu grabbed his daggers back and stabbed over and over. The spectre fell back but wouldn't go down. It tackled the boy, both falling to the ground. Mathieu slashed viciously as the spectre began kissing him, each kiss chilling his skin and drawing blood. It was laughing at his attempts. No, he was done with this! But even the daggers to the head never stopped what had once been the man who impregnated his mother. He'd stabbed him over fifty times by now!

As the man nipped him and squeezed, Mathieu kicked violently up with a war cry. He leapt to his feet and ran towards his horse, which was whinnying and trying to bolt. All at once the man blocked him. He fell back to the ground and scrambled away, staring in horror. Suddenly a dagger tore through the phantom, impaling him! "You will not harm the boy!" Lucien's voice shot icily. The man pulled off of the blade and spun, striking.

Lucien stabbed at him, eyes widening as he recalled this man. Mathieu's father… The one who had ordered the execution of his wife and child! Fury and hatred lit up the assassin's eyes, and Lucien fought all the harder. Mathieu, wide eyed, watched the two battling. He quickly leapt up, grabbing his own weapon.

"Die already!" Mathieu cried in hatred, leaping at the spectre and stabbing with more hatred and anger than ever before.

Finally the thing dissolved, screaming out, "You cannot kill the dead!"

ES

Mathieu stared down in shock as the figure disappeared. All at once Lucien seized him in a tight and protective and desperate hug. He clung back, adrenaline and shock becoming terror and vulnerability. "P-papa," he breathed. Looking to Lucien, hurt in his eyes, he said, "You-you promised he wouldn't hurt me!"

"He won't," Lucien said again.

"He tried… Even now he tried," Mathieu whimpered.

"He is dead. He is gone. He will not hurt you. Never again will you return here, and that is final," Lucien repeated. Mathieu meekly buried his face in Lucien's robes. The man swallowed over a lump in his throat and led the boy swiftly out of the cemetery.


	18. Maria's Discovery

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: Second up today. This is probably the darkest chapter so far, and one of the most tragic, but they get darker and more tragic still. This is nearing the point where Mathieu finally gives into the abyss of his mind. Nearing, but not quite there.)

Maria's Discovery

**Entry 5: **_Damn it, mother! Why did it have to be this way? Maria was so beautiful. She was perfect in so many ways. Why couldn't she handle the truth? Why couldn't she realize her "family" didn't really love her? She was a murderer, like the rest of us. Paid to kill in the name of Sithis. I really thought we could be together. Make a real family with real love. But she told me she could never accept your place in my life. So now she's gone. She didn't deserve to live after the horrible things she said about you. I never should have told her, I know. I'm so sorry. It will never happen again, and the others will never find her, don't worry. There's nothing left of her to find._

ES

She watched helplessly as he regressed. What had made him relapse to the way he had been when she first came here, even worse, in fact. He woke up one night, screaming and sobbing and calling for his mother to come back to him. Lucien had run into his room. They had heard struggling, cries for help, and burst in. Mathieu's eyes had been on fire and Lucien was gazing up at him in horror as the boy held a dagger ready to plunge into his head. They had all screamed for him to stop, but there had been no need. Suddenly his eyes had cleared and he'd seemed to come out of a daze. He'd gasped and paled in horror and leapt off of Lucien like he was death itself. The dagger had dropped to the floor and the boy had fled the sanctuary, probably to go to the lighthouse. He'd rarely visited it since her arrival, but now he was going more and more often. And each time he came back it was worse.

She knew there was something wrong with him. Lucien had made it plain to her when she'd admitted to him quite plainly her interest in his child. Lucien had been grave, serious, and had told her simply, "Maria, I know you care for him, and he for you, but sister, there is something you need to know. Mathieu… isn't like others. There is something… something dark in him that cannot be controlled."

"What do you mean?" she'd asked worriedly.

"You have seen his eyes glaze, his expression become distant, dark, as if he is lost in his own mind…" Lucien had said. She looked concerned. Lucien sighed deeply and continued, "Many of us who are a little mad, some more so than others, but Mathieu… There is something… not normal about him. He has been a behavioral child since the start, all of that is easily explained by his life before the Brotherhood. But not all behaviors become madmen."

"You're saying he's insane?" she had incredulously asked.

"I am saying he teeters on the brink of insanity, and for the longest time I would not accept it… But things and events happened," Lucien had warned. "I love that boy more than I have loved anything else in my life. But I will not be blind to the truth."

Of course, typically in line with the father and son's luck, Mathieu had heard everything. "Damn you," they'd heard him say. Alarmed, they'd both turned. His eyes were blazing and furiously he walked away. Lucien had chased after him leaving her behind to think.

ES

He was looking dazed again. It hurt her to watch. It had gotten steadily worse since the night he'd attacked Lucien. He was fighting a war with someone or _something_, and as hard as he was trying, he was still losing. She walked up behind him and slipped her arms around him, gently kissing his cheek. He started from the daze and looked confused, then relaxed and smiled. "Maria," he softly greeted. She shivered at his voice.

"You're doing it again," she remarked.

His smile fell and he replied, "I know… But it is so hard…"

"Minion, do not give up," she whispered into his ear. He smirked and turned to her, softly kissing her. He began looking distant again. "Mathieu, please," she begged, seeing him leaving into whatever world he entered when he wasn't here with her and his family.

He snapped out of it and blinked at her. "They don't love us, you know," he remarked.

"What?" she asked.

"Our family does not love us. It isn't real love. This… this isn't real love," Mathieu said.

"How can you say that?" she asked.

He became frustrated and turned from her. He became dangerous when he was frustrated, so she gave him space. "I just… never mind," he finally replied, calming down. He looked over to her then approached, pulling her close. "I love you," he whispered softly into her hair.

"And I you," she replied, smiling and melting in his embrace. He hesitated a moment then pulled away. "I… need to go talk to someone."

"Your grandfather?" she asked.

He was silent a long moment. Finally he answered, "Let's go with that." Quickly he turned and left, but this time… this time she wouldn't let him. She thought over the idea and almost rejected it, but curiosity killed the cat and all that. She followed behind him.

ES

She watched him enter the lighthouse and observed his interaction with the old man. He was weeping in the man's arms, begging him to stop him from going into the cellar. The old man was trying to help him, pleading, but Mathieu was getting the desperate aura around him, and soon he pulled away from his grandfather and left the old man in tears, watching. Maria covered her mouth. What was wrong with Mathieu? She was so, so worried. Maybe she should get Lucien. No… no, she could handle Mathieu. She'd proven she could many times before…

She crept into the lighthouse, snuck passed the old man, and reached the cellar door. She hesitated, hearing his voice downstairs. Who was he talking to? She swallowed and reached for the door. Just then there was a hand on her shoulder and she gasped, barely managing to restrain herself from screaming. The old man of the lighthouse! "I-I…" she began.

"If you love him, do not go down there. Please. Please, don't go down there. Not only for your sake, but for his. And bring this message to Lucien Lachance. He hasn't been here for a long, long time, years in fact, but tell him he must come immediately. Something is seriously wrong with his child, and Mathieu needs more help than Lucien can even _begin_ to fathom," the Lighthouse Keeper begged.

"H-help, but why? What's wrong with him?" she asked fearfully, pale at the thought.

"If I knew, my girl… Oh gods, if I only knew… It never would have come to this. I should have thrown it into the sea, buried it, _something_. Anything to keep him from going to… to her, _it_. But when I locked the door the first time he attacked me and knocked me unconscious. Since then I haven't tried. That boy… He is a grandson to me, I would have done anything for him. But I can't."

"Please, tell me. What do you mean?" she fearfully asked the old man who sat now, helpless tears in his eyes.

"Do as I say," he ordered simply, and she knew he wouldn't leave the door. But she wouldn't let this go. Not without seeing what he meant. She would wait. The old man would go to sleep and _she_ would go to _Mathieu_.

ES

The Lighthouse Keeper was slumbering now. She quickly came out of hiding and crossed to the door. Hours… hours and Mathieu hadn't come up _once_. Carefully she pickpocketed the old man and took his key. Quietly she unlocked the door then slipped the key back in his pocket. Swiftly she went down the stairs, a growing sense of horror and dread washing over her. She smelled decay and nearly retched. Decay, why? A horrifying thought came to mind. No one knew what Mathieu did with the bodies of the contracts he killed. They were never seen again, though. She put her hand on the wall and felt writing carved into it. She looked and paled. Names. They were names of his contracts. It was a sort of memorial to their memories. But they weren't supposed to feel regret. They were supposed to let the names of their contracts be wiped from existence, yet here they were posted.

She would have been grateful, would have been happy and proud of him for defying that unwritten rule at least, if the whole thing hadn't been so eerie. He was talking to something or someone, and his voice… it sounded so childish that it nearly made her _cry_. Suddenly there was silence and she froze. Had he heard her? He must have… Now or never. She rounded the corner and froze, gasping and paling, mouth dropping.

He was standing there waiting patiently, resigned. Behind him was a sort of shrine, and she wished she could see passed him to take note of what was on it, but she couldn't. Around that room, though, were bodies. She nearly had a panic attack. Was _this_ what he did with them? "Why are you here?" he demanded simply.

"Mathieu, what is this?" she hoarsely whispered.

He cringed and looked guiltily down. "There are times I wonder myself," he answered, and that answer frightened her more than anything. He didn't know. He didn't know what any of this was that he had crafted.

"Who are you talking to?" she asked.

He started and looked terrified, but all at once the haunting and all too familiar cloud came over his eyes and features. As if he were a zombie he turned to the shrine and looked down on it. "Get out, while you still have a chance," he pled.

"No… No, I won't leave until you answer me," she replied.

ES

He was quiet. She didn't expect what he did next. All she knew was that suddenly the boy she'd come to love was gone, replaced by… by something she couldn't explain. "I told you about my mother," he remarked.

"Mathieu…" she squeaked, terrified of where this was going.

"Should I tell her mommy?" he suddenly asked softly.

"Mathieu, who are you talking to?" she asked.

Her horror grew when he answered, "It's all right, mother. It's almost over. I'm close. So very close. How long have we struggled? How long have we waited? Too long, I know. But it's almost over. I promise."

"Mathieu, please…" she begged, weeping now.

"Killhimkillhimkillhimkillhim killhimkillhimkillhimkillhim ," Mathieu replied.

"Kill? Who Mathieu, kill who?" she asked.

He didn't give a straight answer. Instead he quoted, as if he'd written it somewhere before, "Mommy, mommy, as you lie the dark man comes and makes you die. My daddy's hands are red with guilt because he killed the life we built."

She moved towards him. She had to snap him out of this. He giggled slightly maniacally just then, freezing her. He suddenly stopped and gasped, sobbing, "I hate it! All this lying, all this pretending! Sithis and the Five Tenets be damned! How long do I have to live by their rules? How long before I get my chance? I saw Lucien Lachance. He was in the sanctuary talking with Ocheeva. He was right there! So close I could have severed his spine in less than a heartbeat! Oh Mother, never before have I had to exercise such self-control. What's sickeningly ironic is that it was the Dark Brotherhood's discipline that allowed me to restrain myself. I've been a part of their "family" for so long it's a part of me, whether I like it or not. And in all that time I've fooled them all. They see me as a fellow member of the Brotherhood, a trusted family member. Someday soon I will learn the truth about the Night Mother, and when I do, I will use that trust to get close to her. Close enough so that I may rend the head from her body, just as Lucien Lachance did to you so long ago!"

ES

"Oh _gods_!" Maria exclaimed, covering her mouth and sobbing. He was insane, out of his mind. Is this the place he went when he was so dazed? "Sithis help you," she pled. He was quoting something, and part of her told her it was the diary she now saw laying upon a table.

"Sithis help me? Sithis took _everything_ from me," he replied.

"You loved Lucien, I know you did," she said.

"He _made_ me love him, he _made_ me! I _can't_ hate him. I'm trying so hard. Oh gods, strike him dead already!" Mathieu exclaimed, sobbing. All at once he seemed to recover and blinked blankly at her. Yet another level of madness he was entering, she saw. He was only sinking deeper.

"Mathieu, baby, come with me. We need to leave," she pled. The Lighthouse keeper's message. She had to tell Lucien! But what if the Brotherhood wanted to kill him? Then again, if _they_ didn't this madness _would_, and it would be more painful for him than anything else ever could _hope_ to be.

ES

"Maria, Maria, I have someone I want you to meet," he suddenly said in the excited tone of a child.

"I don't want to meet anyone. Oh immortals, Mathieu, what is happening to you?" she asked miserably.

As if he didn't hear he turned to the shrine and picked something up. He seemed to hesitate, almost as if fighting desperately to find his way back to sanity, but he would lose this time. He would lose. Sure enough the moment of sanity she saw slipped away. He turned to her and she screamed in horror. In his hands sat the decaying head of a woman. "Maria, meet my mother," he remarked calmly.

"Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods… Mathieu, what have you done?" she asked, bursting into sobs and covering her face with her hands.

"I want to be with you. I have from the moment I saw you. I want a family with you with real love. Not the love of the Brotherhood," he replied.

"Mathieu," she gasped. Gods only knew how desperately she'd wanted it as well. But he needed help. First and foremost he needed help. Then, then she would be with him, when all of this was better. But would it ever be better? It terrified her to find she didn't know the answer. "I want to be with you, Mathieu, I want to be with you. But this… _her_. I can never accept her place in your life. Love, do you know what you're talking to?"

He looked curious, slightly lost. "What I'm talking to?" he asked. "This is my mother, Maria. I know what I'm talking to."

"It's a head Mathieu! It's just a head. Your mother is dead. Minion, your mother is dead. That woman, that _thing_, is just a decaying head, all that remains of her. Your mother is gone, and I know that it hurts, but she will never come back. She doesn't exist anymore. That object can't talk to you. Lover, you speak only to a decaying body part," she tried to reason, but as she was speaking she saw the errors she was making, for his eyes flashed to confusion, then realization, then pure unbridled anguish, then desperation as he tried to fight free of this madness… then anger, then hatred, then fury unlike any and she swore… She swore he would kill her then and there. She sobbed and turned, fleeing from him. He wasn't following, rooted to the spot, but she heard him sob as she burst from the cellar.

The Lighthouse Keeper started awake, looked confused, then suddenly realized what had happened. Paling, horrified, he asked, "What have you done?"

She screamed in misery and fell to her knees sobbing. "I will tell Lachance everything, everything! Pray for him, Lighthouse keeper, pray for him," she begged. Staggering up she raced from the lighthouse. Lucien had to know, and please, any immortal that be, take this curse, this fate, this destiny, from her lover.

ES

The Lighthouse Keeper stood there flustered, lost. Then he heard footsteps and gasped, looking down. Mathieu was coming slowly up the stairs, the glazed look in his eyes; one of the levels of his madness. The level where he could see and think… but when he didn't know his own thoughts, his own words, his own actions… This… This was the most dangerous stage of them all. He blinked blankly at the old man. "Grandfather, pray for me," he pled, and the old man sobbed.

"What will you do?" he asked.

"Grandfather, why couldn't you help me?" he asked. With that he left, and the old man collapsed to his knees sobbing.

ES (From my series of Oneshots, _Fate's Games_)

He hadn't known… He hadn't known what he'd done until he was washing the blood from his hands and arms. It had become so dark, so black, and then he was here and wondering why the water was wine red. Then the memory came back and he went white. His mouth opened but no scream came out, and soon it closed. Why should he scream for one who didn't deserve to live? If anyone had been there they would see the cloud overcoming his features. Mommy, do you know what I did with her? I don't remember. Mommy, why won't you answer me? Fine, _be_ that way! I'll find out myself.

ES

He broke down sobbing, falling to his knees and holding his head in his hands. Oh the voices, the voices! They were screaming at him, telling him to erase any sign of her. They were screaming and he was looking down at her body, once so beautiful now stained with blood, her eyes wide open. Oh _gods_, what had he done? What was happening to him? Why the voices, why the death, why the longings? Why, why, why. Mommy, mommy, all for you, all for you! He wanted to wave away the flies converging, but he didn't. He didn't because only a mad man would do such a thing. He wasn't a mad man, he _wasn't_!

Oh immortals, yes he was. He was completely and utterly insane, and what frightened him more than anything was that he didn't know when he'd _become_ that way. All he knew was that suddenly he was laughing like a maniac and weeping at the same time. She had loved him. She had _trusted_ him. She had seen such pain in him and sympathized and understood… Oh why couldn't she have guessed his heart and mind before he'd told? If she had, it would be _him_ dead here, _not_ her, _him_. He suddenly stopped the hysterics and looked down at her.

The voices were coming back, screaming at him to ensure no trace of her was ever found. He wanted to fight it; he wanted so badly to fight it… But he couldn't… He couldn't because he wasn't strong enough to; and he was tired, so tired, and he just wanted to give up, to stop fighting so that this… this whatever he was in would end all the sooner. He wasn't Lucien Lachance. Lucien could have fought off the madness. Lucien would have _had_ to with all the guilt upon his head. Not him, though, not him. He wanted to be released, he didn't want this torment, but he knew, even as he was about to topple into madness again, that he never _would_. Fate was sealed, destiny written, and he… he just couldn't fight it anymore.

ES

Maria, Maria, we could have had a life together once upon a time. This should never have happened and you would still be alive. You would still steal kisses and wrap your arms around me from behind just because you knew it would startle me from my books, from my dreams, from my madness; madness that ended you, madness that will end the Brotherhood, madness that will take all I have come to care for away, and then drag me down to Sithis _with_ it.

And I want to stand up and walk away before I can do anything more to you, but I can't because already the darkness is coming and you're fading away and the only image I can see is my mother watching me and smiling, and I know I will lose. You have not been spared from your wanton lover's madness. Did Sithis and the Night Mother not care enough about you to spare you even that little decency? Of course not; and for that reason and so many more, the Night Mother will die, Sithis will die, everything and everyone will _die_! And when all is done, so will I. I will watch the world burn and then I will end my own life, as I've longed to do so often before.

I am a victim of fate, my love. I am destiny's plaything. I am nothing but a marionette controlled by some sick and twisted puppeteer. I am doomed, I am finished, and I am destined to be despised and hated for all eternity. I will not escape. I never will no matter how hard I try. Even though _you_ tried so hard to save me, even though the very one I seek to annihilate gave his _everything_ to spare me this fate, I will not escape; though I desperately want to, because Sithis and the Night Mother haven't had their fill of fun. Fate's Games haven't played out for me yet.

ES

He entered the sanctuary looking distant, lost, distracted… empty. "Mathieu, where have you been?" Lucien asked, obviously relieved to see him.

Mathieu started out of his daze and looked blankly at the man. "Been? Oh, sorry Speaker, I'm… Distracted. I've been… out."

Lucien glared suspiciously at him. "Have you seen Maria?" Lachance asked.

Mathieu was silent a long moment. Finally he answered, "She isn't here?"

"She hasn't come back. She was supposed to return hours ago," Lucien replied.

Mathieu swallowed over a lump in his throat and looked miserably down. Half to himself he muttered, "I pray to Sithis she is all right." And partially it was true. He prayed to Sithis that she had found her comfort, found her relief, and forgotten all her pain. He prayed the deity forgave her for her stupidity and allowed her the respite the unholy vision had deserved. _His_ unholy vision, so beautiful… "I-I need to lie down. I… I don't feel well." Quickly he took his leave, and all the while he felt Lucien's eyes burning into his back, so suspicious, so guarded. Oh draw your blade Lachance, strike me down, for if you don't you will lose _everything_…


	19. Turned Away

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: In the journal I know all the words in this diary passage were blended together, but that makes it a pain to read, so I separated them.)

Turned Away

**Entry 6: **_I like to lie in the grass and watch the ants and wish I were one of them in their underground maze; so safe from the darkness of people, horrible people. I will kill them all, kill the ants, kill the people, kill everything._

Mathieu leapt from the wall of the city and ran towards the horse. Curse his luck! He had been seen killing his contract! He cursed himself a thousand times more and kicked the horse into a gallop. The guards were pursuing him. They chased him into the woods without letup. Where could he go? Where could he run to hide? Lucien in Fort Farragut? He cringed. He wasn't sure. Just recently they'd had a massive argument when Lucien came to the sanctuary. It had escalated quickly until they were screaming at each other, and then he'd been attacking Lucien, but Lucien had been ready and fought back until he'd finally pinned Mathieu against the wall and hissed to him to watch his actions in the future. Of course he'd burst into tears and helplessly sunk against the wall. The argument had struck deeply and painfully at old wounds, especially Maria.

Lucien had looked afraid a moment, had almost fallen to his knees and pulled the boy close, but Mathieu hadn't given him a chance. He'd screamed that he hated Lucien then scrambled away. He'd locked the door of his room and no amount of pleading and apology from the Speaker could have gotten him to unlock that door. He knew he was being immature, but he was in mourning, passed the point of caring, and he just… he just wanted to disappear. Finally Lucien had given up, resting his head against the door, and Lucien had told him softly how sorry he was, that he loved him, that he meant everything to him… but it didn't matter. He'd continued to sob and Lucien, heart sinking, had left the sanctuary before finishing his tour.

ES

Mathieu cried out in pain as the arrows took down his horse and sent him tumbling across the ground. He looked back in horror. The horse was dead, and if he didn't move _he_ would be _next_. He leapt up and ran towards where he knew Lucien's haunt to be.

"Lucien! Lucien, help me!" Mathieu cried in terror, bursting into the main room of Lucien's haunt, Fort Farragut, and racing towards him. He finally paused to catch his breath and looked up at the man desperately.

Lucien, startled, spun and faced him looking shocked. "Mathieu? What do you think you're doing here?"

"Lucien, I am being pursued. Speaker, I only need a place to hide a moment," Mathieu replied quickly.

"So you led the guards _here_?!" Lucien yelled sharply.

Mathieu started and blinked at him. "Led? Speaker, what are the odds, truly, that they will find this place?"

"Boy, what have I told you over and over; you and all the others?" Lucien icily questioned, fingering his dagger.

Mathieu looked at him in shock and uncertainty. It quickly gave way to anger, however, and a challenging glint. "I know, I know. Never come here unless it is absolutely necessary, but sir…"

"_Enough_!" Lucien sharply said. "If you could not get out undetected it is your _own_ fault. _You_ will deal with the consequences."

Mathieu's eyes widened and furiously he yelled, "That's not _fair_! They are going to kill me, Lachance, do you not _understand_ that? If I leave, I _die_!"

"You have escaped worse," Lucien remarked.

Mathieu laughed sharply in disbelief and shook his head, saying, "I should have known. I should have known. Of course you wouldn't care. You stopped caring long ago. Did you ever truly love me, Lachance? Or was it just a game? I suppose I already know the answer, though…"

"Go!" Lucien shouted. As he turned his back he added, "Before I have no other choice but to draw my blade."

"You will _regret_ this, father. Oh how you will regret this," Mathieu hissed. Lucien never turned around as the youth marched out of Fort Farragut. Hearing the door slam, though, he looked guiltily down, tears threatening his eyes. How had they come to this? Oh gods… how had they come to this? What had happened to them, to the little boy he'd once so lovingly held. What had happened to _him_? When had he become able to turn his back on his desperate and frightened and weeping or hurt child? He longed for a better time. A time when everything had been so much better…

Years Ago

The little boy raced through the sanctuary calling, "It's here, it's here! Morning's here!" He darted into his father's room as Lucien slept. Without a thought the child leapt onto Lucien's stomach. Lucien cried out in pain, jolting awake as he was winded from the sudden pressure. He looked at his attacker in shock and horror, but the shock and horror fell to surprise and disbelief. The child was practically hopping up and down on his abdomen as the man tried to catch his breath to yell. "Daddy, daddy, lookit, it's morning! You said you were gonna teach me how to swim, daddy, you promised!" Mathieu exclaimed, scrambling up to Lucien's chest and excitedly looking down at him.

"Mathieu, do you _know_ what time it is?" Lucien asked in disbelief. "The water will still be cold at this hour! Child, it's only five in the morning."

"But…" Mathieu began.

"No buts! Go back to bed," Lucien ordered, still put out by the disturbance. Mathieu looked down and Lucien cringed. The boy looked so disheartened and downtrodden. Lucien pursed his lips then smirked, an idea coming to him. Suddenly he moved, sending Mathieu rolling off of him and onto the bed. Lucien immediately pounced, tickling the startled boy. Mathieu burst into laughter, trying to fight back but unable to, held in the crook of Lucien's arm.

"Daddy, no tickling me!" Mathieu said. Lucien grinned and kissed him.

He nuzzled the boy and said, "As you wish. Patience, son, I will teach you to swim soon, but not right now. Perhaps around lunch time." Mathieu lit up and eagerly nodded. Yawning he nestled into Lucien and fell instantly asleep.

ES

Mathieu tested the water nervously then looked up at Lucien with wide eyes. Lucien smiled reassuringly and ruffled his hair. "Do you want me to go in first or accompany you?" he asked. Mathieu reached up for Lucien's hand. Lucien took it and brought the child into the water. When it was at the child's waist, Lucien stopped. "We'll start at this depth."

"Daddy always brought me deeper," Mathieu said, and Lucien's smile fell worriedly. Did he want to know? He supposed he would have no choice. Mathieu sometimes did this, going off into narratives about what he'd thought for so long was 'normal.' "He said people would see us if we were too shallow. He didn't want people to see. Daddy never went in with clothes like you do, and he didn't let me wear any either."

"Your father isn't here," Lucien said, slightly sharper than intended.

"I don't think I want to swim anymore," Mathieu whimpered, backing away from the water as memories came flooding back.

Lucien shook his head and sighed through the nose. Looking up, Lucien firmly declared, "That man will never hurt you again, Mathieu." Mathieu shifted uncomfortably but then approached once more. He looked up at Lucien guardedly, but fear soon became trust. The child had once looked up at his father with this trust. What could drive a man to so steel his heart to such a gaze? What could drive a father to turn upon his own child, one who looked up to him with such love? Lucien forced the thoughts away before he went into an internal rage over the father of this little one standing before him. How dare the man rob the boy of his trust, his love, his innocence? He was losing himself again. He forced himself to focus now, on the child and only the child.

Lucien knelt in the water and began teaching the boy the strokes, how to stay above water, how to not panic. They spent almost all day in the lake, and Mathieu was doing very well. The boy had always been a fast learner, almost abnormally so. He was able to stay above water now, at least. Lucien rewarded him by playing a splashing game with the child, and then with an apple honey nut treat afterwards once Arquen called them out of the water saying, "Lucien, get yourself and that child out of that lake before the poor thing catches his death of cold!" They'd hidden laughter from her and obeyed.

Present

Mathieu stuck to the shadows. He could get away. He had so many times before. This would be no different. But it was quiet… _Too_ quiet. He scanned the area for his best bet. Spotting it, he swiftly started ahead. All at once, however, war cries surrounded him and he paled. The guards raced into sight and Mathieu drew his blade, fury and desperation in his eyes. He would go down fighting if he were to die!

He blocked the blows swiftly, dodging and stabbing at every opportunity, but they were overwhelming him. He dove for the side, a break in the circle of soldiers, and tried to run. He screamed in anguish, however, as suddenly a guard swung with a war hammer and struck him! He gasped in pain, suddenly unable to scream, hardly able to breathe. He clutched the ground tightly and forced himself to scramble farther away, but all at once his hood was grabbed and he was dragged up. "No!" he cried out.

He was spun around to face the other guards. One held a battle axe in his hands. Mathieu struggled as they forced him to the ground and placed his head over a stone. An illegal execution was it? How typically in line with his luck. They couldn't even wait to sentence him. The man with the axe raised it high over his head. All at once, however, just as he was about to swing down, an arrow flew through the air and pierced his neck! The man cried out in pain, choked, then dropped dead. Suddenly guards were dropping as arrows were fired furiously. The guards forgot their captive and went after their attacker. Mathieu looked up with a gasp. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped. Lucien!

ES

Lucien replaced the bow, its usefulness at an end, and drew out his weapon. He attacked immediately, silently, dodging and parrying every blow sent his way. Like a dancer he moved through them, cutting them down one by one. But numbers were overwhelming him. Mathieu scowled and drew his own weapon. He lunged to join with the Speaker. He could have left Lachance to die, but now wasn't the time. Oh no, not yet.

Soon enough the duo stood panting, every guard dead. Lucien replaced his weapons with a harrumph and shot a reproachful look at Mathieu. "How many more men am I going to have to kill to cover up your mistakes, child?"

"I asked you to hide me, not to slaughter them!" Mathieu argued viciously. "This could have been avoided, Lachance. These men could have returned home to their parents, their wives, their _children_, if you had only let me hide away!"

"Remorse, Bellamont? Guilt? Not the desired traits of an assassin," Lucien warned.

"Do not humanize your victims. If you do, you will fall. Well look at them Lachance! Dehumanize them all you want to, but they were still men! They were still human! They still had lives in front of them and you… you cut them down like so many others. And dragged me _with_ you," Mathieu belittled.

All at once he felt Lucien's blade pressed against his neck. "Do not antagonize me, Mathieu. Don't you dare," Lucien warned.

"Rot in the Void," Mathieu hissed loathingly. Furiously he turned and raced away. Lachance watched silently after him. He sighed deeply and replaced the blade, trying to ignore the nagging feelings of guilt and painful sorrow surrounding the argument. Mathieu would get over it, he always had. Wouldn't he? Oh immortals he hoped so.


	20. Slaughter at Port

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: This was honestly the first thing that came to mind when I read this passage in Mathieu's diary. It's the last event of this type to happen to him for the rest of the story, though. Besides, nothing like this has happened to him since the bandits.)

Slaughter At Port

**Entry 7: **_I did it mother! I killed them all! I killed them and I cursed them to wander their ship in undeath for all eternity! They came to talk to the old man in the lighthouse. When they saw me, they could have kept walking. But no. They laughed! They laughed at me, mother! They called me names! They said I was strange, that I was a human rat, living here in the cellar of the lighthouse. They did not know who they were dealing with! So I snuck on board, later that night, and I slit their throats. Every last one of them. So there the Serpent's Wake sits. The ghost ship of Anvil they'll call it now! Hahahahaha!_

ES

Mathieu knelt at the old man's feet, head resting in his lap as he quietly wept. "What's happening to me?" he asked in a cracking voice, as his grandfather figure softly stoked his head, tears in his own eyes.

"Oh divines, if only I knew, child. If only I knew," he answered.

"But you _do_ know," Mathieu quietly said.

The old man closed his eyes tightly. Should he speak? The boy was lucid. The boy could handle the truth. Finally he replied, "You are a madman."

Mathieu closed his eyes tightly. "I do not want to be," he said. "What I did to her… Maria… Oh gods, forgive me. Please, please forgive me. Grandfather, what can I do?"

"Go to Lucien, child, _tell_ him about this. I know your thoughts on him, your desperation for revenge. Go to Lucien Lachance," the old man begged.

"He will kill me," Mathieu quietly remarked.

"Would you rather die or be a madman?" the old man questioned.

Mathieu swallowed dryly. Finally he answered, "Die… I would rather die."

"Do not go to your mother tonight, for if you do you will lose all resolve, all control. Go to Lucien Lachance and fall to your knees before him. Beg him to help you, or to kill you all the sooner," the old man said.

"Yes grandfather," Mathieu helplessly replied.

"I love you grandson," the old man softly said.

"I love you too," Mathieu replied, a smile for the first time gracing his lips since… The smile fell and he closed his eyes tightly.

Just then the door was knocked on. Mathieu looked vaguely back at it. The old man ruffled his hair and said, "Off with you child. I have business to attend to."

"Yes sir," he answered, standing slowly. He wouldn't go to his mother's shrine. He wouldn't. Not this time. He had to grab his journal from down there, though. He steeled himself. He would _not_ go to the shrine.

ES

He was busy gathering his things when he heard the old man screaming. He gasped and sharply looked up. "Grandfather!" he cried out, running up the stairs. He burst through the door and looked around. Horror came to his eyes and fear. "Grandpa!" he cried out. The old man was on the ground. Mathieu ran to his side and fell to his knees. Gently he lifted the old man's head up. The keeper of the Lighthouse, his grandfather, looked up at him once more, eyes filled with pain, and died in his arms, eyes and mouth open.

Mathieu, shaking now, heard noises and looked sharply up only to find himself surrounded by a group of burly men, pirates and sailors, each one of them. He gasped and shot up, hand going for his dagger. Wait… Where was it? He didn't have it on him! Alarm crossed his features but he quickly forced it down. He couldn't show fear to these ones. To show fear would mean his life. "What did you want that you had to kill an old man to get it?" he asked, voice shaking with anger, though he wanted to mourn. There was no time for mourning now, though. "Take what you want and _leave_." They chuckled darkly.

They could have kept walking. They knew he wouldn't and couldn't do anything. But they didn't. "Aren't _you_ a strange one?" one said.

"A human rat, living in the cellar of the lighthouse," another chimed. Mathieu scowled.

"You stupid little dog, worthless rodent. Of course we'll take what we want," a third sneered.

Mathieu looked down, ignoring the name calling. Mistake. All at once they lunged and seized him. He cried out in alarm, startled, and began to struggle viciously. "Release me!" he ordered viciously. "Release me or you will pay the price!"

"Pay the price? Hah! Look at this little dolly, so young, so fresh, so spirited," one said.

"Perhaps that spirit needs breaking," one insinuated, and he grabbed Mathieu in an area that nearly sent him into a blind panic as his eyes lit up in realization. No, no panic. Not this time. They could do what they would, but they would regret it.

"You don't know who you're dealing with!" Mathieu veritably shrieked, struggling though by now he'd resigned himself to their plan. The men holding him were having a hard time at it.

"Such a tender little boy, so handsome, so soft. There may not be women here, but you'll do fine," the first growled lowly. Unfortunately, Mathieu disgustedly thought.

ES

Mathieu lost all control and began shrieking curses and struggling violently, throwing numerous sailors. There were more always moving up, though, and they threw him violently down and began to beat him mercilessly until he could hardly move. When he was weak they made their moved, nipping him, kissing him, oh divines, have mercy upon me! They were undressing him and he began to struggle more violently than ever, but it wasn't enough. It was _never_ enough, _never_! "Please!" he exclaimed in a last desperate attempt at pity. As if. He'd never been that lucky.

"Little dog," one was calling him.

"Human rat," breathed another.

"Man whore," another was hissing.

He was hardly aware he was screaming for help through the pain and laughter and name calling. He was calling for the one man he knew would come, no matter what. He was calling for Lucien's help, his protection, but he knew it was impossible. Lucien wouldn't come on time. Not this time. Even if he had been able to hear him screaming from here, he would never come on time. Mathieu savagely fought back but there was no chance. Finally he sobbed, surrendering and praying to any immortal who watched over him that it would end quickly. But it didn't. For hours it went on until he felt, he _knew_, he was near death. At this point he hoped they finished the job. No… no… They had their fill, and when they were done they spit at him and left.

ES

It was a long time before Mathieu staggered up. He wanted to sob, but why bother? There was never any point. He dressed quickly, humiliated and in intense pain. He finally broke down, hugging the wall. Soon, though, his eyes hardened and began to flame through his tears. They did not know who they were dealing with… and this time he _wasn't_ a little boy. This time they would pay the price. Scowling he let out an enraged and grief stricken cry and leapt up. He scoured the lighthouse for any weapons. He found his dagger and snatched a powerful sword from the coat of arms his grandfather had had.

Mathieu went to the old man's body and knelt next to it, gazing into his face. After a long moment he closed the man's eyes and wrapped him in a sheet. He would need to deal with the body later. Right now he had more important things to take care of. Swiftly he exited the lighthouse, murder in his eyes. This time it wasn't born on insanity. This time it was calculated, planned, and he had no regrets. He looked down on the ship and snorted. The _Serpent's Wake_. Such a noble name, such a beautiful ship. The crew didn't deserve to walk her decks. They wouldn't for much longer.

He slipped into the sea and dove underwater. He reached the anchor chain and took hold. Silently he climbed up and onto the deck. They were asleep, all of them, and silently he crept along the deck slitting the throats of the ones upon it one by one. He reached the quarters below deck and did the same until every single man upon that ship was dead, ending with the one in the crow's nest. Icily, with no emotion, he tucked the sword and dagger away, dove into the water, and swam back to the Lighthouse. He needed to talk to mommy. He needed to write in his journal.

ES

Lucien read the message over again as Shadowmere trotted towards Anvil Lighthouse. He pursed his lips tightly. The keeper of the Lighthouse had summoned him. He smiled. He'd missed his old friend very much. He wished he'd found time to visit more often, but it had been years since he last saw him. He noted a ship harbored in the distance and raised an eyebrow. Perhaps the crew had come to talk to the old man, for whatever reason. He looked at the message again. It was regarding Mathieu. It told him to come, that the matter was urgent, that the matter could mean life and death for the boy. He had written he wouldn't say more in writing, he wanted face to face. Lucien would oblige him, then.

He reached the lighthouse and slid off of Shadowmere's back. He paused and frowned suspiciously. The door was wide open. Why? A feeling of dread was coming to him. Drawing his blade he silently approached. Quietly he pushed the door open the rest of the way and looked inside. Immediately he paled, going white. There was a body on the floor, wrapped in a white sheet! He ran to it immediately and fell next to it, silently cursing. Swiftly he unwrapped the sheet. His heart dropped and he felt a deep sorrow overcome him. He nearly sobbed. The old man… What had happened to him? Who had done this? By the gods, whoever had killed him would pay dearly. So, so _dearly_.

Just then he heard a door slam open and looked quickly over, shooting to his feet. Anger fell to horror as he looked at the figure. "Mathieu!" he exclaimed in alarm. Mathieu was staring at him looking haunted, and soaked; not only from water, but from blood as well. The boy looked down at the book in his hand, his journal, and dropped it. He looked back up at Lucien. Lucien felt terror gripping his heart. "What have you done?" he softly asked, thinking a moment this had been Mathieu's doing; but he doubted it.

Mathieu looked suddenly grief stricken, but grief turned to vacant. All at once his expression took on one of confusion and terror and happiness and excitement all at once, and Lucien shivered. "I did it Lucien. I killed them all! I killed them and I cursed them to wander their ship in undeath for all eternity," Mathieu replied.

"What? Mathieu, who are you talking about?" Lucien asked.

Suddenly hopping up and down, excitement overtaking everything else, Mathieu ran to him and took his arm saying, "Come see Lucien, come see!" Lucien could only gape in shock as Mathieu pulled him up the lighthouse stairs. Mathieu reached the top and raced outside with him, thrusting him at the edge. Lucien nearly went over but caught himself. Mathieu leapt at the rail and pointed at the ship, saying, "They came to talk to the old man in the lighthouse. They killed him instead. When they saw me, they could have kept walking. But no. They laughed! They _laughed_ at me father. They called me names! They said I was strange, that I was a human rat, living here in the cellar of the lighthouse."

Lucien's eyes widened in realization as the light caught Mathieu. The boy was covered in bruises and gashes. He was limping and staggering. His clothing was stained with blood. "What happened to you?" he asked carefully, realizing that this wasn't madness. Not this time. This was shock.

"They raped me father, they raped me! But they did not know who they were dealing with," Mathieu replied flat out. Lucien felt misery and grief overtaking him once more. How could the boy sound so calm, so happy? Why was he asking? It was the shock. It was the shock, and when that shock passed… Lucien felt tears in his eyes. How many more times would he fail this child? How many more times could Mathieu tolerate? How many more times could _he_ forgive _himself_?

"Mathieu," he said, trying to snap the boy out of it.

Mathieu wasn't listening. He continued, saying, "I snuck on board, just before you came, and I slit their throats. Every last one of them. Look at it Lucien, look! There the Serpent's Wake sits. The ghost ship of Anvil they'll call it now!" The boy burst into maniacal laughter, but Lucien had had enough.

ES

All at once the man gave an anguished cry and sobbed, falling to his knees. Mathieu, startled, looked at him in disbelief. Confusion turned to fear, then sadness and worry. Lucien never wept, _never_. Why was Lucien weeping? "Father…?" Mathieu timidly asked. Lucien shook his head, unable to answer. Mathieu shifted uncomfortably. "Papa, please," he begged as clarity began to return, but slowly. Why was Lucien crying? Lucien didn't cry. _He_ cried and Lucien comforted him; _that_ was how it was supposed to go. Parents didn't cry in front of their children. "Daddy…" Mathieu squeaked, voice cracking.

"Oh divines! Please, forgive me," Lucien begged.

Mathieu fell to his knees and scrambled over to Lucien, saying in a cracking voice as he held the man close, "Papa, papa, it isn't your fault, it isn't! You said it yourself, you couldn't promise you would be on time. You're not a divine. Please stop crying father, please. It-it wasn't your fault."

All at once his sanity returned to him and he froze, paling. He was silent a long moment, and Lucien sensed the change. He looked slowly up at the boy and noticed emotions flashing through his eyes at a breakneck speed. Mathieu opened his mouth, probably to scream, but no sound came out. "Mathieu," Lucien breathed, gently taking the boy's shoulders.

Mathieu looked quickly at him, despair finally settling in his expression, and he said in a whisper, "They… they raped me." Lucien wanted to sob, but this time he couldn't. This time he needed to be the strong one, because the boy was going to break down. Gravely Lucien nodded. Sure enough a moment of silence passed, then all at once Mathieu burst into tears and sobs and screams, falling into Lucien's chest. _This_ time the man wept with him, cradling him back and forth and burying his face in the boy's hair.

ES

Lucien finished burying the old man. Mathieu watched sullenly, wrapped in a blanket. The boy was wavering between shock and reality. Lucien looked miserably down at the grave. Divines, how he wished the old man was still here… Lucien went back to Mathieu and knelt in front of him. "I will not ask if you are all right, I know the answer to that question, but how are you faring?" he softly asked the boy.

"He's dead…" Mathieu replied, voice cracking. "Just like mama, just like… like Maria. He's dead…"

"I know, child, I know," Lucien replied, and by now he too had accepted Maria was gone.

"Am I cursed, Lucien? Why does everyone I care about die around me?" he asked. He knew full well he'd only killed one of the three, but barring that fact, he still wanted an answer.

"I do not have all the answers, child. I wish I did, but I don't," Lucien replied.

"I want to die, Lucien. I want to die. Why can't I just die?" he asked in a breaking voice. Lucien swallowed over a lump in his throat. He had no answer, so he would remain silent. Instead he pulled the young one into a hug and gently kissed his head.

"Never say die, child of darkness. Never say die," he replied. Mathieu burst into fresh tears and fell into a fitful slumber as Lucien held him close.


	21. Silencer

**Child Of Darkness**

Silencer

**Entry 8:** _Some wonderful news mother! Advancement at last! Lucien Lachance paid a visit to the Sanctuary today, to talk with me! He told me the Black Hand needed my services. One of the other Speakers is looking to replace his assistant, who was killed fulfilling a contract. So Lucien Lachance suggested me! I met with the Speaker and will serve as his new "Silencer." Ha! Lachance might as well have given me a contract to kill the Night Mother herself! I am now one step closer to realizing our dream. I will learn the Night Mother's identity and tear the heart from her chest. Oh yes, and I have something special planned for Lachance himself…_

ES

"Mathieu, get up! Lucien Lachance is coming!" Gogron excitedly said, shaking the boy into wakefulness.

"Hmm, what? Now? Why?" Mathieu asked, groggily rising.

"I don't know, but it's something big boy, and it centers on you," Gogron replied.

"_Me_?" Mathieu asked in shock, now wide awake.

"Get dressed and get out here," Gogron ordered, beaming at him. Quickly the orc left, and Mathieu staggered up quickly doing just that.

ES

He ran out into the main hall. "When is he coming?" Mathieu excitedly asked the others.

"Sit down and eat your breakfast child. He'll be here any minute," Telaendril said, grinning at him. Vicente was beaming proudly and Mathieu was becoming more and more excited. He reluctantly forced himself to calm down and eat. He was halfway done when the door to the sanctuary opened. He gasped and quickly devoured the rest. He leapt up and raced to greet his father.

"Lucien!" Mathieu exclaimed, running to the man and hugging him, to Lucien's shock. It was a rare occasion the boy greeted him in such a way.

"Someone has hinted something to you," Lucien remarked, hugging him back with an affectionate smile.

"They said you wanted to talk to me. Gogron hinted it was big," Mathieu replied excitedly as the rest of the sanctuary appeared, eager to hear the news. The only ones who knew were Vicente and Ocheeva, but the others had a fairly good idea. It had been years since something like this had happened.

"It is," Lucien said. "The Black Hand needs your services, child."

Mathieu's eyes widened. "The Black _Hand_?!" he exclaimed in shock, almost whooping for joy. He was going to be personally selected to join the Black Hand! It was one of the highest honors any member of a sanctuary could _receive_!

Lucien chuckled and nodded, saying, "One of our Speakers is looking to replace his assistant, who was killed fulfilling a contract. So I personally suggested _you_."

"Father you _didn't_!" Mathieu exclaimed. Lucien nodded. Before he could blink he found his arms filled with teenager. "Thank you sir, thank you! I'll make you proud!"

"You always _have_," Lucien replied, beaming and hugging the boy tightly. "Now, collect your things and meet me at the doors. Then your new life as a Silencer will begin." Mathieu laughed and darted instantly off, Lucien grinning after him.

"You couldn't have made a better choice," Ocheeva said to Lucien, bittersweet tears in her eyes. Lucien grinned lovingly in the direction Mathieu had run.

ES

"Good luck, young one. We will certainly miss you around here," Ocheeva said, taking his hand fondly. Mathieu nodded.

"It has been nothing short of a miracle to watch you grow from practically infancy to this young man standing before me," Teinaava added. Mathieu grinned proudly.

"Yes, well, it's been an experience, kid. I guess I'll, you know, miss having you around," M'Raaj-Dar said awkwardly. There was a silence then the Khajiit pulled him close, saying, "Who am I kidding? Good luck, boy."

"Look at you. You've grown up so much," Antoinetta gushed. Giggling she kissed his forehead and said, "Go out there."

"I remember teaching you how to make those seaweed dolls so long ago, and helping you learn and grow. Oh I'll miss you, boy," Telaendril said.

"Yeah, whatever. Great havin' you around kid. See ya," Gogron awkwardly said. Mathieu mischievously smiled at him.

"You were amusing to prank," he replied. Gogron frowned angrily but then sighed. He really didn't want to see the kid go, but he supposed there was no choice now.

"Goodbye, Mathieu. Don't lose that hit you have," Fafnir said, winking at him. Mathieu cringed, remembering the broken nose from so long ago.

"Farewell, young Bellamont. Walk always in the shadow of Sithis," Vicente said, placing his hands on the boy's shoulders. Mathieu nodded then hurried out of the sanctuary to meet Lucien.

ES

They rode in silence, Mathieu lost in his thoughts; and not all of them good, he realized. He frowned, trying to block them out, but it didn't work. They approached Anvil Lighthouse and his gaze became sad. Lucien softly put a hand on his shoulder. "He would be proud of you, Mathieu," the man remarked.

"It doesn't bring him back," Mathieu replied. He'd kept his promise, though. He hadn't gone into the cellar, not once for a long time except to bury the old bodies. He didn't know how he'd managed to get out of there still in control of his thoughts, but he had. Wasn't that a _good_ thing? Or was it just the calm before the storm, because now all he was hearing was a child's laughter, and a mother's. Quickly he looked back at the road, focusing on the ride. Until, that is, he began to drift off; and that was never good, because it left his mind wide open…

ES

"My son, look into my eyes," her voice was softly saying.

"Mother…" he breathed, looking around in alarm.

"Look into my eyes," she repeated.

"Mother, where are you mother?" he called out, trying to follow her words.

"Turn around," she replied.

He turned slowly and nearly screamed. There was her decaying body, her head held in her hands. He backed away in horror. "No, no, no, no, no," he kept murmuring.

"Have you forgotten your dream, child?" she asked. "_Our_ dream?"

"Dream?" he fearfully replied, looking around. Where was Lucien? He wanted Lucien to wake him up and save him.

"Lucien Lachance must die," she replied.

"I don't want him to," Mathieu childishly replied.

"They you have truly forgotten me," she replied.

"No! No mommy, no, I haven't forgotten, I haven't! Please, please don't leave me again, _please_!" he screamed out.

"Learn the Night Mother's identity, and tear the heart from her chest," the woman ordered.

"I will mother, I will!" Mathieu exclaimed, sobbing. "Lachance has practically given me a contract to kill her. And Lucien… I will have something special planned for him, I promise mommy, I promise. Just don't… don't leave me."

"There, there, guileless son. I see your fear, I hear your pain and misery. I know you love my murderer as your father," she breathed.

"I don't, I don't!" Mathieu tried to insist, but he knew it was a lie to himself. "I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!" Mathieu repeated. Maybe if he told himself he hated Lucien enough times, he would actually _start_ to.

"I must leave you again, my son. Avenge me child, avenge me," she breathed.

"Mommy, mommy no, please! Don't go mommy!" he called out, but she was gone, and his dream was fading to black as he was awakened by Lucien lightly shaking him. He started awake and looked at the worried man in terror. Forcing himself to calm down he gave Lachance a nervous smile, hoping it would trick Lachance into thinking it was just nerves. It seemed to work as Lucien didn't question, only gave a reassuring smile before climbing off of Shadowmere. Mathieu leapt from his own steed and followed. It was time to meet his Speaker.

ES

They were walking through the halls. "How are you feeling about all of this?" Lucien asked, worried he'd asked too much of the still young boy.

"Odd, Speaker, and slightly disappointed," Mathieu answered.

"For what reason?" Lucien asked curiously.

Mathieu hesitated then replied, "Because I believed that if ever I became anyone's Silencer, I would be _yours_." Lucien started at the declaration. "Am I not good enough, father?" Mathieu questioned.

"How could you ever think that?" Lucien asked gently. "Mathieu, I am not looking for a Silencer as of yet. Besides, it would have been seen as favoritism to the others. They already know you are one of the best, I could get away with choosing you for that reason, but if I had claimed you as _my_ Silencer on _top_ of that, well, there would have been talk."

"I understand," Mathieu replied, though he was still obviously disappointed.

Lucien smiled and assured, "You will not be let down by your Speaker."

"His previous Silencer died fulfilling a contract _he_ handed _out_. How is that supposed to reassure me, Speaker?" Mathieu replied incredulously. Lucien paused and blinked blankly as Mathieu kept on. Hmm, the boy brought up a valid point. He shrugged it off, though, and followed. Proudly he watched as his child was initiated into the Black Hand, and named a Silencer. He grinned softly at the boy. Perhaps things were starting to get better…

Hah! Lachance might as well have given me a contract to kill the Night Mother, Mathieu realized as he went through the ceremony. See mommy, see. I'm almost there mother. I'm almost there. I'll avenge you mommy, I will. Just… just don't leave me again… I need you mommy, I need you.


	22. Contract of Blood

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: Enter Oblivion Hero. Second up today. Some parte were taken from my series of oneshots, Fate's Games, specifically the oneshot centering around Lucien. According to a reader's suggestion I have changed this chapter a fair bit so as not to be overly repetitive. Enjoy the revised version.)

Contract Of Blood

The young woman staggered into the woods and sobbed, leaning against a tree. What had she done? What had done? The wind softly blew her hair, and the sounds of the woods began to calm her. Tears in her eyes she opened them to gaze up at the full moon, recalling all that had occurred, all that had driven her to… to murder. The men who had tried to kidnap her. She had still been weak, still malnourished, from the wrongful imprisonment, and they'd seen it. They… they had attacked in a group and overpowered her. She'd woken up in these woods, in a cabin. She'd felt so dizzy, so weak… Their leader had come in, a sick smirk on his face. He had told her their plans for her. They wanted money, but she had none on her, and she had no family to pay a ransom. They hadn't liked that. He'd left then come back moment later with his men. They had begun to attack and beat her mercilessly.

When they had unleashed most of their anger they dragged her by the hair outside and bound her tightly to a tree. They'd left her there for days, and no one had heard her screams for help. She'd been given no water, no food, no rest. She'd nearly frozen during the nights and suffered through the heat of the day. They believed he'd broken her spirit, and after four days the group had returned and cut her loose. Apparently they had decided her fate, and it wasn't good. They had very nearly succeeded in their illegal execution, but she hadn't been out of tricks just yet. She _wasn't_ helpless. She'd played along a moment until opportunity struck. Then she'd suddenly moved, snatching an enchanted dagger from one of them and stabbing him with it. One hit, one kill. The rest had been stunned, and before they could think to move, they had joined their friend on the ground. Now here she was.

Divines, she was tired. So, so tired. She closed her eyes and swallowed painfully. She needed water, she needed rest. She went to a nearby waterfall and dipped her hands beneath it. She drank as quickly as she dared to. It would do no good to shock her system. Finally she stopped and looked around, leaning against the cold rock cliff. Her eyes fell upon a stable up ahead. She staggered up and went towards it. It wasn't an inn, but she had no money to pay for a room so it didn't matter. She just wanted to sleep. Sleep and forget. She entered it and clambered up into the loft. Exhaustedly she collapsed upon the straw and fell into a fitful and light sleep.

ES

Some months had passed since Mathieu had become a member of the Black Hand. Lucien checked his progress quite often, and the boy hadn't ceased to amaze. Right now, though, he had another priority on his mind. The Night Mother was calling out for a new member. Someone had caught her eyes and met her approval. Now Lucien was searching for him, or her. He followed the Night Mother's guidance. They passed inn after inn and he puzzled over how this new member could be in none of them. Or even the houses he rode by. He didn't need to stop to check, the Night Mother guided his path.

Lucien mentally clocked how long it was taking. It had been two days since he set out on this journey, and he was quickly losing his enthusiasm about the whole thing. He looked up at the full moon. "Enough of this nonsense. Mistress, show me the way," he said softly.

He felt a tingling up his spine and a comfort. He looked ahead into a forest. So this was where this mysterious figure would be, was it? So be it. He nudged Shadowmere into action, riding swiftly through the forest. He scanned for any home, for any sign. Nothing. All at once, though, he came upon a stable in a distant clearing. He paused. This was it. He slipped off of Shadowmere and strode towards it, silent as a ghost.

ES

He found her… Oh _how_ he found her. And for a moment he forgot to breathe. There she lay, fast asleep upon a bed of straw. So still, so delicate, so beautiful, that one would almost think she was a corpse… The moonlight shone off of her skin and he shivered. He could only stare upon her in awe. Was she some goddess, some nymph? Did it matter? Either way her image was forever burned into his mind.

She sensed a presence and opened her eyes in confusion. Eyes so pale they rivalled the moon and stars. When those eyes fell upon him she didn't move. She hardly even _breathed_. Her hand, though, slowly began to twist a dagger she held, glittering and deadly. The dagger she'd used to take her assailant's life. Who was this dark and mysterious stranger lurking over her? Why did she feel no fear? Only curiosity… that was it… curiosity and comfort. She should have been afraid. She should have attacked. For all she knew he would take her by force then and there. But she didn't move. His eyes... they calmed her, declaring a truce of trust between them.

"You sleep rather soundly for a murderer. That's good. You'll need a clear conscience for what I am about to propose." She said nothing in return, simply blinked and waited for him to continue. He was amused. "I am Lucien Lachance, a Speaker for the Dark Brotherhood. And you… you are a killer. A taker of life. A harvester of souls. Your work, your deathcraft, pleases the Night Mother. And so, I come to you with an offering. An opportunity… To join our rather unique family."

Once more she said nothing, her expression unreadable. He thought a moment that he saw anger, guilt, but it could just as easily have been a trick of the light. She was waiting, and he was feeling more and more intrigued. He shivered as she cocked her head slightly, and he caught a wave of perfume; a light and exotic scent. Deathbell with a hint of Nightshade… How fitting. "Listen carefully. On the Green Road to the north of Bravil lies the Inn of Ill Omen. There you will find a man named Rufio. Kill him, and your initiation into the Dark Brotherhood will be complete. Do this, and the next time you sleep in a location I deem secure, I will reveal myself once more, bearing the love of your new family."

Once more she remained quiet, but she allowed her eyes to harden. Most would have thought she was hardening her heart, resolved to carry out his bidding. No… They hardened because she wanted to refuse, to tell him she was no murderer. For a moment he feared she would pounce with an unearthly cry, that of some unobtainable and otherworldly creature, and tear him to pieces. She didn't move, though. "Now please, accept this token from the Dark Brotherhood. It is a virgin blade and thirsts for blood. May it serve your endeavors well. Now, I bid you farewell. I do hope we'll meet again soon."

There were those who would wonder why he give her such a prize, such a blade, the one he'd held for so long waiting, when she had said nothing to either confirm or deny that she would go through with it; but something about her called out to him like a forbidden fruit, and who was he to ignore such a sensation? It was foreign, new, and he found he liked it very much, yet at the same time feared it. "Your path is clear," he said to her. "Send Rufio to his death, and the Dark Brotherhood will embrace you as family."

ES

She watched him become invisible. She never even heard him leave, and for a moment she could have sworn she'd dreamt the whole thing. But the virgin blade was in her hand, and the warmth of his touch was still there, and his words and voice were imbedded in her thoughts forever, and the scent of the fresh air and of blood was still around her, intoxicating her. She gazed at the blade, caressing it gently. After a long moment she closed her eyes and went to sleep once more.

By the time she reached the Inn of Ill Omen it was late the next night. She looked for a moment hesitant. She looked down then back up. This time she entered determinedly. She didn't want to do this, but here she was, fully prepared to carry it out. She approached the inn keeper almost noiselessly. He looked up at her, intrigued, then asked, "What can I do you for?"

"I am seeking a man named Rufio," she answered softly. The inn keeper had been almost pathetically obliging and she nearly laughed. If these were the best security measures this Province had to offer, she would make it a point never to sleep in inns _again_. Silently she went down and found her target.

She gazed upon his sleeping form, and pity and regret came to her eyes. But she had a task to complete, and she would go through with it. "I'm sorry," she whispered softly. With one deft cut the man was dead. Silently she slipped out of the inn and disappeared into the night.

ES

Lucien gazed upon her, his mind whirling in a thousand different directions. Wonder, amazement, shock, disbelief. She hadn't disappointed. To be honest, he really hadn't known if she would go through with it or not, yet here he was standing before her once more and gazing into her pale eyes and upon her pale skin. Her hands were behind her back as boldly she faced him, proud and cold, eyes like icicles. She wasn't happy with him, with what she'd done, but still she'd gone through with it. "So, the deed is done. How do I know this? You will find that the Dark Brotherhood knows a great _many_ things. For you are now part of the family." Yet again she said nothing, but oh how he longed to hear her voice, and he didn't know why. "The slaying of Rufio was the signing of a covenant, the manner of execution your signature, Rufio's blood, the ink."

He didn't know why such disappointment fell upon his heart when she still refused to speak, but he continued, "As a Speaker of the Black Hand, I directly oversee a group of family members. You will join that group and fulfil any contracts given. You must now go to the city of Cheydinhal, to the abandoned house near the Eastern Wall. Enter the basement and attempt to open the Black Door. You will be asked a question. Answer thusly. 'Sanguine, my brother." She shivered at his whispered words and he softly smiled, amused; the first hint of a reaction to his presence that he'd seen. "You will gain entrance to the sanctuary. Once inside, speak with Ocheeva."

To this day what happened next remained burned into his mind, and still he shivered at the memory. "We must now take our leave of each other, you and I, for there is much work to be done," he declared. "I'll be following… your progress. Welcome to the family." She had gazed up at him, head tilted slightly, curiously, then all at once she knelt humbly before him, her dress pooling about her feet, and took his hands in hers. She bowed her head modestly, submissively, and softly kissed them with her cold, cold, blood red lips. He swore his heart skipped a beat, then pounded all the harder. He shivered and found himself unable to stop the tingling shooting through him.

Her eyes turned up at him once more and she rose. He realized his lips were still parted in awe. Quickly he closed them and glanced away, continuing quickly, "You are now one with the Dark Brotherhood. Visit Ocheeva at the Cheydinhal Sanctuary and your new life will begin."

Again he left her thinking it had all been a dream, but she knew it to be otherwise. She smirked to herself softly. She'd felt his shiver. She was… amused. Her smile fell softly, and she looked in the direction of Cheydinhal. After a long moment she started off, and all the while she could swear his eyes were upon her.


	23. Silencer Meets Assassin

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: My attempt at going a little more in depth with my character's relationship to Mathieu, and at the same time pushing Mathieu's internal conflict more.)

Silencer Meets Assassin

**Entry 9: **_Mommy I so afraid. I miss you mommy. I just want you to kiss me again._

ES

Lucien walked into the midst of his fellow Black Hand members at their meeting place, looking slightly dazed and very much distracted. "Lucien, where have you been?" Arquen asked, snapping him out of his musings.

He started and looked at the other members, silently summing them up. Arquen, Banus, Alval, J'Ghasta, Belisarius, all Speakers. Havilstein, Shaleez, Mathieu, the Silencers. And Ungolim, the Listener himself. After a moment Lucien answered, "Collecting a new member of our dark family."

"Lucien, never before have you looked so distracted. Not since you brought Mathieu into our midst," Banus remarked.

"Haven't I? Hmm," he replied, hoping they'd drop it.

"Of course he was distracted for a different reason with _Mathieu_. He rushed into our midst and packed away all the food we had in front of us, looking lost in his own world. He hardly heard us asking what was wrong. He took clothes, some soaps and towels and cloths, and some blankets then left, muttering something about a little boy with talent and skill and bravery beyond what he had ever seen before," Belisarius teased. Mathieu cringed and blushed. The last thing he wanted to remember was that night.

"Tell us Speaker, what brings this on?" Shaleez questioned.

Lucien blinked blankly at them then replied, "Nothing. She was… intriguing."

"She?" Havilstein asked, eyes lighting up.

"She," Lucien confirmed, eyes narrowing dangerously at the man, warning him off.

"In what way was she so intriguing?" Alval wondered.

Lucien shot a dagger look at Alval and warned, "Do not antagonize me."

Mathieu, though, raised an eyebrow suspiciously. Since when did Lucien act like this after meeting and recruiting a new Dark Brother, or Sister, in this case? Uncertainty came to his eyes, then offense. This needed to be looked into. Nervousness appeared. He didn't like this, he didn't trust this. It made him feel uncertain and afraid and… and vulnerable.

ES

Mathieu rode alongside Lucien, accompanying him back to Fort Farragut. The boy looked nervously up at the man. He knew why Lucien was allowing his company. Lucien sensed that he was worried. He'd sensed it all through the meeting. "Lucien…" he began.

Lucien glanced over at the boy, then ahead once more. "What troubles you, child of darkness?" he asked.

"This… this woman…" Mathieu began. He wasn't sure how to continue. After a time he said, "You've never reacted in such a way to a new member, Speaker. Not since me."

"Are you asking if I am attracted to her?" Lucien asked.

Mathieu cringed then answered, "You have found many attractive. You have been attracted to few. This, though… this is more."

"I do not know the woman," Lucien replied. "I have not even heard her voice."

"You are intrigued, Lachance," Mathieu said firmly. "I have never seen you so intrigued with _anyone_ before."

"You claim I am infatuated? Mathieu, my child, you jump to conclusions," Lucien replied understandingly. "This woman will not change anything." Somehow Mathieu doubted it. "We are here, boy. Return to your Speaker swiftly, before he misses you. Be careful on your return. Sithis watch you." Mathieu scowled darkly. Sithis was the _last_ thing he wanted watching him.

"As you command, my Speaker," he replied. Immediately he turned his horse and galloped back. This new member would bear some watching. This new member could pose a threat.

ES

She returned from her latest contract and was greeted warmly by her 'family.' She grinned, embracing them each as they came to her. "Welcome home, sister," Ocheeva said.

"Athaya, you must tell us everything," Antoinetta said, taking one hand while Telaendril took the other, beaming.

"Yes, most certainly. Tonight, just the three of us," Telaendril said. She grinned.

"I don't know by what miracle you made it back in one peace, but good for you, I guess," M'Raaj-Dar said vaguely, hardly looking up from the spell book he was reading.

"Was the kill bloody?" Gogron asked, grinning excitedly.

"Should I bother answering?" she asked. It was always the same. Her kills were as neat and as painless for the victims as she could make them. She didn't relish in their fear, so she gave them none. She did not relish in their pain, so she was swift.

"You're no fun," Gogron pouted. She smiled at him affectionately.

"You've been going at it hard, sister. Take a rest," Teinaava suggested.

"You can feel free to rest with _me_," Fafnir flirted.

"Enough from you. We are glad to see you safe again, Athaya," Vicente said, drawing her away from the others. She was never one for crowds, and he was much the same. He sympathised with her on that account.

ES

As they walked, she said, "I am glad to be back. It was… trying."

"Yes, some contracts _are_, more so than others," he answered as they linked arms.

"It wasn't just that… There is a man by the name of Martin, the illegitimate son of a recently assassinated Emperor. I have been helping him deal with the Oblivion Gates springing up across all of Cyrodill. It's been… an experience," she said.

"I would certainly think so. Be careful. On to other things. The Black Hand has been watching you intently, you know," Vicente remarked. She modestly bowed her head.

"I do not know why. The only member I have met is Lucien," she replied.

"That is soon to change," Vicente said. She cocked her head curiously. "A Silencer has come to visit us. He is… curious about you."

"Curious? For what reason?" she wondered.

Vicente chuckled, eyes lighting up as if he knew something she didn't. "Perhaps not so much curious as cautious." She raised an eyebrow, silently prompting Vicente to stop playing games and get to the point. Vicente shook his head affectionately, saying, "He is cautious because Lucien has told him nothing about you."

"Does Lachance tell anything to anyone?" she wondered, smiling softly. From what she'd learned of the man, and she'd asked at every opportunity, he was very… silent, for a speaker, and liked keeping to himself.

"To _this_ one, Lachance tells everything," Vicente replied.

"Is this Silencer Lucien's?" she asked.

"He is his protégé, yes, but he is not his Silencer," Vicente answered. She looked confused. Vicente chuckled and said, "You will soon see what I mean."

ES

They entered a room and Athaya saw the figure's turned back. Curiously she turned her head. "Silencer, you wished to speak to me?" she said upon entering. The figure turned guardedly and removed his hood. She caught her breath. Why this one could hardly be more than a _boy_! She doubted he had even completely filled _out_ yet. Her eyes lit in realization as she started to put it together, then intrigue. Lachance told everything to this one, this mere child was cautious of her. Lucien Lachance held this boy close to his heart. She wondered, was the youth his child? "What is your name, boy?" she asked.

She saw the boy look a moment shocked, then offended, then nervous. After a moment he replied, looking down, "Mathieu… Mathieu Bellamont."

So this child wasn't Lucien's son. Well, maybe not by blood, but she was no fool. Lucien was this young one's father in every sense of the word, she quickly deduced. "Mathieu," she said, testing it. He looked up at her, uncertain and slightly nervous. He shifted uncomfortably and her smile fell to concern. For a moment he looked terrified, then grief stricken, then blank, then normal once more. She wondered very much what this young boy's story was.

"Who are you?" Mathieu demanded.

She summed him up then smiled softly. The boy was jealous, the boy felt threatened by her presence. She saw it in his eyes. Amused, she asked, "Has he talked of me so often?"

Mathieu started. She had caught on. Was he really so obvious? After a moment he answered, "Yes."

"Do not worry about my relationship with your father. There is nothing between us. You are rather young to be a member of the Black Hand," she remarked.

"He was quick to advance. He would have been quicker still if Lucien had been willing to let it happen. You know how protective parents can be. Mathieu is the most skilled member we have had since Lucien joined, and until _you_ came, Athaya," Vicente narrated. "Do not underestimate him."

"You came to watch me, to learn of me. What do you want to know?" she asked.

"Why Lucien Lachance is so intrigued by you," Mathieu replied.

"If only I could answer your question," she replied. She was intrigued by this young one. The boy lowered his head, feeling as if he were a child being talked to by his mother. Without another word he quickly passed her. She worriedly creased her forehead.

"Don't worry about him. He… is complicated. His life has been far from easy," Vicente said. "Perhaps one day you will learn, but not now."

ES

Mathieu raced from the sanctuary as fast as he could. He galloped far into the woods then leapt from the horse and began furiously striking a tree over and over, cursing the gods. Exhausted finally, he collapsed with a sob. What on earth had _happened_ back there? That woman, Athaya... For a moment he had been reminded of his mother. For a moment, just a moment, he'd felt like he had a mother again. Mommy, mommy, I'm sorry. I don't want another mother. I only want you, only you. This will end soon mommy, I promise. And this woman, this intruder and imposter, will help me…

ES

The Black Hand worriedly watched the shivering boy. He was ill. It seemed he was getting ill more and more often these days, and it worried them. "What is wrong with him?" Shaleez asked sadly.

"I do not know, but perhaps Vicente can be of some assistance," Arquen answered. "We will bring him to the Cheydinhal sanctuary immediately."

Needless to say, Vicente and the others were just as worried as they watched the boy. Vicente looked frustrated. "I don't know what this is, but it is dangerous. A fever is normally no cause for alarm, but when it is accompanied by such weakness that one cannot move, when it is accompanied by shivering and potential delusions, it is more threatening.

Athaya listened quietly then moved up to the bed. She sat and placed a cold cloth to his head. He whimpered. "I've seen something like this before, in prison. Three prisoners contracted something very similar. One died within the day, the other barely recovered, but his mental state and bodily strength was never the same, the third was lucky and made it through." She shook her head and looked up at Banus, saying, "Get Lucien Lachance. If there is a chance that… that Mathieu won't survive, he should know." Banus nodded and quickly left. The others cleared out, leaving her alone with the child. She looked back down at him and soothed, stroking his hair, "Hush, little one, save your strength. You can make it. Father will be here soon." He seemed to settle and she smiled worriedly.

ES

Lucien heard the approaching footsteps as he sharpened his blade. Guardedly he turned. He relaxed, though, on seeing who appeared. Banus entered looking worried and stressed. "Banus?" Lucien asked curiously, placing the stone down and rising. "What is it?" he asked cautiously.

"It's Mathieu," Banus replied. Lucien paled. Whenever those words left the mouths of his visitors, he knew, it was never, _ever_, good.

"What's happened?" Lucien demanded sharply. Had he run away? Had he been injured? Had he been _killed_? Oh gods, anything but that.

"He's… ill, Lucien. Very, very ill," Banus replied. "He's feverish, in pain, and he… he's becoming delirious."

Lucien felt a knot twisting in his stomach. "Where is he?" Lucien asked.

"We brought him to Cheydinhal, hoping Vicente or M'Raaj-Dar could come up with something. You do not have to come, my friend, I just thought I should warn you… I meant tell you!" Banus quickly covered.

"Warn?" Lucien icily asked.

Banus shifted uncomfortably. Finally he said, "We… aren't sure if he'll pull through this time." Lucien went white. Without another word he strode passed Banus. Helplessly Banus followed, kicking himself for ever speaking.

ES

Athaya watched the child worriedly. She was working fervently to bring down his fever and to stop the pain and the delusions, but the boy was getting worse. He was seeing dead bodies dancing all around. He was screaming for someone to chase them away. And voices… He talked incessantly of voices and begged the others to make them stop.

"What is this?" she quietly asked Telaendril, who was about to hurry by.

Telaendril paused and looked at her. After a long moment she replied, "We've given up on finding that out, but if something isn't done quickly, more permanent effects to both his mind and body could be felt, as you said happened to the second prisoner you mentioned."

Athaya looked pityingly at the child. The others had finally stopped. There was nothing they could do anymore. They just watched helplessly on. She pursed her lips then leaned towards him. The other watched curiously. He was whimpering helplessly. Gently Athaya cupped his cheek softly. "Shh, shh. Hush, child, hush. It's all right, it's all right," she soothed, trying to calm him.

"Mommy, I so afraid. I miss you mommy. I just want you to kiss me again," he whispered.

Gently she bent and pressed her lips to the boy's forehead. He sobbed and tried to cuddle closer to her. She allowed it and pulled him up, letting his head rest upon her chest. He needed a mother. Protectively she rocked him and sang softly until his whimpering began to die down. Just then there was another weight on the bed. She opened her eyes and caught her breath. He was there. _He_ was there. And she was lost in his eyes, so filled with relief and gratefulness… Before she could stop herself she had shivered. The moment ended as soon as it started, though, and Lucien was gently stroking the child's hair and whispering to him soothing words.

Soon enough the boy fell asleep. Gently Athaya laid him back down, and the room cleared out. Except Lucien… Lucien looked up at her and said, "Thank you." She stayed silent, simply bowing her head. Quickly she rose and left, cursing the blush she felt upon her cheeks. With every step she felt his eyes upon her.

ES

It was a week before Mathieu recovered, and most of that time had been spent asleep. But when he was awake he watched. Oh how he watched. He saw how Lucien followed Athaya's every movement with his eyes, never looking away. He never even looked away when Mathieu purposely whimpered, except to perhaps spare a glance. And he saw her meet Lucien's eyes once or twice and suddenly freeze. _She_ was watching _Lucien_ as closely as _Lucien_ was watching _her_. Mathieu didn't approve. At least, that's what he told himself.

He liked Athaya, though. Athaya was nice to him. She was like a mother to him. No! No, she wasn't… But to the shock of everyone, including himself, she had been the only one who had been able to coax him into taking the medicine he'd been told to take. No argument, no battle, no blood bath, thank the gods, because it had taken this whole sanctuary to hold him down at _twelve_. At _this_ age they wouldn't have been able to even get _near_ him without being stabbed.

He couldn't let his approval of her get in his way. His plans had to go into action. What plans you ask? Why, the plans he'd dreamed about as he suffered in that feverish coma of course, what else? He'd seen mommy again, and he'd been with her and she'd been sad but then happy when he wept and told her he wouldn't forsake her. Then mommy had told him what to do, but he'd argued, but mommy would have none of it. But… but he didn't _want_ to. He _didn't_! But he did… Oh how he did.

ES

"Mathieu," Lucien said softly, snapping him out of the daze. He realized where he was, sitting by a fire with Lucien. He'd been in a daze? Surprise came to his eyes, then anguish. Why wouldn't it leave him alone? Why did the voices keep talking to him? Why couldn't it all just end and leave him alone?

"Yes?" Mathieu asked.

"Nothing, child. I was losing you, that's all," Lucien replied. No, no. You've already lost me Lucien. You lost me long ago. There is no sympathy in me anymore, no love. You are nothing. You are _nothing_! You ruined my life. You took everything from me. But it wasn't all your fault, I know it wasn't. It was the Night Mother's! _She_ ordered it! It's _her_ fault this is happening to me, to us. It's _her_ fault you will die.

"But… but I don't want you to die," Mathieu whimpered, and Lucien looked sharply at him, fearfully. Mathieu cursed himself. I'm sorry mommy, I'm sorry! It just slipped out, I promise. I want him to die, I do… No, I don't, I don't. I love him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him! But… but I don't, I don't! I love him. He made me love him. Oh gods, why couldn't Lucien hate him like everyone else? Why couldn't Lucien turn his back on him? Why couldn't Lucien open his eyes and see all he was blind to? Then Lucien would kill him. Lucien would kill him but that would be okay because then Lucien wouldn't have to die, no one would have to die. He didn't want any more death, he didn't, he didn't! "Lucien," he whimpered fearfully.

In less than a heartbeat Lucien was there, drawing him close and tight. Lucien knew the tone. The boy was frightened, the boy's thoughts were catching up with him. All his memories, all his sorrows… and that fever… It had only made it all the worse. "I am here, child of darkness, I am here," Lucien vowed.

"You won't leave me. I don't want you to leave me. You won't die, you won't!" Mathieu said.

"What are you talking about?" Lucien softly asked.

Suddenly seeming to come back to himself, Mathieu answered, "Nothing, Speaker. I'm just…distracted. And dizzy. The fever… it took its toll on me."

"You must rest, my son. Rest. No more contracts until you've recovered, do you understand me?" Lucien asked.

"Yes papa," Mathieu replied. Weakly he pulled away and rose to walk. Lucien watched worriedly after him.


	24. Driven Into Madness

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: At this point in time, Mathieu has gone passed the point of no return, so this chapter is probably one of the darkest, and it probably delves into Mathieu's mind more than any chapter since chapter one.)

Driven Into Madness

**Entry 10: **_Father prayed and guess who came? The hooded man in Sithis' name. Who left but then he came once more to pass through window, wall, and door. I lie in fear my mouth agape, as wicked blade did cleave your nape; for I was watching 'neath the bed to see the falling of your head. And when your face lie on the floor, our loving eyes did meet once more. And so I pledged to you that day, the Brotherhoood would dearly pay. And just as they took me from you I'd find and kill their mother too. But there's some place I need to start and that's with father's beating heart; and when that's done I'll sing and dance, to celebrate a dead Lachance!_

ES

"I'm too tired. I'm too tired," Mathieu sobbed, rocking back and forth on hands and knees. "So, so tired. I-I can't fight it anymore. I can't! Oh divines, mercy, please, mercy! _Help_ me! Daedra, Aedra, don't let me lose this battle, don't let me lose…!" he prayed. But even as he spoke he knew it was too late. Too, too late. "I don't want this fate!" he suddenly shrieked to the skies, but even as the last word left his mouth he knew… He was lost. He was lost, and helplessly he toppled into the black abyss of his mind. He was beyond the point of no return. No more could Lucien help him, nor Athaya, nor anyone. No more could he keep control of his mind and his emotions. For all his intelligence he couldn't fight it. For all the will and spirit he possessed it wasn't enough. For all everything that he had… it wouldn't work. Not anymore, not anymore…

ES

He gazed at his last journal entry silently, eyes as cold as stone. He wanted to rip it up because after everything… after everything he was still trying to fight. Whatever semblance of normality that remained in him, it was trying so, so hard to save him, to help him. It wouldn't win, though. It _couldn't_ win. Not anymore. He shut the book as Lucien came towards him to meet him by the ocean and lighthouse. Icily he glared at the man, murder and hatred in his eyes. Lucien paused, seeing it.

Immediately guarded, the man asked, "What have I done _this_ time?"

"Nothing," Mathieu replied. "Nothing at all."

"Then what prompts such a gaze from you?" Lucien challenged.

"Jealousy," he answered simply.

"Of whom?" Lucien asked.

"You _know_ who!" Mathieu barked.

Lucien was silent a long moment. Finally he replied, "I hardly know her, and child, it is more than jealousy that prompts this gaze."

"I hate you," Mathieu growled.

Lucien pursed his lips tightly. "So you have said time and time again."

"I despise you. The very ground you walk on is a _curse_ upon me. Every moment you breathe is another suffering for _me_," Mathieu said.

Lucien scowled. Part of him wanted to argue, but there was the other part… The words were tearing at his heart, breaking it to pieces. Perhaps peace was the way to approach it this time. "Child, what have I done to you?" he softly asked, scowl falling to fatigue and eyes filling with pain and hurt.

"_Everything_!" Mathieu yelled, but the boy's voice cracked and he sobbed, covering his mouth. Lucien tried to approach, eyes gentle, worried, hand reaching out. "Don't touch me! Don't even come near me!" Mathieu yelled. He wanted to hate him. He wanted to hate Lucien. How dare the man approach him? How dare this man gaze at him so lovingly, so worriedly? He didn't want to love Lucien, he _didn't_! Why did Lucien make it so hard? "I don't _want_ to love you anymore! I don't _want_ to!"

"Mathieu…" Lucien began, stepping back uncertainly.

"Why did you make me love you? Why do you _still_ make me _love_ you! _Hate_ me, Lucien, _hate_ me!" Mathieu screamed.

"What has driven you to this madness?" Lucien asked.

Mathieu laughed sharply. "Madness? You do not know the _meaning_ of madness," he growled. "Stay away from me! Hate me, Lucien, hate me! _Kill_ me!" Lucien felt his heart drop at the last two words, and judging by Mathieu's shock, the boy couldn't believe he'd said those words _himself_. After a long moment Mathieu repeated, "Kill me…" Suddenly anguish sprang to his expression and he sobbed. "I want to die. Oh gods, I want to die," he exclaimed, falling to his knees, face buried in his hands.

"Mathieu, _please_…" Lucien began, trying again to go to the boy, to comfort him.

"Stay away!" Mathieu yelled, leaping up and suddenly bolting passed him.

"Mathieu!" Lucien called after him. Mathieu kept running. Tears in his eyes, Lucien silently whispered, "Forgive me…"

ES

**Entry 11: **_greenblueREDyelloworange, greenblueREDyelloworange, greenblueREDyelloworange, greenblueREDyelloworange, greenblueREDyelloworange, greenblueREDyelloworange, greenblueREDyelloworange, BLACKBLACKBLACKBLACKBLACK!_

ES

Mathieu dragged as many of the bodies out as he could, making piles. He wanted them gone. He didn't want to see them anymore. He wanted to be free of madness! He put a torch to them and watched each pile go up in smoke. Would the madness go away now? No, no, it was screaming at him even worse!

All he saw was the blood and the yellow and orange flames. He saw the blue smoke, and through the smoke the peace of the green forests. Green, blue, red, yellow, orange, green, blue, red, yellow, orange. Oh gods, the darkness was coming back. Please, please, at least give me a chance to fight! Just _one_! But I will not get it, will I, because if I do you know, you all know, that I would win. And that isn't your plan for me. It was getting so black. He fell to the ground, he wanted to sob, but he couldn't… he couldn't… Black, black, black, black, black!

ES

**Entry 12: **_I've been careless! __**Too**__ careless. The bodies, the burnings. Killing that fool Blanchard was the worst mistake I've made so __**far**__. I was seen! I was cloaked and hooded, and escaped into shadow, so no one learned my true identity. But now the Black Hand is suspicions. They suspect treachery, suspect a traitor! I must be more cautious than ever._

ES

Mathieu gazed in shock at the ones who had spotted him. There was an intense pause. All at once Mathieu turned and fled as quickly as possible, far from the body of the man Blanchard. The ones who had spotted him were pursuing him. He cursed himself a thousand times. Careless. He'd been too careless. Now they would know. Now the Black Hand would suspect treachery. Oh gods, what had he done? He couldn't even remember why he'd _killed_ the man. And the other bodies… the bodies filling his lighthouse, the bodies fuelling fires in his dreams.

He felt sick a moment. Dreams? _Were_ they dreams, or had the fires been reality? Had he truly _burned_ them? Oh _gods_, no, please, _please_, no. It hadn't been a dream, it hadn't! He-he didn't want this. He didn't want insanity. He realized he was sobbing helplessly, mind trying to block out everything. He wouldn't let it, he wouldn't! He was sick of the madness, sick of losing control! Please, please, please, mercy, I beg you immortals, mercy! Do not force this destiny upon me? Why can't I fight it? When all other destinies can be fought, why not _mine_? Give me the chance, please! Give me the chance to release myself. It would never be, though. It would never be. And the next thing he knew he was back at Anvil Lighthouse, under the covers of his bed.

ES

**Entry 13: **_When in the snow I like to lie and fold my arms and wait to die._

ES

Always watching, Lucien was always watching. So cautious, so guarded, so miserable. They hadn't spoken since their meeting at the Lighthouse, not once. But Lucien still watched. He was watching now, as the young boy lay upon the ground in the snow, and the man's heart, the thing he'd long given up for gone, was shattering with each second that passed. The boy was silently weeping and somehow, Lucien knew, Mathieu was also waiting. Waiting for death, waiting for respite… but it would never come to him.

"Oh gods, let me die," he heard the boy whimper. Then Lucien let the tears fall from his eyes. He heard the words the boy chanted over and over and over, driving even _him_ to madness. "When in the snow I like to lie and fold my arms and wait to die. When in the snow I like to lie and fold my arms and wait to die."

Each time it was said the boy's voice would break, and for a moment, just a moment, Lucien longed to grant him that respite. For a moment, just a moment, Lucien would have given anything to go to the child and pull him close and gently, painlessly, end his life, end his suffering. By Sithis, could no one see that he would have given up his _everything_ if it meant the child would be happy again? He would give his _life_, he would give the _world_, if it meant Mathieu was freed from the prison of his mind, if only it meant the child was given another chance…

Lucien sobbed and covered his mouth, closing his eyes tightly as the boy drew his own blade and cut himself deeply, watching in morbid fascination as the red liquid stained the snow. Lucien forced himself to look up. Mathieu was gazing in his direction, and Lucien just knew the boy sensed he was near, knew the boy wanted him to go to him and comfort him and vow everything would be all right… But it wouldn't. He knew it wouldn't. And he would not make a promise he couldn't keep. Not to the child, never to the child. But he did go out, and he did go towards Mathieu, and Mathieu wanted so badly to scream at him and tell him to leave, but he didn't have the energy…

Meekly Mathieu waited. Lucien was coming. Mathieu looked back at the blade. He wanted to die. He just wanted to die with daddy here and at his side where nothing could ever harm him; and daddy would hold him close and weep for him and love him until the moment he passed away, and then he would be free and everything would be all right… He took a deep breath and raised the dagger, fully prepared to take his own life this time. This time he wouldn't be foiled, as he had before. This time he wouldn't be stopped. But Lucien saw what he was planning, and just like he'd ruined everything else he ruined this. The man raced to him, reached him in time, fell to his knees at his side and seized his wrists before he could kill himself.

Then Mathieu was numb, just numb, and Lucien was weeping and holding him tightly, and Mathieu heard the man begging him not to do this, begging him to come back. But Mathieu knew he couldn't come back. He could never come back. Not anymore. Not anymore. "Forgive me," he whispered weakly, and he wanted to be forgiven for so, so much. For the past, for all he'd ever done, and for what he knew he was going to do in the very near future. "Forgive me," he pled again, and he could talk no more. He simply burst into sobs as Lucien held him and cradled him and kissed his head and told him how much he loved him and that he would do anything if it meant saving him. But Lucien was too late… Can't you see you are too late, daddy? You're too late…

* * *

(A/N: I mentioned a song earlier that seemed to fit Mathieu fairly well, in some aspects. Mordred's lullaby by Heather Dale:

Hush child, the darkness will rise from the deep and carry you down into,  
Sleep child, darkness will rise from the deep and carry you down into...

Guileless son I'll shape your belief,  
And you'll always know that your father's a thief,  
And you won't understand the cause of your grief,  
But you'll always follow the voices beneath.

Loyalty, loyalty, loyalty, loyalty, loyalty, loyalty, loyaly, only to me.

Guileless son your spirit will hate her  
The flower who married my brother the traitor  
And you will expose his puppeteer behavior  
For you are the proof of how he betrayed her loyalty

Loyalty, loyalty, loyalty, loyalty, loyalty, loyalty only to me

Hush child the darkness will rise from the deep and carry you down into  
Sleep child darkness will rise from the deep and carry you down into...

Guileless son each day you grow older  
Each moment I'm watching my vengeance unfold  
For the child of my body the flesh of my soul  
Will die returning the birthright he stole.

Loyalty loyalty loyalty loyalty loyalty loyalty loyalty only to me.

Hush child the darkness will rise from the deep and carry you down into  
Sleep child the darkness will rise from the deep and carry you down into sleep...

Loyalty, loyalty, loyalty loyalty loyalty loyalty loyalty only to me


	25. Purification

**Child Of Darkness**

Purification

Athaya left the sanctuary immediately, heading to Fort Farragut. He had summoned her. Lucien Lachance had personally summoned her. She didn't know why. She wasn't sure she _wanted_ to know. Everything was telling her that this would be bad; so, so bad. Everything was telling her that darkness loomed on the horizon, and that… that everything she'd come to know and love was doomed to be robbed from her… And all her senses told her that the ones who would suffer more than anyone else were the two whom she had come to care the deepest _for_. What have you done, Speaker? What have you done, Silencer? What am _I_ about to do? She shivered. She never wanted to know…

ES

She entered his hideaway at his summons, appearing like some apparition. He himself had very nearly thought that a ghost was just what she _was_. "I have been waiting for you assassin. We have not spoken in some time, but I am well aware of your accomplishments within the Dark Brotherhood. That is why I have sent for you. I'm afraid there is a… situation. The time has come to test both your skill and your loyalty to Sithis. The Black Hand has learned that the Dark Brotherhood has been infiltrated. By whom, and for what purpose, we do not yet know. What we _do_ know is that there is some link between the traitor and the Cheydinhal Sanctuary. The traitor has tainted that place beyond repair. It was learned that the traitor has been active for quite some time. Since before you joined the Brotherhood. That absolves you of any suspicion," Lucien declared.

It was then that she spoke… Spoke for the first time he had ever heard; and her voice… Her voice sent shivers up and down his spine. "I will serve you to time immemorial," she declared. Oh gods, he felt as if he were in another _world_. She'd spoken…

"And that, dear child, is why the Black Hand has chosen you to perform the ancient rite known as Purification. Everyone inside the sanctuary must die," he stated.

He heard her catch her breath, her eyes filling with fear and sadness, and oh immortals, her tears… The tears glittering in her eyes made him want to draw her close and swear to her that everything would be all right. But it wouldn't… Somehow he knew it would never be all right again. But he never wanted to see another look of anguish in her eyes or expression. He didn't want to continue, he truly didn't, but it must be made known to her. "You must break one of the tenets you have sworn to uphold. I know this is an unexpected turn of events, but drastic measures must be taken. Ocheeva… Vicente Valtieri… Antoinetta Marie, Gogron gro-Bolmog, Telaendril, M'raaj Dar, and Teinaava. All of these family members must die…" he declared, and he'd never thought any words could cut so deeply, hurt so _badly_, as those had…

Vicente had been his best friend, along with Banus; and he knew, he just _knew_, that Vicente was innocent. Banus had begged in tears for the vampire to be spared, if no one else. He supposed he should have pled as well. He should have at least _tried_… but he hadn't. He hadn't, and it didn't matter anyway. It didn't matter… And her… Her misery made it all the more painful; so betrayed, so hurt, so miserable, and he wished in that moment that he could die, for if she came to hate him… If she came to hate him, her hatred would end him so much more painfully than anything he could _imagine_. He closed his eyes tightly at the thought, and he knew… If she had attacked him then, he would not have fought back. If she had killed him there it would have been a blessing.

"From this point forward you are no longer bound by the five tenets. Sithis will forgive any murder, any theft, so long as you serve the Black Hand. When the rite of Purification has been completed, return to me here at Fort Farragut, and we will discuss your future," he said; and for a moment there was hatred. For a moment he knew she wanted to kill him, but then understanding came to her eyes and she bowed her head low. Oh to turn his back so he would no longer have to watch… "Now take these special gifts. They will help you greatly. One is a poisoned apple, the other a unique scroll of summoning. Good luck… Silencer."

She looked up at him slowly, lips parted in awe, tears in her eyes. He cringed, and this time it was _he_ who looked down. She knelt before him and answered, "Thank you, Speaker."

"Make haste. The sanctuary must be purified if this treachery is to be undone," he quickly ordered, wanting her gone. If she stayed any longer, he would fall, he would break, he would not go through with it… She understood. She saw and understood, and for a moment he wanted to sob and fall to his hands and knees and tear at his hair. All around him the life he had built for himself was collapsing, and the only beacon of light in all of this darkness was her, her, always her. He couldn't deny it anymore and he wouldn't. She filled his dreams. Every hope and prayer he breathed for some semblance of normality, some future, some light and goodness, centered upon _her_; this woman who had spoken only ten words to him. He was tired of being the comforter. He wanted to be the one comforted. She rose and left without a word, and then… then he let himself fall to the ground and sob until he couldn't weep _anymore_.

ES

She looked back only once, before leaving the Cheydinhal sanctuary, and her eyes filled with tears. The hurt in their eyes, the betrayal… Oh _gods_! To erase the memory of the looks in their eyes as she cut them down… To erase the memory of their words. "Night Mother have mercy!"

"Night Mother forgive me!"

"Night Mother protect me!"

"Why, sister, why?"

Shaking with misery she sobbed and turned, running from the sanctuary. Running as far from everything as she possibly _could_. She was right. The darkness had begun to fall upon her, and she saw no escape, no goodness. What more misery could possibly be inflicted upon her, upon the Dark Brotherhood? No light, no light in this blackness… Say for one… Her Speaker, her master. And the child… always the child…

ES

She returned to him in tears. He saw it. Anguish so set upon her features that she never even looked up. He watched silently. Finally he said, "The ritual of purification is complete. Well done. Sithis has been appeased and the time has come to acknowledge and reward your unwavering loyalty."

Then the last thing he expected happened. She burst into tears and fled into his arms. Shocked, he held her tightly as she sobbed mournfully into his chest, shaking her head in denial. He didn't know what to do, what to say. He swallowed and felt tears burning his own eyes. When was the last time he'd wept so _often_? This was not the way of a hardened assassin. He forced them back and continued, "The Black Hand is most pleased with your progress. You have been invited to share in secrets that few within the Dark Brotherhood even know _exist_. Your life in the sanctuary is over. Those contracts are behind you. Now, you will serve the Black Hand. You will serve _me_." She shivered in his embrace. "From this moment forward you will walk the shadows as my Silencer. You will receive contracts only from me. Your new life has begun."

She continued to weep and he was afraid. Afraid she would speak no more. But then she questioned fearfully, "But… but what must I do _now_?" He felt her fear and confusion. Everything torn from her in a single night, all she'd come to know and love gone; and she was vulnerable. So, so _vulnerable_.

"No longer will you receive your orders directly. Instead, you will visit secret dead drops. Your next contract can be found at the dead drop on Hero Hill, southeast of here. A hollow in the moss covered rock contains all you need to know," he told her gently. "When you leave here, we will not speak again unless I deem it necessary. Ah yes, there is one last thing. I have for you a very special gift. Waiting just outside is a magnificent steed named Shaodowmere. She has served me well. I present her now to you, as a token of my trust… and love…"

ES

She looked up at him slowly, eyes meeting his, lips parted ever so slightly; and how he wanted to place his own upon them and never let her go. He didn't have to. _She_ was the one who advanced. Before he could ready himself her lips were against his softly, gently, lovingly… She stole his breath away, and he softly cupped her cheek and kissed her desperately back. Sithis only knew for how long he'd wanted to feel her lips upon his, her cold skin against his own flesh. After a moment she pulled away and said, "Must you be so wan and cold, fond master?"

"Cold?" he wondered, hardly in a whisper as he still fought to catch his breath.

"After everything, after all of this… Am I truly never to speak to you again?" she asked softly, a tear trickling down her cheek. Suddenly afraid he took her face softly and gently brushed it away. He never wanted to see her tears _again_.

Nuzzling her tenderly, he breathed, "My Silencer…"

"My Speaker," she answered, and he was shivering now, unable to stop as they nestled their foreheads.

He closed his eyes tightly. No more promises, no more explanations, please no. But it was a battle he wouldn't win. "You will see me again," he vowed to her. She sobbed and kissed him once more. As they gently parted he breathed, "Now go, and may Sithis guide you in this new stage of your life's dark journey. Go now, child of Sithis. Walk in the shadow of the Void."


	26. The Time to Act

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: There will likely be another up today.)

The Time To Act

"You are distracted, dear friend," Lucien remarked to Banus as the two sat together on a cliff, overlooking the view.

"Can you claim you feel no pain?" Banus asked. Lucien shut his eyes tightly and swallowed dryly. "I miss him," Banus remarked. "He was our best friend."

"We used to come up here, all three of us, just to talk, to strengthen or comfort each other. I feel pain, Banus. I feel much pain," Lucien assured.

"Vicente was innocent, Lucien. He was innocent. He would never have betrayed us," Banus said.

"I know… and I suppose that is what makes it all the more painful," Lucien replied.

"You have Athaya, still. Athaya and Mathieu. I have no one left but you, my brother," Banus said.

Lucien looked suddenly anguished, and Banus started. "Oh no…" he breathed, catching on. Mathieu… "What happened?"

Lucien looked down and said, "I… Mathieu is gone… I lost him long ago. I sense it, I feel it… And I don't know how or why. It frightens me, more than anything else."

"I'm sorry Lucien…" Banus said softly. "I'm sorry…"

"We are both suffering, my friend… And I know that before this is done, we will both suffer much, much more," Lucien said. Banus closed his eyes tightly. The two rose and embraced. Swiftly they went on their own ways.

ES

"This wasn't supposed to happen, this wasn't supposed to _happen_," Mathieu muttered to himself, pacing back and forth in the lighthouse. Whirling to his mother's head he screamed, "_You_ did this! It's _your_ fault! They weren't supposed to die. That wasn't in the _plan_!"

"Does the brotherhood deserve to live on?" he swore she whispered.

"With the Night Mother's demise, they would have collapsed!" Mathieu argued.

"They all must die. Everything and everyone must die," the head whispered. But was it the head, or was it his own mind? Somehow he doubted it was the head.

"No, no, _no_!" Mathieu shouted.

"You despise me, my child. They have corrupted you beyond repair," she whispered.

"They haven't, they haven't! No mommny, I didn't let them corrupt me, I didn't! You were right mommy, you were right. They needed to die. They _all_ need to die! I'm sorry for doubting you mommy, I'm sorry. I love you," he declared, sobbing helplessly and falling to hands and knees. What was he sobbing for, though? Was he sobbing for the Cheydinhal sanctuary? For Lucien? For his mother? For his lost sanity? He didn't know anymore. He didn't know. But he no longer could fight it. His plan was too far along. Now… now there was no going back.

ES

Lucien could only stare, mouth agape, as she approached him clothed in a white gown, so, so transparent. He wasn't sure whether to be relieved or annoyed that what needed to be covered was covered. She turned her head curiously at his reaction, then caught on. She smirked in amusement. "There was no trouble getting to Celedaen when I approached in this. Your appearance was so sudden. I had no time to change afterwards. Do I unnerve you, my Speaker?" she asked, amused at his reaction.

For once he _couldn't_ speak. He had made it perfectly clear that they would not speak _again_ unless he deemed it necessary, so what possessed him to watch her as she carried out her contract? It wasn't necessary in the least. Of course, he hadn't followed her inside, only to the location. He had waited until she returned. She hadn't been dressed like _this_ when she had gone in, though. He hadn't thought she'd seen him, but apparently that wasn't so. "My Silencer," he finally replied, but he could find no more words to say.

"Have I displeased you?" she asked, but he knew full well she knew the answer. In no way shape or form had she displeased him.

"No, lady, no," he swiftly replied.

"Why have you come, master?" she asked, gently twisting the fabric of his robe around a finger, seemingly fascinated with it. She looked curiously up, but curiosity changed to surprise when suddenly he took her lips. She flushed, found she couldn't breathe, then returned, melting into the embrace.

Soon he pulled away, his forehead still against hers as he nuzzled her adoringly. "Athaya, do you know my heart?" he asked.

"My lord, never would I depart from you if I did," she answered.

"My Silencer, do you know how long I have loved you?" he questioned in a whisper.

She was shivering in his embrace. Softly she murmured, "As long as I have loved _you_."

"I would have you for my wife," he stated then, sincerely and longingly, stroking her cheek, her hair, and he knew that never before had he felt anything _akin_ to this.

"Then claim me as your bride, and I will belong to you and you alone," she replied; and the moment they came upon a temple, he _had_.

ES

He felt her move next to him as she slept; every breath she took full. Proof of life in a world filled with death and darkness. He rose quietly onto an arm and gazed down at her sleeping form, her black hair cascading over the pillows. Softly he caressed her cheek then bent, sealing her lips with a kiss. He nuzzled her so adoringly… He'd long forgotten he could _feel_ such things as this. Gods, to never have to leave this embrace; to never let her out of his sight _again_. If only the world would fade away and die around them so nothing would ever interfere with this moment.

She sighed softly in sleep and breathed in as she began to wake up. Her eyes flickered open and met the eyes of her husband. She grinned softly, lovingly, and reached up, cupping his cheek. He took her hand and kissed her palm. Softly, lazily, he let his lips find their way to her stomach. There he dropped a kiss, then upon her chest, then upon her neck. She giggled, a sound like a goddess, and beamed, wrapping her arms around his neck and taking his lips. He rose from his new bride reluctantly and wrapped himself swiftly. They had work to do now, and she had a dead drop that had, as of yet, been unvisited. He'd never liked being behind schedule.

ES

"You _what_?!" Mathieu furiously yelled. Lucien cringed but said nothing. The boy had heard perfectly fine. "I knew it. I _knew_ it! You loved her," Mathieu growled, pacing agitatedly. He wasn't impressed, he wasn't happy. Athaya had been a mother figure to him, yes, but this was unacceptable. Once upon a time he would have been ecstatic. Now, though, this only complicated things _more_, namely his plan.

"Mathieu, my decisions are none of your business," Lucien said.

"Because I am no longer that important to you," he declared.

"You know that isn't true," Lucien replied. He knew he had lost this boy long ago, but that didn't mean he would stop being a father or trying to help get things back.

"Isn't it?" Mathieu sharply demanded, practically snarling.

"I will not ask you to accept it right away, but it is done and nothing will change it," Lucien said. "I have to go. I have another dead drop to visit." With that he strode out. Not this time, Lachance. Not this time. After a moment Mathieu drew his hood up and began to follow at a distance. Lucien had taught him well. Perhaps too well, because the man didn't even _guess_ he was being followed.

ES

They were celebrating how well Athaya had been rid of the Draconis family. Of course Lucien was nowhere to be seen, and it didn't take a genius to deduce that he was lurking about in his lair finding another contract for her. "Athaya is amazing. Why, I haven't seen such an ambitious family member since _Mathieu_ joined," Havilstein remarked.

Of course you haven't, Mathieu thought with a grimace. And that ambition would come in useful. Mathieu muttered to Banus, "I don't feel well."

"What's wrong, child?" Banus asked.

"I don't know. Just… I need to go," Mathieu replied. Quickly he rose and walked away. He had waited and stalked Lucien long enough. Now it was time to act.

ES

**Entry 14: **_I've been switching them! Switching the dead drops! It was so easy! I tracked Lachance from his lair at Fort Farragut to the first dead drop location. After Lachance placed the orders, when I was sure he was gone, I switched them! It was so easy. Now Lachance's fool Silencer is working for __**us**__, mother! Oh, the fun we'll have. One of the Black Hand told me they haven't seen such an ambitious family member since __**I**__ first joined the Dark Brotherhood. I will use that very ambition to my own advantage. The fool will never question the dead drops, and as I write this is en route to the first target—one of the very members of the Black Hand! And so it begins. Lachance's silencer will kill one high ranking Brotherhood member, then another, then another, and so on, until the entire family implodes. Eventually, as is the custom, the survivors will consult the Night Mother and seek her guidance. When that day comes, I will be there, ready to plunge a blade into that dark whore's fetid heart!_

ES

They gravely gazed one last time upon Havilstein's body, not one eye dry. Finally Arquen declared. "We must discover the traitor's identity, before anyone _else_ is killed."

"I told you Cheydinhal was innocent," Banus declared. "And all those brothers and sisters… gone for no reason."

"The only ones it could possibly be are in this room now, with exception to Lucien and Athaya," Belisarius declared. "We know Athaya is innocent, she is just following orders. She's never even met any of us except for Lucien and Mathieu."

Mathieu twitched. They could _not_ be this _daft_. He knew he was clever, intelligent, his plan was brilliant, but still… they could not be this _daft_. "The answer is obvious, don't you think?" he finally remarked.

The others looked at him curiously. "Obvious?" Arquen asked.

Mathieu could have burst into laughter, and almost did. Even _now_? "Never mind," he said, looking suddenly uncertain, suddenly nervous. It was strange. He didn't know, anymore, if his hesitancy was genuine or faked.

"Speak, young one," Belisarius prompted.

Mathieu looked reluctantly up, eyes filled with pain and worry. Was if faked, was it real? It didn't matter anymore, he supposed. It didn't matter… Banus' eyes lit up in realization, as did the eyes of the others. "Lucien Lachance," Arquen said in realization. Mathieu swallowed dryly, and this one he _knew_ was real. He looked miserably down but steeled himself. It was almost over. It was almost over. He looked slowly up and nodded.

ES

"No…" Banus breathed, pale. "No, it can't be! It can't! Not Lucien. Lucien's loyalty is unwavering. He loves the Brotherhood with his whole being! Please, please, Lucien is innocent, he's innocent! Oh Sithis!" Banus sobbed, covering his mouth. His remaining best friend was going to die, and this time innocent sounded unbelievable even to his _own_ ears, though he just knew it must be true… But who else could it have possibly _been_? Athaya received her dead drops, she carried them out, and Lucien… Lucien was the one who gave them to her. Lucien gave them to her, and now _he_ was going to lose _everything_.

"How long have you suspected…?" Ungolim asked Mathieu.

Mathieu answered, "Since… since that night I left dinner early, after Athaya had completed the Draconis contract. Perhaps even earlier."

There was silence. Finally Arquen said, "Then we know what must be done."

Banus shook his head in denial, closing his eyes tightly. "Lucien Lachance must die," Belisarius quietly, sadly, said. Mathieu said nothing, staring only at the ground. See mother, see, I told you I would go through with it. I told you… Why mother, why? Why did you have to make me kill him? Why did you have to take him away from me? I don't want him to die. I don't want him to die…


	27. Applewatch

**Child Of Darkness**

(A/N: Second up today and last chapter. "So now we reach the end, the grand finale"—Cicero. Thank you readers and reviewers. I hope you've enjoyed.)

Applewatch

**Entry 15: **_!eid lliw ecnahcaL neicuL_

ES

Lucien fled desperately from the most recent attack. Belisarius, this time. And he'd very nearly succeeded, _too_. Lucien slid into a ditch and pulled into the shadows. He heard the footsteps of his fellow speaker pause. Belisarius was searching for him. He was right above him. All the man had to do was kneel and look beneath the ledge, and he would spot him. But soon enough Belisarius pulled away and ran off.

They had been watching Fort Farragut, and it hadn't taken a genius to see what they believed, what they were doing. Damn her. _Damn_ her! She had betrayed him… She had played him for a fool. He scowled at the thought. Who was she after next, was the question. Something told him he knew. Ungolim. His heart plummeted. He needed to stop this madness, while there was still a _chance_.

ES

Hours later… He cursed under his breath. Arquen was in the city he'd fled to! She had spotted him. Now he pulled closely against a wall, having just dodged out of sight. He watched Arquen stalk the street searching for any sign of him. Soon she moved on, and he had to get out of here. They were _everywhere_. How could only five Black Hand members be everywhere at _once_? He felt pain tearing at his heart. Even Banus would turn on him now, he knew, no matter how badly the man didn't want to. And Mathieu… He nearly broke down at the thought. The child he had raised from practically infancy was now his enemy, and that hurt him even more than his lover's treachery…

He slipped out of the city and walked cautiously beside the river. The noise would mask his footsteps, but there was a downside to that. He wouldn't be able to hear anyone approaching _him_. Almost as if in response a figure stepped out from behind a tree and he froze, gasping. His hand went to his dagger. Banus! Curse the man's hearing and sight. He'd forgotten about that. "Banus," he breathed.

"You know what I must do," Banus stated solemnly.

"I am innocent," Lucien declared.

"I wish you _were_," he answered. "Do not try to pin this on Athaya, Lucien. She never even knew who we were."

"I am innocent," Lucien repeated.

"Then may Sithis forgive me, and you, dear friend," Banus replied. All at once he lunged, attacking. Lucien dodged swiftly and parried the blow. Immediately he dove into the river without another thought. He knew there was a waterfall up ahead. With luck, Banus would think he'd gone over and perished. He would go over, yes, but he wouldn't perish. He would be sure of _that_.

He heard the roaring, lungs ready to burst after how long he'd been under. He wasn't sure if Banus was even still following, but he wouldn't take chances. He braced himself and let the waterfall sweep him over. He felt like screaming in pain as he hit the bottom, barely missing a rock but still hitting his arm against it. Luckily the blow had only been a glancing one. Perhaps there was a fracture, but nothing he couldn't handle. He let the river carry him a little farther, then finally dragged himself onto land coughing and crawling.

ES

He thought he was safe, but then the tip of a sword was against his throat. He caught his breath and slowly looked up. Sadness and resignation came to his eyes. Mathieu… Lucien didn't move to draw his blade, though. He simply rose onto his knees and gazed up at the child… It seemed like only yesterday he had cradled this little one in his arms, had comforted him, had nursed him back to health when he was ill, had protected him. He still saw the delight and gratefulness and… and love in the little boy's eyes as he received the dragon teddy, the dagger, so many gifts. He still remembered the excitement when he had promised him he would take him across all of Tamriel one day, not just to Skyrim, but everywhere. He was still watching the child, even the teenager, drift to sleep as he sang the lullaby he'd composed so long ago especially for this boy.

He knew drawing his dagger would be pointless, because no matter what happened he wouldn't be able to kill the young man standing before him. "You too believe I am guilty?" he asked the boy.

Mathieu flinched, only for a second, but he flinched. The man's tone was so hurt, so saddened, so betrayed… For a moment he wanted to burst into tears and confess everything. But he was too far along now, and mommy was screaming for him to finish Lucien off… But he couldn't… He couldn't. Tears pricking the boy's eyes, he looked quickly down so Lucien wouldn't see. But Lucien saw. Lucien always saw.

"It's all right, my child of darkness. It's all right," Lucien softly soothed. But it wasn't all right, Mathieu knew, it _wasn't_! He didn't want this. He didn't want Lucien to die… _He_ wanted to die. He wanted to die at Lucien's hand.

"Don't _tell_ me it's going to be all right, Lachance," Mathieu hissed.

"There is nothing else I _can_ say," he answered, slowly standing up. "My son, I have never yet broken a promise to you. I have let you down, I have been late, but I have never yet broken a vow to you."

Mathieu looked up at the man, fear in his eyes. His hand wavered, and finally he lowered it and sobbed. Lucien gently drew him close. "You will die. You will die at our hands, and I will help them."

"I know," Lucien replied. "I know…"

"You _don't_ know! You believe I won't go through with it Lucien, but I will, I will!" Mathieu insisted. And he would laugh and dance and feel like singing and celebrating as it was done. Lucien didn't know, he _didn't_! And Mathieu would see the hurt and the betrayal, and he would see Lucien finally put everything together and watch his love turn to hatred. It was too late to change it, though. It was too late… Lucien would retreat to Applewatch, Mathieu knew. He knew because Applewatch was the place no one would suspect, and Lucien was highly intelligent, clever, and wily. But so was he, and he knew how Lucien's mind worked. He'd been _raised_ by the man for Sithis' sake. Lucien finally drew back, gently stroking the boy's hair. Mathieu sobbed as Lucien placed one last loving kiss upon his forehead. Without a word more Lucien raced away, knowing Mathieu would do nothing to stop him. Not yet. Then Mathieu surrendered. Let mommy and madness take his mind. Let them have him. If he didn't, he would _never_ go through with this.

ES

"No. _No_! I thought I could _get_ here in time, thought I could _stop_ you! By Sithis, what have you done? What madness has claimed you? You have betrayed me. You have betrayed the Dark Brotherhood! _Why_?!" he demanded of her, and his tone held such hurt, such confusion, such anger and hatred that she felt like dying.

"What do you mean?" she breathed fearfully, backing away from him as he advanced like a predator. "Minion, how have I betrayed you?!" she begged. He raised his hand as if to strike her. She gasped and turned away, waiting for the blow. It never came. He couldn't bring himself to hit her, even now. What had happened? What had she done to incite his wrath?

She sank down against the wall of a building and curled against it. Voice quaking in fury and hatred he declared, "I am here to end your miserable life. To…" He trailed off, however, and looked down at her, seeming to catch up with his emotions. He turned his head curiously, reading her, summing her up, just as he had so often before. In that moment of silence she'd wanted burst into tears and beg his forgiveness, though for what she was unsure as of yet. It seemed forever until he spoke again, saying. "But… I can see the confusion in your eyes. You… you have no idea what I'm _talking_ about, _do_ you?"

He saw that she was terrified, gazing at him in hurt and fear as she cowered against the wall, and for a dreadful moment he feared she would say nothing in response. He feared she would burst into tears or flee. But she didn't. "No," she simply breathed in response.

"Your first dead drop contract. You carried that out, killed Celedaen. After that you eliminated the Draconis family, as ordered. Then, betrayal. Your dead drops went unvisited, your targets ignored. Instead you have been systematically killing off all the members of the Black Hand. J'Ghaasta, Shaleez, Alval Uvani, Havilstein Hoar-Blood. Speakers and Silencers all. And Ungolim. The Listener _himself_!"

She looked sharply at the body of Ungolim and suddenly appeared sick. "Oh gods!" she exclaimed, covering her mouth and sobbing, shaking her head in denial. What had she done? What had she done? He watched silently, for a long moment saying nothing, and in that pause she wished he had struck her dead, but no… He knelt down and took her arms, pulling her to her feet and placing his forehead against hers. She sensed his guilt and leaned into his neck, nuzzling him. Then he said the words that would continue to haunt her darkest nightmares for the rest of eternity…

ES

"The surviving members of the Black Hand know that you're innocent, know you were only following orders. They believe _I_ am the traitor," he admitted.

She looked up at him, worry overtaking her features. "No…" she breathed. He looked distant, sad. "Lucien," she breathed, cupping his cheek. He turned to her curiously.

Gently he kissed her palm, her forehead, and breathed, "Forgive me."

"I am yours to command, Speaker," she replied, and his heart leapt within him.

"The traitor somehow switched your orders and has been sending you to the wrong dead drops! You and I have been deceived. We must find out who is behind this betrayal. We haven't much time… I am hunted day and night by the Black Hand. They want me dead." She looked down, feeling her heart twisting. This couldn't be happening… "Here is what you must do. Go now to your next dead drop. Lie in wait and confront whomever drops off the false contract. Uncover the true traitor's identity and then come see me. I'll be in hiding. Fort Farragut is no longer secure. It's under watch by the Black Hand. I'll wait for you at Applewatch, the farm where you killed the old Draconis woman. It should be empty and safe. Now go! And may Sithis help us all."

It was then he walked passed her. She looked down at the ground, tightly closing her eyes and willing back tears. She would never see him again… If he left her sight, she would never see him again. She sobbed, covering her mouth, then turned and raced after him. He looked back, curious, and all at once she was in his arms kissing him so, so passionately… Kissing him as if it would be the last kiss they ever shared.

Finally they drew apart. "My Speaker, do not leave me," she pled.

He closed his eyes tightly. Breathing in he looked up at her and answered, "If only I could make that promise." She sobbed, shaking her head in denial. He kissed her once more then pulled away, vanishing before her eyes as she fell to her knees and sobbed for all she knew, she sensed, she was going to lose.

ES

She remembered it as if it were playing in front of her very eyes. Memories, dreams, nightmares, fear… She remembered it all…She silently sobbed. She longed to feel his hands on her waist, his warm breath against her neck. She longed to have her breath stolen away. She longed to feel suddenly weak as she leaned her head back into him, her body trembling in his protective embrace. It would never happen again. Not anymore. Not anymore… She remembered their secret kisses and honeyed words, hidden from the eyes and ears of anyone else but them and whatever immortals watched. Speaker and Silencer; kept concealed from all their family. She had melted in his arms the night before that fateful evening, and his kisses, so soft, so gentle, so loving, lulled her into such a sense of security… His lips burned upon her stomach, her chest, her neck, her lips and face…

It shouldn't have been a surprise. She'd sensed the moment he'd told her his plan to hide in Applewatch that if he left her sight she would never see him again. She had watched him and he'd sensed her fear, knew what she believed and felt in her heart, mind, and soul. What could he do? He'd just left, and now she stared at the scene, white as a ghost and shivering. They never noticed. They boasted and bragged and glorified how they had finally caught the traitor. All but Banus and Mathieu. Banus was quiet and saddened, only saying something along the lines of he was glad it was over. He wasn't glad, though. He was distraught. And Mathieu… Mathieu she couldn't read, and that was _never_ good.

But Arquen and Belisarius spoke of how Lucien had defended himself with skill unlike any they had seen before. They didn't believe that Lucien had known he would die the moment the four had surrounded him, but he had… And soon enough he'd fallen to them. They had tortured and humiliated him, treating her Speaker with such indignity… She said nothing. They spoke of a meeting. Still, she never moved; not even when they all walked passed her. All except one…

Bellamont remained, staring at his father's mutilated body; and for the life of her she couldn't read his expression. Why? Why him? Why the child that had meant so much to Lucien…? What had driven Mathieu to betray and join in the desecration of the one who had been his father? Then he glanced over to her, and she saw the haunted and anguished look in his eyes; the terror and fear. He was shivering, she noted. He wanted to run to her; she who had acted as a mother to him, but he didn't. He looked down and then swiftly left, tears in his eyes; but hatred and anger and… and joy as well…

She'd fallen to her knees all alone, and gazed up at the dead man. All at once she gently kissed his mouth. All at once she realized she was crying, tears spilling from her eyes. She rose and left so quickly… She hadn't broken down. She wouldn't. Not until this was all over and the traitor was exposed

Hours Earlier

He was pacing agitatedly. What was taking her so long? His time was running out, he knew. Just then he heard the door open and spun with a gasp. He paled on seeing the intruders. The Black Hand. They had found him! He didn't move as they approached, simply fingered the dagger at his side. He knew he would die very soon. He knew it would not be painless. My Silencer… I never wanted this he thought softly as the remaining members of the Black Hand surrounded him. Forgive me. Please… forgive me, he quietly begged, drawing his dagger and dropping into a fighting pose.

"Lucien Lachance, you have betrayed us, all of us. You have betrayed the Brotherhood, the Night Mother. You have betrayed Sithis. And for that treachery, death is the _least_ of what you deserve," Arquen hissed as all four drew their blades. Lucien didn't dare look at Mathieu, or at Banus. He didn't want to see the expressions in their eyes. He knew what they would be. Banus, misery and regret. Mathieu… Wait, _Mathieu_!

Oh _gods_! This time he _did_ turn, eyes lighting up in realization, surprise, because you see, by now he had pieced it together. The child he had raised from infancy stood here in front of them all, a traitor to the Brotherhood… Then there was unbridled hurt and betrayal. Why? _Why_? "How could you _do_ this to me?" he breathed, and to the others it seemed he was talking to _them_, but Mathieu… Mathieu knew otherwise, and Mathieu coldly shook his head and smirked darkly. You _know_ why. Then there was fury and hatred in Lucien's eyes, and for a moment he wanted to lunge and kill the boy, but the others attacked and Lucien drew his blade in a flash, fighting them viciously with power unlike any they'd witnessed to date. Mathieu, though, fought Lucien, more so than any of the others, the boy became lost in his thoughts. All he heard were blades clashing, all he saw was flashes of color breaking through the blackness that he had descended into with no hope of return or respite. Not anymore…

Slowly things were beginning to clear for him. Your Silencer blinded you, Lachance. You were so obsessed with ensuring her safety, ensuring her innocence, that you never took the time to step back, look at everything, and realize that all that had happened revolved around _me_. I grinned victoriously as they tore into you as if you were nothing but an animal to be slaughtered and butchered, just as _you_ had once done to my mother. I stifled laughter as we attacked, hid my smirk… But I couldn't watch the others finish you… I couldn't watch, because by then the darkness was gone, by then I saw clearly once more, but by then it was too late…

They had beaten Lucien. He was held on the ground on his knees. He gazed up at Arquen, tears in his eyes, but it was too late now. Far, far too late. And could he bring himself to tell her who the real traitor was? He'd wanted to kill Mathieu but now… even now he couldn't speak, couldn't react… He couldn't do _anything_. He was emotionless as they stripped him naked. He made no move to fight back any longer. He was finished. All the while his gaze was upon the boy.

ES

My child, I mentored you, took you under my wing, raised you, loved you… Do you remember when you used to crawl into my bed timidly, bury yourself beneath the blankets, curl up close to my side and ask for a story? I read to you almost every night, sang songs of days passed, soothed away your nightmares, did everything for you that your father had failed to do. You do not think I realized who you were, but all the while something inside of me told me _exactly_ who you were. The beautiful child I had once found hiding beneath his mother's bed; the beautiful child who had cowered naked and vulnerable in a shack filled with revellers and drunkards who would have had their way with him. Your avenger came, Mathieu. I know he came late, so, so late, but he came… He came… And he regrets every waking moment that he never came sooner.

I gave you a place to hide, a place to feel safe. I protected you, comforted you, did all I could possibly do for you. I regret _none_ of it. I would change nothing. Yes, I was stupid and blind. I never saw you for what you were becoming. Despite everything I never saw. I was so busy trying to redeem myself in my _own_ eyes that I lost sight of where I was in _yours_. Your treachery… I still do not understand why, but as I meet your eyes I know… I understand and know, and I am through fighting. You think you have all broken me, become too much. No… I would have died fighting; but I have surrendered to them all. My son, love had blinded me, yes, but you are wrong. It was not the love for my Silencer that destroyed us all.

Shaking his head disappointedly, Lucien looked down at the ground. Then the torture started, the agonizing torture. His screams and cries filled the farm, filled the land. His body writhed and squirmed helplessly under the anguish and suffering. The broken bones, and burnings and shocks, the scalping, the disembowelment, the cannibalism, everything, oh Sithis, _help_ me!

Mathieu watched, glee falling swiftly to horror, to misery. What? What _was_ this? This wasn't supposed to _happen_! This wasn't supposed to _happen_! They were just supposed to kill him and that would be it. Not… not _this_! Oh gods, not this! Stop it, stop it, leave him alone! Leave him alone! The boy's pain should have ended, but now… Now his mother's death seemed like nothing. _Nothing_ compared to the anguish he felt now… He _loved_ daddy…

ES

I laughed, grinned, felt like dancing and singing and celebrating as they tore into you, humiliated you, but I couldn't watch you finally die… And near the end… Near the end of your life I had stopped laughing, stopped smiling; and I fought back tears because you had made me love you so, so much, and hate you at the same time! I didn't-I didn't know what to do! You were my reason for living… You were my father, the one who loved me more than… more than my mother had ever gotten a _chance_ to.

And you looked at me when we first surrounded you, and you were surprised, I saw it, and then hurt. But you realized, then, everything you had missed. Why couldn't you have caught on sooner and stopped it all from happening? Hurt turned to fury, then realization. You remembered me as your life flashed before your eyes. You saw the beautiful little boy hiding beneath the bed watching his mother's murder; you tied him to the young lad who had mercilessly butchered his father and you knew… You knew that fate had sealed this path long ago for all of us. KillhimKillhimKillhimKillhim ! No! No! Please no! Stop it, stop it! Spare him! Kill him…! Spare him, _please_! He was never the traitor, you were never the traitor! I was, _I_ was! Kill _me_! Let him live and kill _me_! Set me free and let me join my mother again!

Mommy, will I _ever_ see you again, or have I destroyed that chance and you will be somewhere else? Daddy…Lucien…Daddy… I don't know what you _are_ to me anymore. Oh gods, I don't know, I don't _know_! Will I ever see you again? Will you be able to look at me like once before? You're looking down. Look at me again, _please_! Just _look_ at me! _See_ what you've done to me, what _I've_ done to me! See my misery, my repentance, my suffering! Daddy, daddy, I need you! Comfort me daddy, protect me! Oh please, please… Let me find you there in the Void! _Please_…do not turn your back on me! Don't forget me when everyone else has! Oh gods, please don't leave me for nothing.

KillhimKillhimKillhim. No, spare him…! Oh immortals, I hate everything about you, so why do I so love you? KillhimKillhimKillhimKillhim . Spare him! Spare _me_! Help us both, oh destiny please have mercy. But there will be no mercy, will there? I've destroyed _that_ too. What is life's greatest illusion? Innocence, my brother, my father. My father… you whom I loved more than I loved my own mother… Innocence is an illusion, a lie, you always told me that. I understand now. I understand. I will not apologize, I will not say I'm sorry for what I've done. I regret nothing, but at the same time I regret everything…

ES

I see your pain, I see your suffering. As I bleed out, as death finally blackens my vision while they hang me from the roof, I see it. I see it… and it hurts me more than anything ever _has_. Oh come back to me, my child… Come back to me my child… I see you still. In Sithis' hand I see you still, mourning, weeping, afraid… And I wait for you in the Void. I will _not_ turn my back on you. I will _not_ forget you. I will not hate you even after the rest of the world has come to _despise_ you. So I vowed to you, so it will be. My son, I could _never_ forget… I could never forget my errors, you, _anything_. And as long as this speaker has a voice to speak, your name will not be forgotten. Over and over I will speak to the treachery of Cheydinhal; over and over I will tell all who care to listen why.

Have you heard the tale of Mathieu Bellamont, and the great treachery of Cheydinhal? Kill a boy's mother and vengeance festers in the son… Come back to me, my _child_… You will never know how much I loved you. You will never know how _sincerely_ I forgive you. You will never know that each time I called you my son, my little boy, I meant every word. You were mine, the child of my body and flesh of my soul… You will never know how I longed to change the world and erase time, if only to spare you pain. You will never know how _desperately_ I want to hold you close again and swear on every divine and immortal that exists that nothing will ever hurt you, that darkness will never touch you again. These words I never spoke to you. You never knew that I would have left alone everything I knew and loved to make you feel that it wasn't too late for you. And I know… I know that these actions you will never accept if I am ever given the chance… Mathieu, Mathieu, Mathieu, come back to me, my child…

ES

She had been unfazed on learning the traitor had been Bellamont. After finding his diary, she'd known. Oh _how_ she'd known. Nonetheless her grief hadn't ended yet. She followed the Black Hand down into the Night Mother's sanctuary. She remembered following Mathieu to his hideaway just a few hours earlier, so worried about him. She had entered behind him and he'd heard her. He'd turned, expression clouded. "You are like an unholy vision, so beautiful," he'd greeted.

"Mathieu, I'm sorry," she'd said softly, handing him the teddy she'd found in his old room at Cheydinhal.

Then his expression cleared. Then it became grief stricken as he took it from her. Her eyes had softened and quickly she'd gone to him, embracing the boy. Meekly he said, "It wasn't supposed to happen. None of it was supposed to happen."

"I know… I know," she replied.

"He wasn't supposed to suffer. He should have just been killed, no pain, nothing," Mathieu said, and _that_ was when she began to suspect.

"What do you mean?" she asked quietly. He sobbed and pulled away, quickly leaving. She took the opportunity to enter the cellar, and sure enough she found the journal.

ES

The Night Mother was speaking. Athaya almost smirked. So much for only talking to the Listener. "_Foolish_ girl," the ghost said to Arquen. "Lucien Lachance was loyal to his dying breath. The traitor still lives," the Night Mother chastised.

"_Enough_ of this!" Mathieu exclaimed as he drew his dagger, and all eyes turned to him in shock, then horror on seeing his expression. His eyes were flaming, filled with pure insanity. There was no hint of normality existing in his expression, and that realization shattered her heart. "You will all pay for the pain you caused me." She knew… she knew then that the pain of his mother's death had become secondary. Now… Now it was his pain over Lucien that drove him to this. Before they could react he'd taken down Belisarius in front of their horrified eyes, some mysterious blue aura sending the Speaker flying back Then he whirled on Banus. Contrary to Belisarius' fear, Banus looked resigned, perhaps even relieved. He fell to the same aura and strike in a second.

Mathieu turned and went for Arquen, but Arquen dodged and moved behind him. Mathieu didn't care. His focus was now on the spirit of the Night Mother. He was slicing, cutting, everything he could possibly do. Arquen could only watched in horror. "Stop him! He must not hurt the Night Mother!" Arquen exclaimed.

Athaya almost scoffed. After all, was there any mortal in existence who could harm a spirit? But this… It was only a matter of time before he gave up in dismay and went for them. Sure enough Mathieu lunged and went at them both. They fought back viciously, but in moments he had thrown Arquen to the side and focused in on _her_. He was skilled, she knew. He had been personally trained by Lucien Lachance since childhood. But she saw his hesitancy. She saw bits of sanity coming back, and she struck the moment she noted a hint of weakness and hesitance. Her plan didn't fail.

ES

Now she had him at her mercy; her lover's betrayer; the one who had plotted everything from childhood on… Part of her screamed to make him suffer agony that would shame even the anguish Lucien had suffered; but as she gazed into the young boy's eyes so miserable, so filled with suffering, so mad… she just wanted it to end. She wanted this to be over, she wanted pain to end, all of it. And more so than even hers, she wanted _his_ suffering to end, the young boy's. She wanted him to be released.

She freed him from his anguish and his madness with one deft cut. He'd felt no pain, she'd felt nothing; but she stayed gazing down at him until sadness came to her. Finally she rose. The child, Mathieu, he would see his mother again… she prayed he would; and she had only to wait until the day she would join Lucien in the Void. But would that day ever come? She gazed up at the sky tuning everything out as her last remaining dark sister wept. As soon as she was alone, though, she broke down, weeping and sobbing for everything she'd lost, screaming to the gods to let her die…

ES

My child, we are lost now, you and I; and as my Silencer ends your life, only pity in her eyes, I realize how true this is. As you breathe your last a tear falls from my eye. I pray that I will find you again, child, here in this emptiness. I will not stop searching and proclaiming your name throughout to all I encounter. I know that you will never forgive me, can never forgive me. I cannot forgive _myself_ for what I have done. But I will speak these words to you one day my son, my child, my little boy, and you will know the truth about your father. Let mercy come to you, child of darkness. For me it is too late, but let mercy come to you. I love you… I love you so, so much. Peace find you brother, son, and until it does there will be no respite for me either. I will not leave you to suffer alone in this Void…


End file.
